@

furiousgoldfish :

I never write about this because, ouch, but abusive siblings… can be a really strong point for losing your sanity? If your parents are abusive you can still kinda find some support with people closer to your own age group and hate on parents together sometimes, but if your siblings think you’re worthless piece of trash and that parents are right to abuse you, that can really make you doubt if there’s anything of importance to your existence, and if everyone is just right about you being useful only to use and torture.

 Abuse from siblings is different type of betrayal, because they at least, are supposed to team up with you, recognize that the parents are dangerous and unkind, but sometimes, they get a little more affection, little more importance, little more presents and money and privileges compared to you, and it becomes enough for them to side with parents and join the torture, and they feel pretty justified about it. Even better, the entire family gets to bond and connect over how they all think you’re nothing and that you deserve that to be shoved in your face for every day of your life. 

 Living with abusive family is a fight for sanity, and having someone else grow up in that same environment as you, but completely denying your point of view, and supporting what your abusers say instead, is downright maddening. And we’re more inclined to trust the opinion of someone who’s in same situation as we are, because they would have the same problems, same fight as we do, except, sometimes they don’t. There’s cases where abuse from siblings can exploit the family system to inflict additional abuse to the family scapegoat, and parents allow it because it supports their view of scapegoat deserving abuse. 

If your parents, and siblings were abusive, you were really all on your own, despite having family members, despite being surrounded, probably often against your will, with people related to you, you had no one in your corner, and nobody was looking out for you. You did not deserve to be betrayed in so many ways.

furiousgoldfish :

It’s actually the most pathetic comeback when abusive parents go “You just have to have an answer for everything!!!!” because they’re just fucking mad you’re better at debating than they are, it serves them right, why did they ever think they should challenge you

fivegeesegluedtogether :

FACTS!!! They get so pissed when you have a planned response or when you’ve planned out an event so well that they cannot say no. They’re the reason why we plan everything. They’re the reason why we worry about failure and panic to ensure that everything is perfect.

No child, teen, or anyone should have to have a preplanned, mentally saved rebuttal and remark for each possible line of conversation that their parents/family begins. It’s like you’re constantly on trial in your own household, and every time you need something or would like to go somewhere, you have to go to trial.

furiousgoldfish :

It’s actually the most pathetic comeback when abusive parents go “You just have to have an answer for everything!!!!” because they’re just fucking mad you’re better at debating than they are, it serves them right, why did they ever think they should challenge you

furiousgoldfish :

if someone came up to me and asked me what I did last Thursday I would lose my shit. how dare you imply last Thursday was even a real thing that existed, let alone that it should be retained in whatever brain i have left. the audacity.

wizardpotions :

please teach kids that its not normal to be in pain all of the time, we also need to start taking kids seriously when they talk about pain or difficulty physically, kids and teens can absolutely have chronic pain, medical conditions and disability that you cannot see. a kid isnt going to lie to you about being in pain 24/7 repeatedly.

furiousgoldfish :

it’s almost  like abusers cover us with open wounds and then other predators come because they can smell the blood and the rest of society goes “it’s your fault for bleeding”

furiousgoldfish :

Abusive parents are the only ones who go convincing their children they don’t deserve basic resources and need to be grateful for being allowed to have any. First, you have to be grateful for having a roof under your head, then you have to be grateful that you get to eat food, then you have to express gratitude for being able to own clothing, then for being allowed basic resources like books and a bag so you can go to school, you have to be grateful for a ride, for a bed to sleep in, for being allowed to live.

These are not things that should require any gratitude. Every child brought in this world has every right to food, shelter, comfort, clothing and any other resource they need to feel safe and happy and to develop all the interests and hobbies they want to. Anything else is unacceptable. Do we bring children in this world just to have them fear for their own lives? Do we have children so we could starve them, have them hurt or killed with cold and heat, to deny them living space and right to comfort? Do we bring children in the world so we could torture them? If not, then there’s no fucking reason they should be grateful they aren’t being killed on purpose.

What abusive parents are trying to do is make the child feel it’s not allowed to exist anywhere past the boundaries the parents set. If they can convince a child they don’t have a right to living space, next thing they can convince the child is that having their personal living space is selfish, that they’re taking living space from someone else, who actually deserves it,  and acting out of bounds when they want to move out. It makes sure children don’t ask for money, so they can’t accumulate money and escape. Hell, it even makes sure that when children are offered money they don’t feel they’ve earned, they’ll refuse it, and it will make it a lot harder for children to get financially safe and independent if they come into adulthood strongly believing they deserve nothing. They will work for next to no wages. They will struggle so hard. Survival will become something terrifying and out of bounds and will force them to come back to parents.

You take your living space as you please. You eat and spend all you can. You take everything and live wherever you want. The assholes don’t get to tell you what you deserve or not. The monsters don’t get to define where or how you’re allowed to exist. Those who would force gratitude for things you have every right to, actually have nothing on you. You do not owe them shit. You were in fact, entitled to the living space the second you were born. You were entitled to food and clothes and any resource you needed. What’s more, you were entitled to loving parents who would make sure you grow up unharmed, healthy and with the best start in life they could have possibly given you. You were entitled to more than they ever gave you. It’s them who owe you a childhood. It’s them who owe you a home and a family. Not you who owes them because sometimes they would remember they in fact had a kid, and it was in fact, illegal not to feed and clothe them. Fuck the guilt tripping. You deserve more than they gave you. 

furiousgoldfish :

Abusive parents will often try to stress you out by citing the most awful and scandalous things that ‘others will think about you’ if you don’t do as you’re told, and it’s not only a pressure and manipulation technique, it’s something that will leave a long-lasting damage.

This is a method of catastrophizing and creating the environment where everyone else in the enemy that has to be pacified by a certain set of actions that might dissuade them from thinking the most horrible things, or worse, acting on those thoughts. After your head’s been filled with all of those horrifying and scary things people must be thinking of you, you will never again not be scared that it might be true, that it could draw from the truth. Being around people will be extra stressful, you’ll look for the evidence of their thoughts, reassurance that you managed to avoid the worst. That you’ll still be accepted into the society, if you manage to look and act exactly how it’s required of you.

The second thing it does, is put opinions, thoughts, and judgments of strangers before your own. It tells you that your own opinion, set of beliefs, morals and judgments, doesn’t matter as much as what will strangers on the street think of you. It sets you up for a life where you must seek approval of people who don’t even know you, who judge you on the first glance and you might never get a second chance with it. What you think doesn’t matter, making strangers like you becomes the priority.

I remember not being able to come out and see another person without immediately seeing myself thru their eyes, and jumping to the worst conclusion. It made being outside stressful, painful, and terrifying. Other people become automatically hostile and potential threats. Navigating the world becomes shameful and scary, and the only solution becomes to withdraw, to stay inside, to not socialize, to not show yourself, unless you’re showing yourself exactly the way you’re told. Which is exactly what the abuser wants.

And the truth is, the opinion of strangers doesn’t matter. The fear of being socially rejected, judged, and abandoned is being used to terrify you into isolation and obedience. Strangers, regardless of what they thought, will never have the courage to come up to you and say it to your face. Only your abusive family members or partners will do that. And the most important opinion of you isn’t the ones that strangers have, or the one your family has, it’s yours. How you feel about yourself trumps everyone else’s opinion, because nobody else has to live in your skin. Their thoughts are not the worst case scenario your abusers are trying to convince you it is, the reality is their thoughts are unknown, and it’s better to stay that way. You can’t know them, but your abusers can’t either, and trying to claim something is the way they say it is, when it’s absolutely impossible for anyone to know? Blatant lies. They’re pretending to be clairvoyant in order to manipulate you.

Strangers don’t get to dictate who you are and what you stand for, just as your abusers don’t have that right either. What you completely forget in this situation is that you are a stranger to them too, you get to form your own opinions, and you get to decide whose opinions you value. Strangers are not tools to be used to manipulate you, and they’re not people who are capable of majorly affecting your life. Any judgment from them should be kept from you, because it’s not a valid criticism of you, nor it can improve your life in any way.

furiousgoldfish :

abusers: How dare you not do as I say. Just think of what will all the strangers think! I can tell you exactly what every single stranger thinks of you, because they’re thinking the exact things I’m thinking. Yes I’m very smart and I can read minds. No, there are no people who think differently than I do. Everyone on the planet will consider you worthless and want you to suffer unless you obey me. This is how reality works.

abusers: Even though you’re powerless against me, I need to threaten you with strangers and mind-reading powers in order to control you. No this doesn’t make me look bad, it makes you afraid what everyone will think of you because I craftily planted that fear inside your head that wasn’t there before because you were happily assuming that you were fine as you are. Which now, you will never be able to assume again.

abusers: Your opinion of you doesn’t matter. Your free will doesn’t matter. Your happiness doesn’t matter. All that matters is what the people will think. And I say what that is. Funny how all the power of this comes back to me. Now,

furiousgoldfish :

abusers: If I’m having a vaguely bad time I’m no longer supposed to experience consequences of my own actions. If I abuse my child I want this to have zero repercussions on me. Even if I’m having a good time, I’ve had it rough as a child! No accountability or follow-through for me! Everything I do is to be rewarded, forever, because I will play victim and throw tantrums otherwise!

abusers: yes you’re definitely the one who is not living in the real world.

There is so much more to you than what the abusers see

furiousgoldfish :

me: what do we say to tasks and responsibilities?

all of my braincells, in unison: NOT TODAY

furiousgoldfish :

can’t we just. get a pause from being traumatized. like a month. just to see what life is like for all those people out there. I have no references. what do you people feel.

furiousgoldfish :

Abusive parents be like, it’s for your own good that you be humiliated, ostracized, criticized, insulted, discouraged, yelled at, even beaten, but, you say one tiny word of the same “well-meaning” criticism at them and suddenly it’s a crime and a sin, and you’re a heartless, evil monster who should stay in their place. This translated directly to “you aren’t allowed to have an ego, but touch mine and you’re dead”.

furiousgoldfish :

Abusive parents and abusers in general love to pretend that their every action is only because of something you did. They will throw a whole tantrum at you and then in the end attack you as if you did that, as if you somehow forced them into their abusive behaviour. Abusers will convince you that it’s you who controls their behaviour, and not them, as if their every word and move is “what you wanted” or “what you provoked” and ultimately, a consequence of your actions.

The truth is complete opposite. People cannot be provoked into abusing someone, and people don’t throw tantrums, hatred, guilt and accusations because their actions are controlled by someone else, they do it to gain control of someone else. Literally the part of their control is to convince you that it’s you controlling them, and not the reverse. So that not only you would get extremely self-conscious about your every word towards them, tiptoe around them and try thousand different approaches to get them to be nice, but when they inevitably snap and lash out at you and throw hatred and abuse at you, you will blame yourself, think you haven’t done good enough, and that’s exactly what they want. You end up taking responsibility for both your actions and theirs, while they take responsibility for absolutely nothing, and keep you so helpless, desperate and confused, they can pretty much do with you whatever they want.

Do not ever believe when another human being is telling you that their disgusting behaviour is because of you, and not their free will to act like a disgusting piece of shit. There is no human on this earth who does horrible, controlling, deprecating and cruel things repeatedly because they were “provoked”, they do it because they fucking want to! And afterwards they accuse others of “provocation” as a fucking excuse to do it more! To be disgusting and cruel is literally the goal here, and blaming you is just a cherry on top, so they can get away with it, and repeat it at their leisure.

Abusers choose to abuse and do it out of their free will, every single time. No matter what you do, the other person could have chosen to react as a kind, understanding and decent person and not a fucking spoiled, rage-throwing, guilt-tripping, non-understanding, aggressive huge ass baby, and yet this is what they chose, and in the end they add “oh and this is all your fault actually now sit down and think about what you made me do” like it’s victim’s time to reflect on why abuser is a fucking narcissist. It’s all lies! You do not have to think for a second what made them do it, they themselves decided to do it. They could have done literally anything else and nobody was stopping them. All you need to think about is how to get to a life where nobody, no person on the planet, could do this to you and get away with it. Nobody on the planet is worth enough to step all over you.

furiousgoldfish :

I can’t believe I’m expected to do things.. I am full time busy being mentally ill

furiousgoldfish :

I’m so pissed that while we’re abused we completely disregard the neglect. We don’t even think of being upset that our parents haven’t noticed our depression, us starving ourselves or cutting ourselves, that we lost all desire to live and exist, we’re just fucking grateful they don’t scream at us or beat us for every living moment and that we’re sometimes allowed to eat! 

It’s not normal, it’s not fucking normal for parents to fail to pay attention to their kid to the point where they have no clue if their kid is eating properly, or struggling in school, or having a devastating experience with a friend or crying their heart out from a broken heart. It’s not normal for parents to ignore or not notice when the child is sick, when they’re missing supplies and resources, when they need someone to talk to them and reassure them that everything’s okay! It’s not normal to not have frequent conversations to verify that the child is doing well! Neglect is still abuse! 

Neglect will still result in you failing to care for yourself, thinking that eating isn’t important and health isn’t something that matters and that you feeling absolutely miserable is just normal state of things and that you don’t deserve to get attention and support in those times! 

I learned that being absolutely neglected was a bliss and something to aspire for because that was the least abusive my parents ever got! It was all i had to be shut down in my room living in my head! I learned to be grateful for nobody paying attention to me because the alternative was being yelled at and humiliated and hit and forced into labour against my will! Meanwhile I didn’t learn to ask for medicine or help or support and instead kept breaking down, on my own, alone, all the time, thinking “that’s life”. No it isn’t! Fuck neglect and fuck abusers for getting away with it! Neglected children do not grow up happy and fulfilled and nobody should be okay with this.