#actuallymentallyill Tumblr posts

Psychotic depression is killing me

Books about depression - “how to deal with depression”

Books about anxiety - “help coping with anxiety”

Books on grief - “29 skills to cope with grief”

Books about OCD - “Freedom from OCD”

Books about Borderline Personality Disorder - “how to deal with the monster in your life and why you should immediately give up all hope when interacting with your BPD loved one 🤡 “

is it always going to be this way? :(

special interests are NOT a joke btw i have such a obsession with vampires i literally have a vampirism delusion because of my schizophrenia and i self harm stim with blood (currently recovering) and acted like one and i think about vampires nonstop. i watch or read vampire stuff almost every day. i have almost every vampire trait. i collect all vampire stuff. i want to be one or date one so bad. every day i think about vampires. i played vampire games so much as a kid. i dressed up as vampires for halloween. special interests are extreme ,clinical life long chronic obsessions. they are not quirky,cutesy,childish or silly. they are not just liking something. tjey are my entire life. my whole personality is based around my special interests. all my stim stuff is. they're not a joke or something you can just adopt or choose to identify with all of the sudden. please don't deligitimize or water them down.

"When you spend so long trapped in darkness, you find that the darkness begins to stare back."

-A Court of Mist and Fury, p. 461

anon asks encouraged to be awful.

tell me how much i deserve to bleed.

let me make all of you proud.

Villainous

I am a villain in every story I am in Undeserving of name or title And when, one day, goodness wins Undeserving of funeral or gravestone

self destructive love

just sobbed for an hour looked in the mirror and was like wow ok that was dramatic

im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping im slipping

one of the hardest things to manage when you’re in a difficult mental state is your personal hygiene. you know you’re going to feel better after showering, brushing your teeth or washing your hair, but you just don’t have the energy to do it. you want to, but the thought of going through the process of caring for your body and even looking at yourself in the mirror can be the toughest.. even picking an outfit feels like some kind of impossible task you deserve five stars for. so if you’re gathering the strength to do that, i’m proud of you.

I signed a safety contract

It feels pathetic Not because it proves I am a coward But because the proof had been there from the start Etched like a title on a gravestone All I did was pat dirt into the grooves It never mattered what you said I just needed to feel like I was doing it for somebody else That my murder of space would only be a third-degree offense I wanted to be convinced someone cared Enough not to feel selfish But that might have been the most selfish thing to do

So I had to reach my narcissistic father to arrange him receiving a subpoena. He never answered me or picked up my calls. I texted him once a day to ask. I called him but the calls were blocked. His lawyer sent me a letter to inform me they might make a case of domestic violence against me for harassment. I feel broken, after years of his abuse and how he always blamed me for it, since I was just 8. And now he does this.... I'm so tired I don't feel like I can face any of this anymore

we talked about you today. i miss you. i shouldn’t but i do. i miss what we had. i miss your voice.

i wish you would come back somedays but i know it would end badly if you did.

.💔

oh dear

im honestly starting to consider it as an actual option. there isn't anything else for me. i might as well just die.

The "Cluster B is Abusive" community really reminds me of TERFs tbh. Which is not to say that I think they ARE TERFs (I don't want to imply gnc/trans/ace/bi/etc victims of TERFs carry the same beliefs as them), but rather that they use the same rationale to cope with their trauma.

They think that if they can cut out that one "bad" group from their lives - culling them or sterilising them as some would more explicitly say - then their abuse will never happen again... They don't realise this doesn't work because it's a maladaptive behaviour. This is not a behaviour that will help you heal or that will fix the systemic issues that cause abuse, it's simply the efforts of your brain to cope with your traumatic stress. Cause it would be very nice if abuse was that simple but it's just NOT, it's a really complicated topic to talk about.

They're both essentialist forms of thought that just set you up for falling into further bigotry. I don't think it's surprising that furious-goldfish is also associated with TERFs. If you think that a given disorder cannot be managed and will dictate someone's behaviour, you might be inclined to agree that a given sex cannot be changed and will dictate someone's behaviour.

I don't want to say that all anti-cluster b are going to become TERFs, but I think we need to talk about how a maladaptive behaviour like this can put you at risk of being indoctrinated. Like PLEASE find a better way to deal with your trauma, lashing out at other traumatised people is not as progressive as you think it is.

Thought we were meant to be against stigma in this community...

🌸 Flowery Isopods

i wish the mental health community would treat cluster b personality disorders like they treat people with depression ??? the whole “they’re toxic” is so fucking infuriating???? it’s so gross to do that. these people deserve the support and help like everyone else :/

Attachment Style

I am desperately frantic spinning ' spinning ' spinning ' orbiting big red DANGER! signs building pedestals from the ground beneath my feet drowning in ankle-deep water I am "i would do absolutely anything for you never to leave me."

I am painfully resolute falling , falling , falling , collapsing in on myself hopelessly lost in a maze of my own creation watering the vines that hold me captive I am "i will stop at nothing to convince you that you should leave me."

I am uncontrollably destructive stop it stop it stop it a metronome ticking at 200 swinging wildly between two extremes wound so tightly it continues past the piece I am "somebody please fix this. I don’t know how."

why cant i feel fucking loved

a lot of what mentally ill and neurodivergent ppl have been saying is “assert your boundaries more clearly” and ‘let’s settle on a compromise’ and yet somehow it got twisted around back to “you’re making excuses” no matter how far the actual idea is from it.