I’ve only had 220 cals today and I still don’t feel like it’s okay? I went from eating over 1,000 cals ina sitting back to this and yet I still don’t feel like I’m restricting enough
I just binged to the point where my stomach actually hurts so bad and im gonna fast tomorrow when im fully sober
Tw 4n4 / restrictive ed's
I wanna give up so fucking bad, I miss binging so much but as the days go by I'm losing like a pound a day and am doing amazing and it's so great and I don't wanna give it up just yet
My mom keeps trying to make me eat at least breakfast and dinner and making me huge plates full of food that I don't want to waste
At the end of the day I'm still maintaining a calorie deficit through basic restriction and exercise but it's not enough
I should try to go on a week fast soon just to reset, maybe I'll get used to the hunger pains by then
Surprise, surprise a comment from a family member caught me off guard and I finally snapped (internally), now I will be fasting for 3 days and follow a very restrictive diet. Fuck my life. I hate my brain and body endlessly.
Can't believe I've managed to stay at around 1000kcal for the day even after going out with friends and not skipping dinner at all. I'd feel great if only I weren't this fucking bloated 🙃
Today's intake:
Fibre One lemon drizzle square - 86cals
Co-op garden salad bowl with a tin of tuna, 2tbsp Tesco lighter than light mayo, and 100g raw kimchi - 181cals
Fibre One chocolate fudge brownie square - 83cals
Changed bedsheets, so net intake is 323. I might have something else, I don't know. Maybe some ham or vegetarian sausages for the protein? 555. [Ham, cheese triangle, salt & vinegar rice and corn cakes, and another Fibre One square. I need to stop posting food logs unless I'm absolutely sure I've finished for the day 😅]
My sleeping pattern is messed up so I might try to pull an all-nighter, but then that means the morning weigh-in may not be accurate since I won't have rested... And I want to be under 208 tomorrow! 🙏🏻🤞🏻
I love how my MyNetDiary app sends me notifications to log my food after I fuckinf BINGE.
Like uhh no I’d rather not because I feel like a piece of shit lol
Something to be happy about
I've noticed that when I get out of the shower I am able to wrap the towel around myself more. Before I couldn't do it all the way and a good section of my side would be visible but now I can wrap it all the so that I'm fully covered
Yessssss
I'm also (hopefully) going to to able to see how much I weigh.
I have a gym on my campus and I'm going to go with my roommates and the gym has a scale so when we go I'm going to be able to see how much I weigh!!!
I swear to god if I haven't lost any weight im gonna be upset. Omg if I GAINED weight, it's over for EVERYONE
I think I would lose my mind
I'm just trying to be super hopeful and hopefully by the end of the day I'll be able to update my cw and I read hope I'm in the 190's!
That's all I have for you lovelies, see you later -I hope
Teehee
I'm currently reading a paper about anorexia and bulimia. This paper states that food is love and affection. Is the bond that we have with our mothers, or the person that replaces them. Food is our desire to live, and when we don't have that, our lack of appetite is the consequence.
“ The submission towards the parents, and above all for the mother, was only existence out of concern. They never had a chance to find out what they were like outside of that influence. Non-existent for them, they act at the request of the mother's expectations to not disappoint her expectations"
is it normal when my ribcage is starting to be rlly visible to hurt so bad?
5k steps and 0kcal today
Goal for tomorrow is 10k steps!
Sometimes I think back to a few years ago when I needed new clothes because I couldn't fit my old ones.
Idk what I said before this, but my dad was like, "you're not a size 0".
Perhaps that's what started it all... 😭
I just went to Walmart with my grandma and holy shit, I love her but she gets on my nerves sm.
I was getting plain t-shirts from the clearance section in Walmart, and she kept on saying how I need a large when she's knows I've lost weight and she says, "well not that much".
LIKE I SWEAR MY EYE TWITCHED IN THAT MOMENT
I fit size 7-9/medium in shirts, I always have, my upper half is smaller than the lower half of my body, idk why she thinks I fit a large.
It's really hard to hear your family members saying, "you need to do lose weight, "you need to do this and that", or that I haven't loss much.. when I've been trying a lot AND have been making progress, I ate earlier too which I already felt guilty about.
Maybe she saw my enormous thighs and thought, "she's still just as big as last time what is she talking about". 💀
(Or she's projecting because she has body insecurities too oop)
I used to binge a LOT! But as soon as I recognised that I was doing it, and taught myself self control, I stopped and haven't done it in a pretty long time.
"nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
Have the feeling that my next binge is gonna be a bottle of pills :)
