Venom: Lethal Protector (2022) #2

areindeerlime :

Humans are space Chameleons

I'm back with another humans are space orcs idea.

So ya'll know about how stealth is a big thing on our planet, right? Predators use it to catch prey, prey use it to avoid predators, etc. etc. What if that's exclusively an earth thing?

Like, if death worlds were rare and the need for stealth was less needed or even non-existant it'd be pretty surprising to aliens to find out just how important stealth is and how good humans (and Earth animals in general) are at it.

Smaller humans can curl up into tight spaces to hide. Camouflage is something we're very good at with things like ghillie suits and camo facepaint to make ourselves near invisible.

We're pretty good at staying still and will even cover our mouths to make our breathing quieter. Sometimes we even sneak up on people without meaning to. We've gotten so good at hiding we can even hide in plain sight.

Hell, even a portion of our entertainment contains stealth, we have childrens games like hide and seek that make us better at it and there's even an entire genre of video game dedicated to it. Suffice to say stealth is something we're pretty ok at.

Now imagine a human is put onto an alien ship as a crewmate and as the aliens learn more about humanity they decide to play hide and seek to learn more about us.

They go around and find the other races pretty easily, but they can't find the human.

After 30 minutes they get s bit annoyed

After 1 hour they're a bit worried

After 3 hours they're panicking that they just lost their human friend and begin running around the ship screaming that they give up and begging the human to come out.

The human stands up from behind a pipe or something and ask why the crew couldn't find them. What proceeds is Aliens becoming utterly horrified at our ability to remain concealed so well for so long.

Long story short, they never play hide and seek again.

lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks :

1am thoughts here I go

what if the Riddler's whole talk in The Batman about the orphanage and how hard non-rich orphans have it inspires Bruce to donate to local orphanages, like he gets really invested in rebuilding and supporting them

and maybe he gets stuck with some pr bullshit and can't just dump money and run, he has to stick around for photos and to shake hands and meet some of the kids face to face and give them fancy gifts and stuff

but there's one sour faced kid who wants nothing to do with it, apparently he's new to the orphanage, his story is still in papers even, an acrobatics 'accident' with suspicion of foul play, they want him in the photoshoot for added pr, he doesn't wanna be there, Bruce can relate

Bruce asks him what gift he'd like, the kid says he wants his parents back, Bruce of course says 'mood but I can't give you that champ', so the kid says 'then I want someone to take down their killer'

Bruce looks this kid dead in the eye and says quiet enough that nobody else can hear 'I'll see what I can do'

then we get a fun detective story as he tries to track down the killer and uncovers a more sinister plot afoot with added Villain of the Day for main plot business, all the while Dick is doing his own investigating and gets himself right in the middle of trouble, incidentally helping Batman out in a tight spot

Dick absolutely decides he's gonna be Batman's sidekick because of this, Bruce says absolutely the fuck not where are your caretakers why is nobody keeping you off the streets at night what am I even paying this orphanage for the fuck

his obvious solution to this problem is to adopt the kid and have Alfred babysit him while Bruce does Batman stuff, because that is the Only Reasonable Solution he insists to Alfred, whose response is something along the lines of Respectfully What the Fuck Master Bruce

Dick obviously has no issues climbing out of a three storey window and so Alfred has to go to increasingly extreme measures to keep him inside, shenanigans ensue, at some point he either finds the Batcave or figures it out while yeeting himself into Batman's Business

if this is not how Dick Grayson enters the scene in The Batman 2; Bruce Wayne Impulsively Adopts a Feral Acrobat, I will be rioting in the streets, thank you

nat-20s :

mamoru :

anime central 2022 just announced they are dropping the promised requirements of vaccinations, masks, and negative tests a few days before the event.

acen is THIS WEEKEND. this is extremely irresponsible and DANGEROUS. anime central takes place largely in hotels which are partnered with the nearby international airport. to say this is going to be a super spreader event is an understatement. you know how big airports often have shuttles to specific hotels? anime central is centered around those specific hotels and the convention center attached to them.

this is disgusting. acen starts on may 20th, which is this weekend. they waited until most people could not get refunds.

by the way, two weeks ago anime central publicly announced that their covid safety policies (requiring masks, vaccines, negative tests) would not change prior to the event. surprise! fuck you

mamoru :

update:

the convention center policy is that events are responsible for additional covid precautions and enforcement beyond what is legally mandated by the CDC and local government.

anime central has known safety precautions would be their responsibility to enforce while continually promising they would be enforcing mask mandates, vaccinations, and negative tests.

other anime conventions have hired security and additional staff to enforce vaccinations, tests, and masking. it is doable and has been done.

anime central is one of the largest anime conventions in north america.

many people asked anime central to clarify that they would still enforce their advertised covid policies, saying that they would not attend the event if these policies were dropped. anime central officially responded to these types of messages multiple times insisting that they absolutely would not drop their covid policy and would enforce masks, vaccinations, and testing. including within the past few weeks.

despite lying, anime central is not allowing for any kind of refund or rollovers for the price of badges, tables, etc even to immunodeficient attendees who exclusively chose to attend based off of the repeatedly advertised safety protocols.

not to mention the people who definitely cannot get refunds for transportation and lodging less than a week before the event.

the convention center is now receiving a shit ton of angry phone calls from congoers assuming that the convention center forced anime central to change its policies right before the event. the convention center is also reportedly confused why anime central is doing this, because it was anime central's decision to continually advertise their covid safety policies, and anime central's decision to cancel them right before the event

anime central is run by the midwest anime promotion society (MAPS). it is unclear which aspects of this bullshit were the responsibility of MAPS and which were anime central specifically, or where they overlap right now. however, these are the entities responsible for the change in policy. if you want to share your opinion, contact anime central and MAPS (midwest animation promotion society), not the convention center.

today is may 16. anime central begins on may 20th.

yikes is an understatement

argonaut-blog :

Angry neckbeards in 2007: I wish those ignorant Twilight girls would read Dracula and know the TRUE TERROR of the vampyr.

Those same girls 15 years later, reading Dracula as part of a giant internet book club: Fucking hilarious.

anxietyproblem :

afronerdism :

One day we need to have a conversation about how the majority of HR professionals are white women and how they operate as the single largest barrier to entry for non white people in corporate.

afronerdism :

I but like this is just one of many reasons y’all have to stop believing that white women are this ultra oppressed group with limited power. Yesterday a white woman in HR submitted a report to me trying to throw out a perfectly qualified black woman’s resume because she “giggled too much” in her screening.

afronerdism :

When we have a salary budget of 6 figures, who do you think says “but I think we can get them for 60”.

White women are powerful. Very very powerful. Don’t believe the damsel in distress hype.

afronerdism :

The next time you go through an interview process, I want you to count how many white women you have to go through before you even get to the white man in charge.

engulfes :

Growing up is actually all about realizing people don’t inherently dislike you and it’s a bit odd to assume they do

halfhardtorock :

the-bluebonnet-bandit :

reblogging to normalize. because we really should be uplifting sex workers as bread winners. Also because they should be able to show their face in public without fear of repercussions??? (cough cough), like this gentleman.

Honestly its unhinged and hilarious but yet also seriously something I want to see more of

the-bluebonnet-bandit :

image described in alt text

Anyway…👀

Reblog if you’re a cheap whore. Or respect cheap whores. Or have the power to turn young people into cheap whores. (they can never tell which)

roach-works :

i absolutely support people being cheap whores but like in this economy expensive whores like this fine young man certainly deserve out admiration

bogleech :

As someone around for 9-11 and the "NEVER FORGET NUMBER #1 GREATEST TRAGEDY EVER IN HISTURY" response to it I am in thrilled and invigorated by the fact that younger people just make amogus memes and TikTok nonsense about it. A huge chunk of America cared more about it than any entire genocide and thought you would cry learning about it. They hoped it'd make every generation patriotically angry forever and ever and want to join the military. Instead you Photoshop the towers into squidwards house and shit. Never stop lol

gay-jesus-probably :

I’m physically unable to take 9/11 seriously, entirely because my grade 9 english teacher was bizarrely obsessed with it. We basically had an entire unit on 9/11. We watched that documentary from those students that were doing a documentary of firefighters and wound up getting the only footage of the first plane hitting. We did a novel study of a book about some kid being in one of the towers for take your kid to work day and him and his dad squeezing past the wreckage of the plane to escape in time. We watched that Nic Cage movie of him being a firefighter during 9/11 that gets stuck in an elevator shaft when the place collapses. I am dead fucking serious, we had to make up fictional people that died in the attack, write an obituary for our 9/11sona’s, and then write and deliver a eulogy as their grief-stricken parent. At one point in the unit the teacher clarified that she hadn’t personally lost anyone to the attack, nor was she anywhere near New York when it happened. She never bothered to ask if any of us had actually lost someone in the attack, which kind of seems like a thing you should do before making us invent fictional victims to give eulogies for. The unit began with her demanding to know where we all were on the day of the attack and what we remembered, and she started crying when we told her that 1. we were two years old at the time and couldn’t remember shit fuck, the closest thing was one of the older kids kind of thought they remembered being very confused at adults freaking out over the TV but that could have been literally anything, and so this meant that 2. we were the last class she would ever teach that could possibly remember 9/11. Probably didn’t help that someone pointed out that we were the class born in 1999, so in two years she’d have students that hadn’t even been born during 9/11. That may have contributed to the teacher crying over the whole thing.

We’re Canadian.

cherishedproperty :

That last sentence KILLED me. Jesus fuck.

werewolfbarista :

*glomps u* omg hiiiii!! haaaiiiiiii!!!! ( >w<) *BITES U BITES U BITES U BITES U BITES U B

r0zeclawz :

*being torn to shreds screaming blood everywhere* haiiiiiii hehe aaaaaa!!! aaa hehe

werewolfbarista :

hymnsofheresy :

i was with my mother’s family and they were talking to me about my religious studies major. my great aunt asked me what the definition of hell was, and i responded “well i suppose it depends on who you ask.” and nearly all the protestants in the group decided that hell was “the absence of god” which i suppose is a fair answer, albeit not a universal one. my cousin’s wife was playing with her 3-year-old daughter and she says “well mommy says that hell is a mcdonald’s playplace” asdfghjhgfd

hymnsofheresy :

this 3-year-old girl is so fucking hilarious. her mothers have signed her up for a toddler yoga class, and so she has adopted a very unique language. this child also has an imaginary friend named “mom” which is, in her mind, the boss of her two mothers. for example, my cousin’s wife explained to me how her daughter got mad at them one time. the little girl situated herself in the corner of her crib, pretended to type on a cell phone and said  “im writing an email to mom right now and telling her how bad you two are. namaste.”

hymnsofheresy :

the family’s Big Theory about “Mom” is that both my cousin and her wife are referred to as “Mommy” and “Mama.” The nickname “Mom” is not used in the house because it would just be confusing. However, when interacting with the world, people tell their daughter that they will “tell her mom” if she is doing something wrong. so this child automatically assumes there is this greater “Mom” figure that is responsible for distributing universal justice. 

alexaloraetheris :

To be fair to the toddler, that’s pretty much how religions get started.

dantescandlestick :

Our Mom, who art gonna hear about this,

sandersstudies :

Top ten texts I’ve ever received.

timemachineyeah :

We don’t talk enough about the systemic health effects of casual fatphobia and how much they fucking skew the data to the point where we literally cannot know how much outcomes are actually related to fatness and how much they are related to society not being designed for fat people, like literal design.

My best friend cannot find a bra.

She’s fat. We won’t get into the ~why~ here because it honestly wouldn’t matter whether it was “all her fault” or whether it was a result of outside forces like genes and such, she still deserves a goddamn fucking bra that fits.

And she cannot find a bra.

She’s short and fat, and Fat Bras are usually full cup, but because she’s short the full cups are usually too tall, or the armbands around them are too tall, to the point where what’ll fit around her chest and over her boobs will also dig up into her arms or have such high coverage that she literally cannot wear a shirt with a neckline high enough. Any bra that goes out enough goes too high.

This affects her ability to find clothing, impacting her ability to go outside sometimes, because she has this tiny selection of bras and she constantly has to wash them and when they’re gone she has no idea when she’ll next be able to find another unicorn bra. They appear in a flash usually in startups that die soon after, and COVID has killed most the small businesses remaining where she had even a hint of a chance of finding a fitting bra.

So she wears bras that don’t fit. Or she doesn’t leave the house. One gives her back pain. The other is, obviously, not very active. She likes to be active.

If she brings it up, people suggest breast reduction surgery.

But the thing is, with a good bra, she does not get back pain.

But if it’s that hard to find a good bra, they say, wouldn’t a reduction just be easier?

Wouldn’t it be easier for you to chop off part of your flesh, they say, then for us to cut fabric and underwire to more sizes? As if that is normal. As if that isn’t horrifying.

It’s not just bras. It’s chairs. It’s benches. It’s goddamn shoes. It’s seatbelts. It’s exercise equipment - I just got an exercise bike for Christmas. I had to shop around to find an affordable one that was also rated to take my level of fat. If I were 100 pounds heavier, which some people are? I don’t think any equipment would have existed in a price range that any working person could expect to afford. I don’t think most people even look at the weight ratings on chairs and couches and furniture. Once you start? They are lower than you think. There are absolutely 100% people you love in your life - whether really tall men or just average kinda overweight fat people - who should not be using the things they are using. Who are not getting support from their mattress, their footwear, their office chair. It might be you! You might be thinking “but I am average size!”, but the amount of furniture out there that’s only weighted to about 200lbs? Or 175??? It’s SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU REALIZE. Get into the Proper Fat? The 350lb, 400lb, 500lb fat? There’s virtually nothing.

Seatbelts are not tested for fat bodies and seatbelt extenders aren’t regulated.

We know about the problems with too small a blood pressure cuff. With too low a medicine dose. With no MRI a really fat body can fit in for a thousand miles.

We know, from multiple studies on multiple oppressed communities, that social bias by itself, with zero other compounding factors, can give people worse health outcomes.

Now add up

+ one of the social biases with the least pushback even from the educated liberal set with

+ having a world that is literally not made for you. Where you cannot get clothes, furniture, or transportation in a way that will actually accommodate you,

+ where society is constantly blaming you for this. And even if you somehow (and if you know how, please tell me) manage to retain some sense of self worth and optimism and determination despite all that

+ that’s not gonna magically give you access to the daily supplies a person needs in their home and out in public that’ll make living safe and healthy life literally physically possible.

If you’re really so concerned about fat people’s health start a bra company. If you’re really so concerned about fat people’s health mandate changes to seatbelt requirements. If you’re really so concerned about fat people’s health have a variety of chairs in your waiting room with at least some being properly Fat Rated. If you’re really so concerned about fat people’s health, make it easier for fat people to be active by making exercise equipment that fits them, swimwear that’ll actually stay on them, athletic shoes that can bear them. If you’re really so concerned about fat people’s health ask they be included in more medical trials. If you’re really so concerned about fat people’s health, promote fat visibility and fat people loving their bodies - because hating yourself has literally never been good for anyone’s health.

If you’re using “concern for health” as a shield to allow you to judge and criticize strangers, you don’t give a fuck about anyone’s health. You’re just an asshole who prefers a veneer of respectability when you bully people. You’re hateful and we can see right through you.

But fatphobia isn’t just bullying. It isn’t just judgment from strangers. It isn’t just medical neglect and medical bias. Even if we could wave a wand and make all that go away, my best friend still wouldn’t have a bra that fits, people still wouldn’t have a chair that supports them, a seatbelt that protects them. It’s literally engineered in. And it slowly kills people day by day by day.

pseudotsugas :

problem: the only nongendered characters who show up in sci fi and fantasy are aliens/robots/hiveminds/other entities without a human concept of gender, where the whole joke is how them not understanding our norms makes them weird

solution, part 1 (the actually important part): write more stories about characters who do grow up with our gender binary and still choose to reject it

solution, part 2: This Swarm Of Insects Has Reflected Long And Hard On The Nature Of Identity And Personhood, And Decided He Still Identifies As A Man

jurassicbarnes-archives :

you ever just click on a fanfic and read the first word and go “shut up” and exit