proper semi-hiatus announcement -
idk what semi-hiatus means right now, but likely very low activity. I hope. I need to re-centre myself and stop treating everything I touch like a coping mechanism and I need to stop relying on people who never asked to be relied on. I might pop in for a dash meme or to post art or even to thread every now and again, and I’ll be working on stuff behind the scenes, but otherwise I think it’s for the best if I try to at least kinda keep my distance for a little while. I’m trying to brush off the impulse to remake once I’m done with some of these info posts - if I don’t do that, I’ll likely be going on a little softblock spree, not because anyone’s done anything wrong, but because I think I need to up my selectivity and curate my dash a little more strictly.
as usual I don’t know how long this will last, but activity will probably at least be a little spotty for a good while, maybe with the odd day of me being more present than usual. I love rp, I miss it when I have to take a break, and I’ll miss the people I only really talk to through the font of rp, and I hope I’ll be able to continue doing this once I’m in a better place.
as for the discord, as much as I miss it (partially because that server was...a solid 95% of my social interaction and being without that is already starting to get to me 🙃. I’ve spoken briefly to one person since I left and I feel more isolated than ever but I don’t know what else I can do) I get the feeling I won’t be able to return without working through a good chunk of stuff. which...I put a lot of energy into regulating myself until I can get actual help, but doing that without a professional, while still actively being further traumatised, isn’t going to be easy and I’m afraid I might just not be able to come back long-term without getting triggered and having to leave again. I’m trying but it’s hard and I’m tired.
I know I’m not in a good way and I’m caught between knowing that shouldn’t mean I have to be alone, and knowing I have to take responsibility for it + that it’s not up to anyone to have to put up with me when my symptoms are playing up. right now I just need to focus on keeping myself alive and under control and continuing to spend every waking hour trying to earn enough money to get out of here lmao. maybe once I am I’ll be a better friend and more fun to be around.
things might change sooner than I think they will, or it might take a lot longer. I don’t want to leave forever. I don’t even want to leave temporarily. I just don’t like the way that my personal shit has been leaking through into rp and I know it’s been happening and I know it’s getting obvious and I’m sorry and I’m trying to do something about it. ilu guys. have fun.