#funny texts Tumblr posts

its just frustrating

dirty memes

funny dirty memes 

@dirtytalk-dirtymemes

Ancient civilisations discover my ancient writings:

God I hate how hard she slays; but in Friday I’m going to serve her a full 8 course buffet hunty 😂

they call me the number one p*rnbot blocker in the west

ok i just have made a friend and randomly we're like super close; we've been "friends" for months but all of a sudden we're texting each other constantly and this is so insane??? i like them so much, to the point where i dont dread responding to messages. i actually look forward to sending a text back, it's not even that much effort, really. i cannot stop smiling whenever i think about them and when they asked me my favorite iced tea i told them and they said they weren't going to do anything with this information (therefore implying that they will be buying me iced tea) and i quite literally was jumping for joy. is this what friendship is actually supposed to feel like?

An out-of-context quote that gets me every time I read it:

Ernest: is that sarcasm?

Steward: No. It’s 2:02 AM.

In honor of my school being out, here are some things I overheard at my high school this year

“That’s not very girl boss of you”

“he looks like he thinks twink is a slur”

“i don’t know about you but ukuleles are just violins but really gay”

“do you want to see me drawing [medical version of the world] somebody else’s blood?”

‘’Oopsies, he was human”

“‘proposal, kill them quickly’ thanks bitch I’m trying”

‘’I want to glaze my shit… wait-‘’

‘’ We’re pulling out- wait- we’re rolling out’’

‘’I want multiple hickies’’ ‘’I have multiple hickies’’ from who’’ ‘’myself’’

‘’ hold up my titties are fully out’’

‘’ did you fuck a vegetable?!’’

‘’This is my friend Jacob, his name is red bundy’’

‘’The school bible [yearbook] is in my hands’’

[male teacher, then student] ‘’’Guess what?’ ‘You’re pregnant?’’’

transgender verified. 8 years later

i got all the shampoo in the world in my bathroom but only a cumshot of conditioner left in every bottle here this is sick

I was gonna screenshot a textpost to edit into Gotham memes but the op was an aphobe

hot take: grey’s anatomy would’ve worked better as a comedy

colton for the love of GOD the backup is not more important.