Hello!! I adore your writing, you make everything so in character and realistic! Could you write a fic where the reader is dating Harry (recent) and she’s super worried because she’s on antidepressants that lower the sex drive and make it hard to orgasm and her ex used to make her feel guilty about it and she’s worried Harry will be the same? Very fluffy, smut if you want it. I’m sorry if this is weird/too personal. Thanks and love from Brazil!
Hi to you from the USA!!! Thank you so much for your kind words ~ I hope you enjoy this! x
tags: @allskynostars @chloefran @staceystoleyourheart @hazgoldenstyles
(fluff, smut, mentions of depression and medication)
It was brand new and exciting, a roller coaster ride you never wanted to get off of. Harry was so enthusiastic and full of grace, holding you close, kissing you with a tenderness you had never known before. He wrote songs about you even though you had agreed to be together only recently, and it made your heart skip beats when he sang lyrics to you, playing his guitar and the piano with a gorgeous, rare talent.
Fear, though, fear about the physicality of the relationship. He knew you struggled with your mental health and took medication, and he was immensely supportive at all times. Setting alarms in his phone to remind you to take them was an extra step, though you had already set them on your own phone. It was so touching, he was so into you, and you were beyond into him. It felt real, secure, safe.
The closer you got, the more he put his hands on you, a loving, gentle touch here and there, encouraging you to do the same. But he didn’t know. He didn’t know how hard it was for you, how it had been in the past, how the other had made you feel. Kissing him back, moaning his name, feeling his hands on your thighs and behind, it only made you want him more. But what… what if you couldn’t finish? What if he got tired of trying? What if? You wanted to believe that he was different, he felt so different, but that fear. That fear never left.
Late one night in his apartment, making out on the couch with his hands in your hair, yours on his bare chest. Holding him close, never wanting to let him go, you kissed down his throat and smiled against his skin when he groaned your name loudly into the darkness.
“Baby,” he grunted, lifting his hips into yours. “You’ve… no fuckin’ idea how much I want you.”
“You do?” You pulled back, breathless, your body burning.
He stared up at you with pure infatuation, nodding eagerly. “Is it too soon?”
“It’s not that, no, I just…” Oh, oh God. You knew that you would have to tell him eventually, you knew that it was coming. Here it was.
“What is it?” He held you closer against his body, his eyes searching your face. “What is it, luv?”
“I had… some bad experiences in my last relationship.”
“Talk to me about it.”
Taking a deep breath and moving to sit next to him, your eyes darting briefly to the tent in his pants. Mouth going dry, you swallowed hard and closed your eyes for a moment to gather yourself.
“My meds… they make my sex drive weird. They make it difficult to orgasm, they make it hard for me to get excited sometimes. I’ve talked to my doctor about it, and it’s just… something I’m trying to deal with.”
“Did someone give you a hard time with this?” He looked upset.
“Fuck. I’m so sorry,” he whispered, running his hands through his hair and gazing at you with adoration and sadness combined into one expression. “That’s horrid. And so unfair.”
“They just demanded so much of me, they got frustrated when I wouldn’t come, they made me feel guilty and like I wasn’t good enough.”
Anger flashed in his eyes for a brief moment before he pulled you back into a secure hug, burying his face in your neck. “Sweetheart, thank you for being honest with me about this. Thank you for telling me the truth.”
“I want this to work with you, Harry, so desperately much. I care for you deeply.”
“As I care for you.”
“I just… I just ask that you be patient and work with me. I want this with you, I want to show you how I feel with my body, heart, and soul…”
“Of course.” Harry gently tilted your chin up to make eye contact with you. “Listen. I am in this. I think you’re beyond incredible in every single way. Remember what I wrote about you? Remember those words? I mean every one. I mean it.” He looked so serious. “You can trust me. I will not demand anything of you, I will not judge you, I will not make you feel bad for anything. I will work with you, I will get to know what works and what doesn’t, I will pour my entire heart into this relationship so you know how safe you are with me.”
Growing emotional quickly, eyes full of tears, you wrapped your arms around his neck and crawled back into his lap, kissing all over his beautiful face. “Harry, Harry Styles you incredible man.”
“I’m only a human being.” He smiled crookedly, watching you carefully, reading your expression. “You deserve the best, and it sounds like that person gave you the bare minimum.”
“What can I do to ease your worries?”
“You already have,” you whispered, nuzzling into his neck, closing your eyes and breathing him in. He squeezed you affectionately, turning his head to kiss your forehead.
“You tell me when you’re ready. I won’t push, and if I ever go too far, you let me know.”
Lifting your head, your heart full, you felt your face grow hot. “It’s not that I’m not ready…”
“Oh?” His eyebrows went up.
“It was just the fear, I needed to talk about it with you and let you know what was going on in my head.”
Harry’s eyes moved along your neck and chest before returning back to your gaze. “Just let me know…”
Feeling overwhelmed with emotion, your body aching for him, you leaned in to kiss him deeply, saying it all with your lips. He kissed you back hard and eagerly, his hands moving up into your hair to grip it gently, holding your face close to his.
“Now?” He pulled back. “Are you sure?”
“Take me to bed, baby…”
No hesitation on his part, he swept you off the couch and carried you to his room with a beautiful grin on his face, kissing any skin he could find on the way there. You held on tight, giggling loudly when you fell onto your back on the bed.
“God, I’ve dreamed of this with you for so long…”
“Then make it worth my while.”
His mouth found yours, intense and desperate as your shirt disappeared and hit the floor. He was slow and careful, though his hunger leaked through, giving him away. Grinding his waist down into yours, you lifted your hips to be closer, gasping loudly, his lust pressing against your thigh.
“Fuck, fuck my girl,” he groaned, his hands moving down your front and drawing out a breathless sigh. “Your sounds are ecstasy.”
“Love me, Harry…”
Sitting up a little, he tugged down your pants and underwear all at once, and suddenly you were bare before him. He stared, biting his lip, love in his eyes though he hadn’t used the word yet.
“You’re… absolutely… breathtaking.” He laughed a little, confusing you for a moment. “I write music for a living, and I literally can’t come up with better words right now.”
Smiling broadly, you sat up and tugged at his jeans, pulling them down and swallowing hard when he was suddenly free against his belly. Resting back, letting him crawl over you, you kissed him again, your hands on his neck.
“Tell me, what works for you, honey?”
“What do you mean?”
“What helps you get off and what doesn’t?” He was so genuinely concerned and wanted you to feel good.
“It… kind of depends,” you said, blushing furiously. “Oral is good. Sex sometimes…”
He was between your legs before another word came out, devouring you with passion and sending your back arching into the air. Whether it was your feelings for him or his immense need to pleasure you, it was unlike anything anyone had ever given you before.
“Fuck, fuck Harry!”
“Is this okay?” He had lifted his head for a brief moment to gaze up at you.
“Yes, please keep going…”
So he did, now taking his time with you, slipping a finger into your entrance after a little and working your sensitive parts. Feeling it build quicker than ever before, unsure of where it was even coming from, you began to gasp loudly for air, your hair sticking to your forehead with sweat.
“Harry, fuck, Harry I’m close…”
“Are you serious?”
“Fuck, yes, fuck!”
Unable to stop at this point, he pressed further, his eyes on your face the entire time to read your reaction, so into it that his eyes were nearly black with lust. Your legs began to tremble, and you spread them wider, arching your back higher into the air until it struck like lightning, an orgasm unlike anything you had ever experienced. Crying out his name, you grabbed the pillow behind you and turned your head to bite it, your entire body twitching and shivering with the intensity of what he was giving you.
“Fuck,” he whispered, staring the entire time, soaking in every bit of what he was doing.
As it slowly faded, another small streak of pleasure that drew out a deep grunt from your lips, you fell flat against the bed and closed your eyes, smiling broadly and covering your face.
“Holy shit, Harry.”
“Don’t cover that gorgeous face,” he insisted, crawling up over you and moving your hands. “God, that was unreal.”
“For you?! Imagine how it was for me,” you laughed and pulled him in for a deep kiss, reaching down to gently grip him at the base. He released a soft sound into your lips, his body shuddering.
“Whatcha doing, beautiful?”
“Returning the favor.”