I woke up and my reality seemed very unusual, for some reason everything was off or maybe backwards... I can’t quite figure any of this out.
I don’t know where I am, why I’m here wait
Where the fuck am I going ? I feel my heartbeat in the tips of toes ...am I even really awake , my twisted thoughts and this terrible place seem like my night terrors. Its dark I have little vision, this feels terribly familiar. I squint my eyes real small an try make out my surroundings.
The sun starts to rise from behind me peaking his rays over the big cedars.
I was wondering around by my lonesome in an open field near the Forrest , the fog so thick I can barley see i front of me.
I feel like I’m walking around with a blindfold on; aimlessly going about my misery in this lost place inside my head.
A place where it’s just the trees ,and gray gloomy skies .
I know it’s hard to see but follow me let my foot steps guide you through the depths of this dark wood and Into my hollow heart. An escape within this dimension and the door lies within my soul.
Here’s the key
don’t want to be alone here anymore .
Neverland where I feel little to nothing,
Sometimes It feels more of a daze then a day
Like a light fog over my vision
The colors so vivid with a bit of a blur it’s bright so beautiful ;tho you are blinded and can’t make things out , none of that matters.
I feel like I’m dreaming or maybe I’m just delirious.... i don’t know anymore.
I spark my blunt and the fire from the flame was like a baptism of light and something instantly warmed my soul. I felt the sweet cbd soothe my senses an i Watched the smoke rise as my spirit did.
Swept to the side by a breeze and i realized how envious I am of the wind an her freedom.
She said I’d be as free as her soon and to sleep tight. Insomnia sweeps me off my feet each night saving me from my nightmares , Instead i meet with mother moon who tells me stories of different dimensions till I doze off Into sweeeter sorrows.
I woke up and was washed out with my reality, the Raines poor heavy on me Reminding me of everything I don’t wannna remember. Shivers rush through me and I feel like running but I don’t
All I know is I feel Father sun beating on my Fucking back and he’s starting to blind me.
He said my future is rather bright
Mother Nature screaming star seed as she tells me sweet secrets of life.
The sun rays hitting the trees and peaking through on this open field made the golden coat he wore so full and shiny. The moment I saw this beautiful horned fluffy cow I felt my soul scream.
I stepped closer to this massive creature ; and he stepped closer to me. His nose and the tips of my fingers connected.
We connected. I felt something rush through me and my heart was a little less cold . Something about being in an animals presence is so comforting and therapeutic. All the worries you once had in a moment disappear.
This place that haunts me of a broken childhood and a cold heart is strangly the place where I feel most at ease. My heart is a little less hallow here as i have grown older and ventured off and experienced new ways to wake up everyday.
This place so raw and so simple. Where material is only what your clothes are made of not a lifestyle , yet so rich in beauty that it’s almost forgotten. Most minds here are on a level of unconsciousness that they don’t get to experience the sober sunsets that fill the tree line with crimson reds and pinks so soft you feel like you could just float away.
This place..... it’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever been. Something about the cool blues and vivid emerald greens that surrounds me makes me feel so royal and connected with Mother Nature.
Something about the cold crisp Washington air ; it’s like a natural cleanse . The evergreens as tall as the sky scrapers of my urban life now. gray clouds give me a sense of relief, where gloom meets happiness and my heart feels less empty and my chest no longer aches. i breath actual deep breaths, smells of cedar and sage . This is a place I feel calm. The grungy gleam of the moon is my perfect company , before I lay my head to rest I contemplate and collect my thoughts , cure the constant battle within myself and clear my head. In a secluded space where city lights can’t blind you from the stars. Returning to my roots is balance to my sporadic self.
My depression has me hiding at home while im trapped in my head, which sounds like an echoing auditorium of anxiety. some days it is as small as a prick from a pine, others it is as massive as the tree the pine fell from. I like to hide those days. I mean I could go out see some friends , distract myself ;but even in a room full of conversation and laughter Ive never felt so alone. I rather sleep I say. insomnia sweeps me off my feet each night making the moon my perfect company.I cant sleep. what is sleep? sleep is a love ill always admire from afar. when I feel it slowly approaching and lids of my eyes get heavy when all of a sudden my eyes widen & my heart drops to my twisted stomach while I dread even having to turn off the annoying reminder of my reality. they ask why are you always late ? I could say anything , but really its because I cannot get out of bed. I lay there contemplating , I can think of a million and one reasons why to stay warm in my bed. and not one to get up for the repetitive routine takes to even survive this ruckus I call life.i force every fiber of my being to get out of bed each day . and I keep it pushing . for what though? to live? is this even living? I feel the stress disintegrating me slowly & the limpness of my almost lifeless body fighting everyday with the innocence of a fake sweet smile. I feel my insides screaming while I stay silent. sometimes I get so lonely I rather die , is this a fucking joke or is this what we call being alive.
THE OLD me | 2014
Kawaii ass bitch,
let's cut to the chance
Louie on my wrist,
Yeah tattoos on my face
Big ol eyes look like an anime
I be smokin big blunts all day
Like MENCHi kun all my shits gourmet
A hunter no I do not need to be tamed
If you have no paper I have no time today
So really get the fuck away
That’s all I have to say.
#hunterXhunter #anime #louisvutton #facetattoos #taylorwhiteTV #sillyraps #writtingexercises #blog