I’ve discussed modern incel virgin Xiao with a high-promiscuity darling like camgirl but please consider… modern incel virgin Kazuha
//major slutshaming/overall sexist, mentions of depression/mental health, choking
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Kazuha would be the epitome of the nice boy. Not the “nice guy” that’s not actually nice and is super demanding… he’s genuinely sweet, he doesn’t do things with expectations of getting pussy for it. Maybe hopes, but not expectations. He’s not going to get sour and upset when he doesn’t get it (after all, it’s never worked before), he hides his disappointment with a smile. But… while he’s not gruff and sort of abrasive like other sexually frustrated young men might be, he’s still not the absolute most socially apt person in the world. How else is he supposed to get it? His plan seems like the best possible plan. If you’re nice enough to someone, they will like you, and want to help you back, right? He’s not like those hateful people that blame their problems on others… especially not girls! Girls are so good and sweet, he thinks… he’s one of those guys that pedestalizes them, thinks you can do no wrong (and will that much more disappointed when that illusion is shattered).
The thing is, his sweetness attracts toxicity. You know someone you can step on and take advantage of when you see it, and you lock your target pretty quickly after meeting him. He’s basically the boy that gets “friend zoned,” and you very much intentionally string him along knowing he will never do anything in retaliation. He’s the epitome of a non-threatening guy. You can see the way he stutters and twitches when he speaks to you, the nervousness in his body language. It’s like he’s asking to be used.
Kazuha doesn’t expect anything in return for how nice he is to you. He’s not going to get mad that you didn’t suck his dick for holding the door for you or whatever meme-tier reaction you’d joke about from the nice guy trope. In fact, he does a lot for you, just because he wants to. Your car breaks down and he drives you everywhere you need to go until it’s fixed (or he volunteers to drive you everywhere if he finds out you don’t have one), wakes up early just to come pick you up and take you to your classes or work. He takes you out sometimes and pays for your food and convinces himself the relationship is going somewhere. He sends you homework answers if you’re in school, sometimes just does it for you. You text him saying you’re in a “situation” and need $100 without providing an explanation and he just sends it. He sends you good morning and good night texts, keeps a little heart emoji next to your contact name.
You practically gut his heart out like a fish when you have him pick you up from a house at 3 in the morning… A “friend” (that you went to visit for some reason at midnight), you tell him, and he chooses to believe it because he desperately wants to. You can go to whatever venue of your choice, be it lively nightclubs or house parties with friends (he understands not being invited, he doesn’t know any of them), get blackout drunk and when you call him, he will come get you. Can’t have you driving, so of course he’ll get you.
And because he is so so so so nice, he won’t… do anything. He will take you home as promised. And since you passed out in his passenger seat, he’ll fish your keys out of your bag, pick you up and take you inside, lay you on your bed, check your forehead to make sure you don’t have alcohol poisoning, and then leave.
No, no, not leave, in fact, he will stay there all night, he decides, just to make sure you’re okay. Make you breakfast, since you probably have a hangover. Stay for a while after you wake up making sure you’re okay until your grumbling and glaring makes it clear you want your alone time (and he understands that! No worries, he’s not offended!). Then he can leave. He already emailed his professor or boss to inform them he had something that was a priority to take care of and would be coming in late, so it’s all good.
After all, it’s the least he can do for you, considering how much you do for him. You… Text him sometimes. Maybe one word or so, he just laughs it off, you’re just a short texter is all. You also… Say thanks for all the favors he does for you. Text him a “ty” when he drops everything on the spot to send you the answers to a document you needed for work or school, and mumble some thanks when you get out of the car, but it’s understandable that you say it quietly, since you usually call your friends when you’re in the car with him and don’t actually talk to him. But, ah… you do a lot for him overall. Really.
It’s… quite pathetic, really. So much so that people who know and watch you both pity him, it’s so obvious he’s head over heels and that you could care less. He’s the type of boy to desperately be like “haha we really look like a couple here!” to a photo of you standing next to each other, to tag you and post pictures of you on every social media outlet available to him while your accounts seem to indicate you don’t know he exists.
And sure, yeah, every time he’s taken to the internet to ask forums of strangers for relationship advice he gets relentlessly bullied, called a simp and a cuck, endless disheartening replies like ‘omg she’s not gonna fuck you dude’ and 'she’s using you bro’ and similar things… but they don’t know you. They automatically assume you’re a bad person, he knows that’s not true. If you were, then perhaps that conclusion would be correct, but they’re jumping to conclusions because they don’t know you’re not like that. He helps you because he loves you, and you really do appreciate it, and you like him too, you wouldn’t spend so much time with him if you didn’t…
Besides, helping you rids him off all the guilt he has from what he sees as such grave offenses against you. He’s a thief, after all… he really did intend to return the panties he stole, but he just hasn’t had an opportunity, you started locking your windows and now he can’t get back inside. Now he’s overcome with shame and guilt every single night after he’s cum on them again, he feels so guilty he has to wait a whole half an hour before he can get hard again (as opposed to the usual wait of a mere few minutes). Besides, even worse, now the smell is fading and he can’t go swap it out for another pair. He’s left to just miserably rut into his pillows longing for that same smell again, the poor thing. Wishing you were with him. Thinking about how you’re just busy, otherwise you would be, because you do like him.
He can only maintain it all for so long. Lying to himself and pretending you care. He knows deep down how disposable he is to you.
So at first, when he inevitably forces himself to face the obvious fact that you date and sleep around with a bunch of people who aren’t him… well, that’s okay. They probably knew you first. You’re not overlooking him, it’s just first come first serve… and you’re so pretty and kind, of course you know a ton of people.
…Or they might have pressured you into it. Yes, he likes that thought better – ah, rather, he thinks that’s more likely. He hates people who do things like that. Not because their aggression and initiative is robbing him of something that should rightfully be his – no, not that, he’s not… entitled like that… nor because it shatters his delusion of having his perfectly pure and untouched love – no, that’s a horrible attitude to have, that way of thinking is outdated and unrealistic, he tells himself… it’s just that he hates to think you’re being made to do something you don’t want to do… especially for, you know, someone who’s not him.
And you go to nightclubs and things like that, but you’re just having fun with your girl friends, you don’t go to get laid or anything like that… maybe that just happens sometimes, you don’t seek it out though… and you probably don’t want to do it with those guys either, they’re just manipulative and pressure you, and you’re just so sweet you can’t say no. How horrible.
But still, you’re at the age where it’s normal, you’re not ready to settle down yet, right? That’s what he keeps telling himself, it would be wrong to be jealous. It’s… the current year, of course you have your freedoms and it’s socially accepted and that’s good, he keeps reminding himself that that’s good… you can sleep around as much as you want… it doesn’t bother him one bit. He doesn’t lay awake at night trying to push the mental images of you moaning and naked for other guys out of his head. He’s a very open-minded person who would never have such an archaic way of viewing things, as to be be upset over it. Never.
And when you mention starting up onlyfans or something… he just kinda smiles, swallows, his hands’ grip on the steering wheel tightens until his knuckles go white. It’s… not that he’s against such a thing conceptually, no, he thinks it’s a great idea! He’s not bothered by the idea of you being naked for thousands of guys to see with permanent records on the internet. B-but… that can go badly you know? Jobs and doxxing and stuff… better to just avoid it, he says. He uses everything his mind can think of to scare you out of the idea. What about crazy stalkers? Someone using images for revenge? You need to be more careful and not follow through with such crazy ideas! It’s for your sake that he thinks it’s a bad idea, that’s all. Thankfully, he seems to talk you out of it.
That leaves him uneasy for weeks, but what really ends up pushing him over the edge is a rare, rare occurrence in which he needs something. He got locked out of his own place, and since he lives alone, only you can help him, since he knows you have a spare key (he told you you could come visit at any time, but you’ve just been too busy to do so yet, he assumes). He texts you, but… you don’t answer. He calls you but you let the phone ring. He texts and texts and tries everything he can, but he gets no response from you until hours later, when you finally call him back, audibly intoxicated and not very concerned for his well-being, you sound more annoyed than anything.
You promise to get a ride or pay for an app to ride there, finally show up a grand total of six hours after he was stuck outside… he’s just been waiting all this time. But… he was the one who inconvenienced you, right? So he can’t be mad, he thinks. He smiles and thanks you for your help. And likewise, when you’re so tired you ask if you can crash there, he doesn’t mind at all. Sure. He’ll let you sleep in his bed, he says, and you assume that means he’s taking the couch.
It’s not until he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, watching the rise and fall of your chest as you sleep that he starts to let his mind wander to some darker thoughts… but he’s startled out of it when your phone vibrates. A contact with a seemingly male name, but the message on the lock screen cuts off way to soon for him to make sense of the first few words.
It’s not snooping, it’s just making sure the message isn’t too important. That’s why he uses your thumb to open your phone. You’re really passed out, don’t even twitch as he does so. He’s just checking. Just going to look for a second and make sure that it’s not a family emergency or your boss. Just for a second.
Two. Three. Four. Five seconds. It wasn’t your family. Just someone asking if you wanted to come over tonight… ‘again.’ He finds his thumb scrolling on its own. Just skimming through, since there’s a lot of messages. You have a lot more friends than he realized. Friends. They have to be friends… it’s not like you’re the type of person to be sleeping around with more than one guy, even though these are all male names and all left with their last messages to you being anything from hearts to explicitly detailed comments to suggestive reminders and questions about next time. But you’re not the type of person to have casual sex on your own volition, even. Maybe you have out of pressure, but you’d never seek it out. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! He’s a totally open-minded guy, he doesn’t think badly of that sort of thing, it’s your body and your freedom and all but… but… he just… doesn’t think you’d do that. Hopes you didn’t. Knows you wouldn’t.
But the proof otherwise is right in front of his eyes. It makes him feel nauseous. His brain struggles to rationalize.
But rationalize he does. He understands. So stupid of him, he’s been a terrible friend to have not noticed!
You’re depressed. Or, in some other way, just not in a good state of mind. Yes, you must be having a bad time of things recently and not been feeling good. That explains everything, why you’re engaging in behaviors that are so… out of character… out of the character he knows you really have. You’re depressed about something, or perhaps in general, and are seeking out chemical highs and physical pleasures and cheap validation to make yourself feel better. To fill the void in her heart, such are the words that come to his mind, how poetic.
He blames himself for this. He should have noticed something was wrong with you earlier. He should have helped. He feels guilty. This isn’t like you, no, he may not have known you for very long or ever really spent time with you outside of helping you, but he knows this isn’t the kind of person you are! Not that it’s bad, no, he reminds himself he’s not one of those awful people that frowns upon such things, it’s just… not in character for you. You want love, but you can’t obtain it, or have a mental block keeping you from seeking it out. You want to be in a loving relationship, that’s what everyone wants, right? But instead, you feel guilty for pursuing that or something, so you just seek out a cheap imitation of love instead… yes, yes, that all makes perfect sense.
You do care. It’s not that you don’t like him, it’s not that you’re using him, it’s just… you can be a little inconsiderate at times. Selfish. That’s all. But you’re not trying to be selfish, it’s just that thinking of others doesn’t cross your mind because you’re too depressed about something to think about things like that, you’re too consumed by your thoughts. Too lonely. He can’t allow you to be suffering like that on your own!
And now he sees how many signs you’ve been showing, all those little cries for help. He was so stupid to have been waiting on you to make a move, it’s obvious you were trying to prompt him to do so. Yes, all those times you asked to sleep at his place, all those times you were just pretending to be passed out in his car, those were all… invitations, he just was too dense to understand. Sigh. He could beat himself up for missing that opportunity. You’re uncomfortable asking him outright, so you do so subtly. It makes sense now.
But he swallows, he scratches at his throat, he clenches his jaw and fists. He can’t swallow down that seed of negative emotion in his gut. Anger. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. He tells himself over and over. But part of him can’t help but feel mad. But it’s not your fault! You’re probably emotionally damaged, and that’s why you’ve never tried to pursue a relationship outright. Too hurt from all the bad people in your life.
And that’s okay. He can help give you a little push. Make that step for you. He’ll have to make that step for you because you just can’t fucking do it yourself, huh. He’s not good enough for you, is that it? After everything he did?
He has to pause, take a deep breath, collect himself. Remind himself not to be mad at you, no matter how much he wants to be, no matter how strong the twisting, tight feeling in his chest is becoming. He can’t be mad. You deserve empathy and compassion.
And forgiveness. Because what you did was wrong. Ignoring him. Tossing him aside. Sleeping with other men when you were clearly in a relationship with him, even in your own head, and quite obviously to everyone around you. It was wrong. A transgression. He’ll forgive you, but it was still wrong. And you should be sorry.
And you will be sorry.
He knows that people in bad states of mental health tend to say things they don’t mean. That’s why the tape is there on your mouth, to prevent you from saying anything to him you might regret and feel bad about later. He doesn’t want to contribute to whatever complex of self-loathing you might have going on. He tells you so, when your groggy eyes finally open, when you panic at the sight of him straddling your body, looming over you on the bed, you tug against the restraints tying your wrists to the headboard.
He knows you might overreact there too, see. You’re in this… spiral of self-destructive behaviors, and if he calls you out on it, you might feel embarrassed, get defensive, try and hit him. That’s all. But he made it as comfortable as he could, using tape there as well, and not metal. He makes sure to ask if it’s pinching your skin though. Just nod or shake your head.
He apologizes to you first. Says he understands now. He should have noticed before. There were so many red flags! After all, you were… so mean to him lately, ignoring him more, backhanded insults, looks of disgust, not returning as many texts as you used to. If only he’d known that it was just a defense mechanism! It would have saved him a lot of hurt feelings too, but more importantly, he could have helped you sooner.
And he knows you’ll be resistant, people in need of intervention usually are, they lash out against the very people trying to help them. He knows you think you want to go to school or work or wherever your daily routine takes you, but he won’t allow that. Clearly, that has been a source of unneeded stress – and undoubtedly, that’s where you’ve been meeting these guys that take advantage of your poor decision making and manipulate you into sex. He knows. He read them all. You’re so naive, to not see how they’re using you! Sure, you can claim it’s “consensual,” but can it really be called that? You’re so lacking in self awareness that you don’t even realize the real reason you’re doing it! You want someone who will really love you. You want him. He knows you just don’t get it, you think that the multitudes of casual hookups is what you want, but it’s not. You’ll see. You’ll be so much happier with this. They were taking advantage of you. He knows you would never, ever consent to something like that if you were in your right state of mind… which is why you definitely aren’t. So just trust him. He’ll make you happy. He’ll take care of your every need. You don’t have to do a thing. See, even those people that dare call themselves “doctors” wouldn’t give you what you really need… only he can do that.
But he’s still so, so, so sweet about it. Kissing your mouth through the tape and saying it will be okay. Just let him have this. You’ll feel so good. You’re trembling so badly. But you’re certainly not afraid of this since you decided to go out and be a fucking whore – ah… what he meant to say was, since you’ve had experience… even though that’s not your fault. It’s wrong, but not your fault. So really, what this means just confirms his suspicions… you could only be trembling out of fear, and what you’re really afraid of is intimacy, vulnerability. You’re scared of this with someone you really love, someone who cares about you… it’ll all be okay. He’ll keep kissing your face and holding you so close throughout.
You’re still so tight. It feels so good. Hah, see, all those guys on the internet that told him it would feel loose were wrong, it’s so good. So good he forgets to keep rambling about helping you. So good he loses himself in the feeling, so good he forgets he intended to be super slow and gentle. Well, whatever, passionate gets the message across better anyway, doesn’t it? So it’s okay that he just lets loose, digs his fingers into your hips to pull you closer with each slam of his hips. It’s okay that he gives in to those darker urges, the ones he’s always felt ashamed of and tried to keep at bay, lurking beneath his gentle demeanor and laid-back smile and soft-spoken voice. Wrapping a hand around your throat. Somehow, his face looks like the same soft, sweet boy as always, the only trace of the sadism beneath is the faintest glimmer in his eye. Likewise, the way he speaks seems so soft, and yet his words – you’re so pretty like this – seem so wrong as he’s gripping his hand hard, watching your eyes go wide and your body writhe with the deprivation. So beautiful. Breathtaking. He was afraid to come out to you about liking this (he imagined the scenario in his head many times, planning out how to go about it once you were dating), though you’d find it weird or creepy, but the way you clench down on him when he tightens his grip (ignoring the unrelated other muscle spasms throughout your entire body) tells him you enjoy it. Just like all those girls in the porn he watched, the ones he sought out specifically because they looked like you.
Yes, you do enjoy it all. The way your little cries and moans underneath the tape made him shudder, the way you clench down, the way you finally, finally spams and convulse underneath him, milking him dry at the same time. He’s glad. He tells you you have to keep the tape on a while longer, but reassures you that there’s nothing wrong and that he’s so glad this all worked out for you two. He tells you you did so good. You made him so happy.
And he will make you happy, too. You just need to give it time.
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