the first rule of fight club is
we all have to kiss
we all have to kiss
has anyone considered that maybe Jonathan's food wasn't spicy because of the specific type of paprika, or because he was English, maybe it was spicy because the concerned villagers were trying to stuff raw garlic into him any way they could manage
How r u out here being homophobic and still writing mpreg 😭
Those are two entirely separate things. But I guess I couldn't expect someone like you to understand that.
This is talking about Paul McCartney by the way.
most of the time everything sucks but when the sky is blanketed in dark blue-grey clouds after heavy raining and the sun starts to peek through the clouds so that the tops of trees glint pale green and every white structure is starkly, blindingly silhouetted against the sky i’m ok.
McMansion Hell: revenge of cook county
Fans of this website will perhaps remember a certain house from the "worst of suburban Illinois" post. I'm here to alert you to the fact that the interior of said house may in fact be the pinnacle of what has been dubbed by my colleague Cocaine Decor as "Cocaine Decor." This 1990 house has lived rent free in my brain for a while, and now it will live rent free in all of yours. It sits at $1.1 million USD and precisely 10,000 square feet, each of which exists in ignorance of the Light of God.
Remember her? I wish I didn't. Anyway.
The Lawyer Foyer
I would actually venture that this is the most reasonable and bland room in this house, but it sets the tone for what is to come: baffling art, even more baffling curtains, and the most baffling carpet choices to ever be offered in a catalog. Also from this angle it's really funny.
The Sitting Room
Ok does anyone else here from the aught's internet remember vintage Art.com and its kind of weird kitschy art prints? I used to spend hours on that website amassing pictures of lemons and limes because children are weird.
I quilt and I KNOW how much fabric costs. Also I really want to do some kind of research project on late 90s-early 2000s "modernism" which is basically like "what if we took modernism and made it really chunky." If you were working as an industrial designer during that time and can help me figure out what in the world was happening, please hit me up in the Twitter DMs @mcmansionhell.
hmm getting some Eyes Wide Shut vibes from all this... kinda sus...
Viral Tweet Voice: Tiger King was 10,000 years ago. Remember sourdough starters??? Hobbies taken up with manic urgency??? Washing groceries??? How young we were. How foolish.
Give me some powder and 15 minutes in here and I'll come up with McMansion Hell 2 (or lose thousands of dollars on NFTs - it's a toss up.)
You know those metallic sharpies they sell two-packs of at Target? They took those to a fabric shop and said: here's our palette, go nuts.
shout out to my mom, I love her.
Okay, that's about enough of that. Here's the back of the house complete with a tripartite architectural analysis (it's very complicated):
I hope you enjoyed this installment of McMansion Hell, stay tuned for more cursed houses from the Mecca of cursed houses, because I, uh, found a lot of them yesterday.
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P.S. go bulls
My sister and I were watching Lost but not paying a ton of attention and then suddenly the TV is like "Okay so we're going to have to remove two inches from the width of the island" and we both like snap our heads up like woah we were literally just dealing with a time travel problem why do we need to make the island a little smaller now? But it turns out the dog had laid down on the remote and turned it to Property Brothers so like bad news for whoever's kitchen they're designing but good news i guess for the Lost people for not having to shrink the island
Don’t want to post the guy’s face but massive respect for the guy - literally an hour after Margaret Thatcher’s statue was unveiled - who was pelting a full carton of eggs at it.
Unfortunately, this is actually deeply reprehensible behaviour. Eggs can be washed off simply and easily, with no damage done to the statue.
Tomatoes, on the other hand, can begin a potentially irreversible process of corrosion of a bronze statue.
Someone also suggested regularly scattering birdseed to drench the statue in shit. At this point it’s open season.
Since posting this maybe an hour ago, I've heard that it was allegedly decapitated, then got taken down for repair, and some guy has put a plaster model of her head on a pike on the plinth.
I take back my snarky comments, the good people of Grantham are doing the gods' work and I respect them so much.
The Ancient GreeksThe greeks are a wonderful culture with many different gods and myths. Hercules, Narcissus, and Achilles are all myths that are retold to this day and have relevance in our current society. Themes of love, hate, betrayal, and arrogance populate stories from this time. But there have been lost stories as well; forgotten by the sand of time. Including: the story of a peasant named Domiclese, a shepherd who angered the gods with his hubris.When the gods turned their focus to Domiclese, they discovered that not only was Domiclese a shepherd, he was also secretly a robot who could fire lasers out of his face. When Domiclese melted Apollo and Mercury with his “laser face” it signaled the beginning of “The Great Robot War.” The robots eventually overthrew the pantheon and established a “New Robot Order.” The robots forced the humans underground for years to toil in their underground mines to find igneous rocks, whichrobots [sic] eat to gain power.The greeks hated and feared their new robot oppressors, but stood firm against them in combat. The greek people formed a “trojan horse” to dupe the foolish metal ones into allowing the humans to overtake their robo future-castle. Even though they were driven out, these mechanical beings did not despair. The robots beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.“
The AztecsThe Aztecs had many ritual and ceremonies that have gone unpracticed for hundreds of years. Most impressive among them was the act of “Quzetoheetl”, the ritual of forming a circle around a wolf of wild dog and chanting sacred words which gave the dog the ability to speak english and play basketball. (Or “ollamalitzi”.)Once the Aztecs used this rituals on a very special dog. The special dog befriended a lonely boy who was the water boy for his local high school ollamalitzi team. After the dog ram onto the court and became a fan favorite, the mean former owner kidnapped the dog. Luckily the lonely boy steals him back just in time to make it to the big tournament, where it is declared that “there’s nothing in the rulebook that says a dog can’t play ollamalitzi.” The dog scored an amazing last second point to win the game! Everyone rejoiced! Then the ritual of “Xolitzeunzli” was performed to allow the dog to have puppies, save Christmas, and become Santa’s most special reindeer.