@ myself in last july/august
#youre not dead . also youre better and trying to get better even more than before . you arent going to be alone forever or at least #you wont get to be alone for much longer . you make friends you love you kiss a boy when youre drunk you kind of fall in love with your #mathematician friend you meet very clever people including an economist who is very good at everything including perfumes and #the card game speed and seeing you . you link arms with people you sign a contract for renting a house you play the violin you have your #first exam in a week (almost 11 months for you) and its neuroscience and by the way youre kind of good at neuroscience and youre kind of #good at philosophy . you love your degree you have breakdowns about maths you bleach your hair you go to an alt j concert tonight you kiss #your cat you want to kiss your friends hand you refer to elsewhere as home you pull all nighters and you take #a spontaneous trip to everywhere and you get almost crushed by an avalanche and you go inside a train underwater and you might live in #venice for a bit and you get a job that has paid you 0 so far and you stroke your friends hair and barely get better at cooking but much #better at cleaning and you start taking care of your skin . you learn about manifolds and you have a failed crush who teaches you an #awful lot about pharmacy and humans and chemicals but not a lot about love . and each day you accept the risk of love and often you #experience the stab of grief (evidence that you are a feeling loving caring thing) and each day you thank yourself #for loving philosophy and maths and neuroscience and AI (except everything else is philosophy really and everythin else is maths really) #you have black swan moments and black bear moments and more than anything i dont want to tell you that it will get better because i know #you secretly wanted to give anyone who ever said that a sucker punch . i want to thank you for choosing to live despite despite despite #(you preached for the world but i know you wanted to die) (thank you for looking at that dangerous thing and finding the reflections #of light on it beautiful enough to live another day and another and another and another.)
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