#borderline life Tumblr posts

  • imdyin
    20.05.2022 - 1 hour ago

    Reblog if 002:

    Reblog if the smallest things/inconveniences make you cry and you start thinking 'im doomed for life' or 'nothing's gonna right for me, I'm fucked '. Because same :(

    #mentally tired #sorry for being depressing #mentally unstable #i cant do anything #i keep fucking up #mentally fucked #made of styrofoam #tw cvtting#dead inside #tw depressing stuff #depression#sleep deprivation #life is fucked #mental breakdown#mental health#mentally ill#mentally exhausted#deadinside#trauma #borderline personality disorder #undiagnosed bpd
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  • lordgirlfriend
    20.05.2022 - 3 hours ago

    i want to travel but i have anxiety and guilt about wanting to travel

    #i have travel anxiety #i have borderline travel trauma #i have never had a vacation that was more fun than distressing #and i want to go places with my friends #but j have so much guilt #like why do i want to travel? why is not staying here with my parents good enough when they did so much to #make a life here #yknow#idk
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  • incanqueensblog
    20.05.2022 - 4 hours ago

    5/19/ 22

    I didn't even know if I was going to write this post tonight because it feels harrowing and difficult to write this. Trigger warning for anyone reading for well childhood abuse:

    So I'm doing all these awesome things in my healing journey and becoming so confident in almost everything. I've managed to cope with my emotions in a much better. However, along the way, I've learned some hard truths about myself. I've discovered trauma that was unhealed and unprocessed and I've faced it in one way or another. I don't blame anyone, life is well traumatic. My latest thing is learning to swim. I attributed my water/ swimming trauma to what happened to me at 11. But this weird happened to me as last Sunday when I learned to swim and float, I was transported back to when I was 4 or 5 and I lit up like one. I was happy like a 4 or 5 year old.My swimming instructor saw it written over my face and she was good at being calm and not making a big deal about it. For some reason, I started thinking about my imaginary friend Calincha . She appeared when I was 4. She had a big personality and fearless and so mischievous. I was curious about the name because what 4 year old comes up with such a peculiar name. Well, the name is Quechua and means mischievous child and I'm like 🤯 interesting and then I thought about the Maid my mom fired when I was 4. My mom fired the maid because the neighbors caught the maid dragging me by the hair in the grocery store. A memory of bath time came and my face being submerged in water today and being extremely afraid. And I remembered and felt how horrible and mean this Maid was to me. I called my mom, I asked her about the Maid taking care of me. There was a week when my mom was sick and the maid took over the care of me and my siblings. My mom went on to tell me, the maid was either 14 or 15 and was a former member of the terrorist group sendero luminoso. Yes, my mom hired a teenage terrorist to help around the house. This felt incredibly heavy to process but it explains a lot about why I'm the way I am. I feel like I'm playing a video game called unhealed trauma and I've unlocked level 100. I use to be , why am I mentally fucked? Now, I'm like damn, it's a wonder I'm not more mentally fucked and emotionally damaged. My mom thinks I probably blocked memories and that I should try to retrieve them but I don't want to. Currently, I'm just mad and sad. I remember I was different before the abuse. I remember being incredibly fearless. After the abuse, I became this incredibly anxious and fearful child. 😰 I'm tired of continuing to unlock trauma and trying to process and heal from it. However, I understand how necessary it is. Below is a picture of me around the time it happened.

    #real life#truth#feelings#life#trauma#quiet bpd #borderline personality problems #it is what it is #Spotify
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  • videotapezz
    20.05.2022 - 4 hours ago

    i don’t want this to be goodbye forever, isn’t there something we can do? i don’t want to leave you… is it really the end? does it have to be this way? i love you so much more, so much deeper, intensely, passionately and unconditionally than i have ever loved someone, you’ve changed me, you’ve made my world brighter, literally. all of the colors have changed and the way i perceive everyone and everything including myself is different, you’ve made me feel new emotions i didn’t know existed, you’ve become my entire world, no, my universe! you’re my everything, i don’t want to give you up! you’ve been so good for me, even if it’s hurt really bad, the good parts are amazing! and it’s been getting better, so why is this happening? i adore you, i cant let that go, i cant let you go, but we cant just be friends. i cant make myself see you that way. you’re my lover! my soulmate, my one and only. my romantic partner for the rest of my life. that’s how i see you. how am i supposed to be friends with you when all i want to do is make out with you? protect you from the world? give you everything? make you mine? have my body and mind belong to you? how in the fuck!! my feelings for you are so strongly romantic, i think this is the first time i’ve truly been in love. and im supposed to put all of that aside, pretend i haven’t been in love with you this entire time? i just cant do that. but if you really can’t love me back, not in the same way… then what else can we do? all that’s left is to carry on the way we are, miserable for us both, chipping away at my soul, making me lose myself entirely, or to leave you, which sounds like torture. a future without you just isn’t a future. it’s hell. i made you my future, you have to be. so one of us has gotta come forward with some different feelings.. or things are gonna end tragically. i never ever in a million years wanted to lose you, i never thought this would be happening to us. i was so very certain that we were perfect for each other, we seemed so compatible, our lives fit together so nicely, like it was meant to be. i had so much hope, so much faith in us. i believed. and now i’m being told i was wrong the whole time? there’s nothing at all? you never loved me? it’s impossible for you to love me? there’s no way. all of this can’t be real, it has to be a horrible nightmare. you’re my beloved ! my darling ! the one i want by my side forever, the one i want to share space and time with, to know everything about, know each other so intimately. i wish to know each and every freckle you have, and i wish for you to know the same about me. how could i just be friends with you? how? i’ve had strong platonic bonds, wonderful wonderful ones. this? us? it cannot be one. cannot be. we are in love. i cannot accept the reality in front of me, the truth feels like complete lies. i love you. you love me. it’s so perfect, WE are perfect!!!!!! don’t ruin this for me, don’t you fuckinf dare!!!!!! you love me, i know you do!!!!!! i’m your sweetheart!!!!! remember that, okay???? i’m your sweetheart! you love me you love me you love me you want me forever you want me so bad you NEED. me you need me please ir cant end like this i wont let it!!!!!!!!!! you WILL be mine!!!!!!!!!! you are mine !!!!!YOU ARE MINE!!!!!!!!!! love you :]

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  • the-cat-at-the-theatre-door
    19.05.2022 - 8 hours ago

    Gotta say, a Gus crying at the end of his number, even just...turning eyes that are very clearly filled with tears up to the light so they shine, hiding his face in his hands, is one of those character moments that will be sorely missed when it's phased out completely.

    #and it will be - which is fine because i'd rather growltiger be rid of #but also...okay here's the thing #yes - guses post hanan were often played more on the boisterous and comedic side (though not *all* of them were) #yes the number itself is supposed to be borderline tongue in cheek and very obvious fun poking at the show itself #and the theatre industry #and you get absolutely swept up in a gaudy piece of theatre *purposefully* to demonstrate this #that you almost forget why you're there to begin with #and then that final reprise - trailing off into genuine sadness #that's the anvil drop moment - that's the moment the theatre goes quiet #that's when you realize you know what? this isn't a joke anymore - this is what happens with time #it moves on - it leaves us all behind - and you can never get that time back #you can talk about it and reminisce about it and even desire it back #but it's gone - it's gone forever #and seeing gus for what he actually is - a frail old man (coat suddenly far smaller with the deflate) #who's life is coming to a close #that's *powerful* if played right - it's gut wrenching and a complete mood shift #makes the skimble transition even more of a slap change but you know what? #that"s the point - things move on #reducing it to just comedy means you've missed the point completely #anyway...huh #i'm more sad about the final refrain eventually being phased out than i thought #they could just do a 1998 - i'd be more than okay with that #extemporize back chat
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  • the-study-of-happiness
    19.05.2022 - 10 hours ago

    *Disassociates in the shower until the water turns cold and I’m shivering* “this is fine, I’m totally fine, stop being such an annoying stupid bitch, we got shit to do today, and this isn't one of them.”

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  • bpdvetman
    19.05.2022 - 10 hours ago

    It really bothers me, people don't seem to grasp the fact that I know when I'm being irrational and self destructive. It is even more frustrating to me because I am the one driving the train and it feels like it's going 200mph and I can see up ahead that the bridge is out and all I have to do is reach forward and pull on the break and I want so fucking bad to pull it, I beg and plead with myself to stop the train but I physically can't because that other part of me needs this train to crash and burn because it is a million times better than sitting still with myself, the train crashing and burning keeps the suicidal ideation at bay.

    #bpd life#bpd problems #borderline personality disorder
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  • notveryaestheticc
    19.05.2022 - 11 hours ago

    People romanticise having a favourite person while I want to kms because of my fp most of the time

    #borderline personality problems #bpd vent#pls help#bpd life#quiet bpd #tw self destructive behavior #favourite person#bpd fp #this is a cry for help #fp tag#mental disorder#fp #tw sui joke #tw sui implied #sewerslidal
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  • 1m-s0-tired
    19.05.2022 - 12 hours ago

    i don’t need therapy i need smt rlly traumatic to happen to me BUT THIS TIME someone saves me and holds me in their arms telling me everything’ll be okay.

    or just to beat the shit out of everyone who’s made me the way i am

    #bpd life #living with borderline #tw s3lf harm #self [email protected] #twscars #im not mentally stable #s3lfh4rm #tw ana thoughts #tw cvts #tw self destructive behavior #4n4m1a#im tired#self mutalition#selfharn#tw selfhate#tw 4n4#tw cvtting #tw ed vent #shtumblr#su1c1d3#su1cide#sh#ed related #tw ana rant #an4m1a#anor3x1a #tw sefl harm #tw bpd
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  • anotheruseless-girl
    19.05.2022 - 14 hours ago

    A veces pienso en sí realmente todo esto vale la pena, en sí realmente obtendré algo al final del día.

    Continuamente espero que algo o alguien aparezca y todo cambie, y dicen que nada va a cambiar si uno mismo no cambia primero, pero, ¿qué tengo que cambiar? ¿Hay algo malo en mi?

    Me detengo y observo el cielo, miro hacia las nubes como si ellas tuviesen la respuesta.

    El viento ya no me dice nada, ¿ya no puedo oír? Siento como si hubiese perdido la capacidad de sentir.

    Ya no sé sí realmente estoy esperando algo, o a alguien, no sé si algo tiene que cambiar, no sé qué tiene cambiar o por qué.

    No sé si todo está valiendo la pena, mis estudios, mis relaciones, mis esfuerzos, mis sueños, ¿realmente estoy obteniendo algo?

    Peleo y peleo, y solo termino herido y cansado, ¿realmente vale la pena? Si al final del día terminaré sobre el suelo y la espada escurriendo sangre.

    ¿Para qué? ¿Realmente vale la pena?

    Que siendo sinceros el mundo se acaba, pero yo no siento que este sentimiento termine.

    ¿Será que todos entienden algo que yo no? ¿Será que algo se me escapa?

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  • borderlinepdfeels
    19.05.2022 - 16 hours ago
    #borderline personality disorder #bpd feels#bpd stuff#bpd problems#bpd things#bpd thoughts#actually borderline #borderline personality problems #bpd tag#bpd blog#bpd traits#bpd#bpd life#borderline thoughts#borderline tag#borderline blog #borderline personality disorder blog #borderline personality disorder tag
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  • zaburzonyswiat
    19.05.2022 - 17 hours ago

    Starych znajomych ciągle tracę, a nie znoszę nowych

    -Taconafide - Sectumsempra

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  • zaburzonyswiat
    19.05.2022 - 18 hours ago

    Mam wrażenie, że beze mnie wszystkim jest lżej

    -Taconafide - Sectumsempra

    19.05.21

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  • curememyself
    19.05.2022 - 23 hours ago

    Some relax with Jasmína. Nice walk, nice weather. Love nature. Having pretty bad episode, but my family is supporting me. Today is therapy day. Maybe I will color or draw something.

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  • mybpdtherapydiaries
    19.05.2022 - 1 day ago

    It’s way too early to be feeling anxious 😬 😵‍💫

    I’ll have some herbal tea while I try to adult.

    Let’s try to reply to those texts 🫣

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  • transincidental
    19.05.2022 - 1 day ago

    I punched a wall because a fascist doesnt understand public schools and roads is socialist.. bad idea.

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  • killer-mistletoe
    19.05.2022 - 1 day ago

    This isn’t something I would normally post here but yeah….Loki is finding new ways to call me out on my shit😂😭

    Loki and I have been having problems because I realize I self-sabotage and……I don’t always know how to respond appropriately to respectful loving behavior. Sometimes when Loki treats me this way, I get very confused and feel in awe of him because very few people have ever treated me this way.

    Anyway, I started reading this book. Guess what its about? Its about a woman who is obsessively in love with an abusive dick who abandons her to go overseas. Then when she meets someone who is, in comparison, an amazing partner she feels confused and unsatisfied.

    And I love Loki more than anything.

    Lately, I keep thinking of how similar my life is to when I was married to my ex. How all I do is cook and clean and stay boxed inside, and how I feel like I should be punished if I don’t. I keep thinking of what my ex would say every time I mess up. I keep comparing myself to him cause I feel like I adapted a lot of his negative traits because I’m competitive and wanted to feel smart. He used to think I was stupid because I never graduated high school, and he used big words just to show that he could. Which I also do because I’m insecure.

    Its also why I talk constantly about every new thing that I learn. Do I even like learning or do I only try to learn, so that I can feel superior in some way? Because sometimes I feel like my intellect is all have going for me and I’m not even that smart. Do I learn things so I can use them to hurt people?

    Do I only want to be a good person, so I can feel superior?

    Like I’m realizing these things and I feel like I don’t deserve Loki. I don’t deserve for him to love or care about me. I don’t deserve be loved or held by him or have him say nice things to me.

    Because I’m not good.

    #lokean #norse god loki #loki#god loki#norse loki#loki deity#norse heathen#divination#godphone#synchronicity #not really lokean related #my life#my thoughts#life update#introspective #am i a bad person #whats wrong with me #depression#borderline thoughts#actually bpd #actually mentally ill #i want to be better #i want to be good
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  • bpdcrybaby213
    19.05.2022 - 1 day ago

    But there's just something about him...

    That makes me not able to function without him

    How can I get out of it when I don't know how to?

    #toxic relationship#bpd fp #bpd favorite person #borderline personality disorder #living with bpd #bpd life#bpd things#borderline problems
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