El detonante

Hay mas personas con TCA de las que creemos. No todas adelgazan, no a todas se les nota, y seguramente ni ellos sepan que abrazan un trastorno alimenticio...por pequeño que sea... ¿A cuantas personas conocéis que se restringen en comer algún tipo de alimento? ¿Por que lo hacen? ¿Cuándo sucedió? El detonante es la razón.

Piensa... Seguramente no estuvieses en el mejor momento de tu vida, y quizás alguien hizo un comentario que te caló hondo, tal vez veían que estabas más delgada y te halagaban por tu aspecto, te abandonaron, la soledad, el miedo, la baja autoestima. Todo influye en el lento proceso de caer enferma e ir directa hacia una muerte anunciada... No siempre vas a ver la salida a ese oscuro túnel, pero tengo que decir si hay.

When you have gained weight in recovery and people no longer know how to hold a conversation with you……

I know you don’t want to say the wrong thing, but maybe ask me how I am….

Just realizing something nowadays, this is the most stable my weight has been since 2010; that being said complications I'm having are minimal, it's mostly just indigestion over protein consumption (which mind you I find very uncomfortable and triggering on the hypermaniac side of things.)

I want to start going to the gym but I can only do 20 push-ups on my knees and 15 squats before my muscles are tired. So instead I'm going for a daily walk in the morning. I want to run, run, run and never look back. I could just keep my pace up and not stop, not return to a single aspect of anything. I could go until the death of me to be honest; which is why I'm refraining from starting to run anyways. Nonetheless, walking itself is triggering in the same way that indigestion is... am I not meant to be healthy or something...?

It's not your fault you developed an eating disorder. All the pain you were feeling had to manifest somehow. If it wasn't an ED it would have been something else. Just because you took part in the disordered behavior then doesn't mean you deserved that pain. And you deserve to heal now.

why is it so hard?

fuckin

here we are again another 'two week' goal to lose five/ten pounds or whatever

'oh gee ill just restrict that'll fix it'

all i've done is yo yo'd the past 5-10 pounds up and down over the course of 2 months

like putting glasses made of sand right on my face, the tiniest bit of wind blowing it all in my eyes, and then thinking 'well if I arrange it in the exact same way as before I'm sure it'll be different this time :)'

she is a clown

Found this pretty cool leggings in my closet:

I'm really thinking about looking for a similar one in a larger size so I can fit in when I gain more weight.

On the other hand it would be smarter to wait until I really gain that weight since I'm struggling a lot with my eating disorder...

(｡T ω T｡)

Last night was also pretty heavy. I needed to take some medication and tested the app wysa until the medication showed it effect.

Kind of helpful for an AI. It helped me to remember some good things I'm fighting for. I think I gonna keep that app.

my reasons to ⭐️ve

- thighs won’t touch

- everything will look good on me even typically “ugly” clothes

- if my face doesn’t look good in a pic i can just crop it to my body

- be the skinny sibling/friend

- when ppl describe me they use “lanky/skinny/thin”

- shop at every store

> shop at stores that only carry very small sizes

> get the smallest size

- bracelets will dangle and rings will be loose

- everyone will always ask me to eat

- post body pics on insta

- eat at any restaurant guilt free

- slim face

- thigh gap 4eva

- look good in every photo

- people asking me for wieiad videos/blogs

- being thinspo

- even if i accidentally binge i’ll still be slim

- all hoodies being baggy

> baggy clothes being aesthetic

- being irl thinspo for my friends

- even if i gain a bit i’ll still being v underweight

- being the “i’ll have a salad” friend when going to restaurants

- looking good in every aesthetic

- “do u even eat?” as an insult

- being the skinniest in photos

- ppl asking if i photoshop my body pics cuz i’m so slim

- candid photos always look good

> look good from every angle

> body side profile always looks good

I wish I could just not eat out of habit and not have to think about it instead ingredients of obsessing over food 24/7

🥦Spinach & Broccoli Pasta🍝

Hey guys! I know it's been a while since I've posted, but I'm still hanging around. I've got another low-cal recipe to share that's really tasty and smells so good that my mom actually wanted to try it lol.

Ingredients

• 1 package Shirataki Noodles - 10

• 75g Broccoli, chopped - 25

• 0.25 cup Frozen Spinach - 16

• 0.5 cup Water - 0

• 2 Tbsp Tomato Paste - 30

• 2 tsp Italian Seasoning - 10

• 1 tsp Garlic Powder - 10

• Salt & Pepper to taste - 1-5

Instructions

1: Drain and rinse noodles well then boil for 5-10 minutes. Drain and set aside.

2: Steam broccoli and spinach in a skillet or saucepan. Add tomato paste and water and stir until combined.

3: Reduce heat to LOW and add seasonings. Add noodles and stir until well-mixed.

4: Serve immediately or store for later!

Total Calories: 105 calories

This is an actually filling meal that tastes like real food and it's relatively easy to make! It's also a great make-ahead meal if you have school or work or just want to meal prep.

Enjoy! 💘

i need a strict ana coach desperately <33 please msg me !

don’t be extreme, just be consistent

um….hi? it’s been a while edtumblr

.

i’ll never forgive those teenagers that dragged me into a pro ana snap groupchat shit changed me in ways i wouldn’t wish on anyone. i was 13 at the oldest who does that? cause they felt bad about themselves!? i do know one of them is getting better though that’s a plus i suppose. sad but probably 100% is that people still use that chat maybe not how it started because they were all attached to it for no reason…

being in a healthy long term relationship has really been making a lot of my former personality traits from when i was small come out again and one of those is just genuinely loving food and eating food...whether i’m eating with him or alone sometimes lately i just take a bit of something and i’m just like WOW 😃 like food really is just a pleasure and a blessing and i’m glad i can enjoy it and let it make me happy again.

Can someone add me to an Ed groupchat. Either on here or instagram. Dm me for my instagram. I need people to talk to lol

this is the longest time i've gone without an active eating disorder since i was like 14. i make a point of saying "i have an eating disorder" instead of "i had", the same way addicts will say they're addicts even 10 years in recovery, because that's important to me, stressing that while i am in recovery, that part of me is not gone, that it's more like a dormant volcano that i have to keep an eye on. but i have been in recovery for over a year now with no significant relapses. not every day is easy, i still struggle a lot with my body, but i eat normally. food isn't on my mind 24/7, most of the time, it's just another part of life. and this is new, and it's odd, because i feel a sense of accomplishment and failure at the same time. i suffer from nostalgia. i have survivors guilt. not every day is easy but...

i'm happier. i'm freer, and i'm happier, maybe the happiest i've ever been and that feels weird to say because i've never been this deeply traumatised before, but i've also never been able to accomplish so much healing. recovery is not easy nor is it linear but it is so worth it

I AM NOT GOING TO LOSE MOTIVATION I AM NOT GOING TO LOSE MOTIVATION. I. AM. NOT. GOING. TO. FUCKING. GIVE. UP. THIS. TIME. I AM NOT GONNA BE FUCKING WEAK I AM GOING TK BE IN CONTROL AND HAVE AN IRON WILL POWER. I CAN FUCKING DO IT. I WILL NOT GIVE UP. I WILL NOT GIVE UP. I WILL NOT GIVE UP.

chewing food for the taste and spitting it out makes me feel so fucking disgusting. Literally fucking fowl. And seeing the chewed up food makes me glad I didn't swallow it because it looks so fucking disgusting and putrid and fattening and I become so glad i didn't put it in my body.