You cursed as you fearfully scrolled through Twitter, your hands shaking as you tapped at the various articles linked to yours and Jungwon's names.
This was not fucking happening.
"We'll sort this out," Jia promises calmly from beside you, but you hear the tremor in her voice. Even she didn’t fully believe the words coming out of her mouth.
Sort this out.
How was anybody supposed to "sort out" the fact that Koreaboo, Soompi, AllKpop and all of those other dumb tabloids were collectively putting out articles about you allegedly confessing to Yang Jungwon?
Though, of course, it wasn’t alleged. You did confess to Jungwon.
But only IKONIC and Jungwon himself (and probably the other Enhypen members) knew about it.
So how the hell was this happening?
"This makes no sense," you whisper, a feeling of queasiness descending upon you as you read a particularly nasty comment about you, "Somebody, please… tell me this isn't happening."
Riyah shoots you a look of despair when she sees you’re on the verge of tears and Ami rushes to throw her arms around you. Through your blurred vision, you see both Sunwoo and Daiyu staring intensely at their phones while you hear the sound of Jia’s nails clicking loudly at her phone screen. She was presumably in a heated conversation with your manager over the fact that you were currently trending on Twitter for getting rejected by The leader of Enhypen: Yang Jungwon.
You let out a tearful groan as you sunk deeper into Ami’s embrace, “Please let me wake up from this fucking nightmare.”
“Don’t worry Y/n…Lots of Ikons are defending you,” Riyah says in a reassuring manner, but it doesn’t make you feel any better and you just look at her helplessly. Of course, a small part of you was glad to see your fans standing up for you. But you couldn't really focus on that when you saw all of the negative comments that they were defending you from.
“She really thought she had a chance?” (No, you didn’t, but you thought it wouldn’t hurt to let him know how you felt.)
“She’s not even close to his level, what was she even thinking??” (To be fair, even you didn't know what you were thinking when you decided to confess. You just knew you wanted to do it. )
“And she has the audacity to do still do a variety show with him? " (That wasn't even in your control. We're you not supposed to do your literal job even though you and Jungwon had happily reconciled like 4 months ago? )
Honestly, it felt like you were once again transported back to 3 years ago, contemplating whether or not you should go through with the confession. Only this time you were not alone in your self-criticism. Now you had the company of thousands of people joining in on beating you down with their harsh and unwanted opinions.
Wasn't that great?
"How the hell did word of this even get out?" Riyah asks, voicing the question that has been plaguing your mind ever since you opened Twitter, "Are you sure nobody else saw you confessing to Jungwon?"
You give Riyah a blank stare, though you doubt you look as annoyed as you are, given there were tears brimming the corner of your eyes, "Oh, I don't know Riyah... It's not exactly like I was keeping track of the people walking down the street while I was getting rejected."
At Riyah's crestfallen face, you immediately feel bad. You know she didn't mean any harm by asking - she simply wanted you to rack your brain for any possible reason as to how your little confession scene got leaked all over the media... But truthfully, you didn't know either, and it was frustrating the hell out of you.
"I'm sorry Ri, I'm just really as clueless as you are right now..."
"Dude, why are you even apologizing? It was stupid of me to even ask in the first place."
"Yeah," Ami chimes in, "You know Riyah unnie is always saying stupid things."
At that, Riyah's sympathetic face morphs into one of irritation, "You are literally such a brat-"
Their bickering makes everything feel normal again, and you let your guard down for just a second. In just that moment, you finally feel free again, like you can breathe.
And then that moment is shattered by the sound of your phone going off.
A notification from Yang Jungwon.
prev ⇥ chapter twenty⇥ next
Idol Crush!💞 Masterlist
synopsis: y/n knew that when she and her group, IKONIC, finally debuted, there'd be a chance that she'd run into yang jungwon--the leader of the global rookie group ENHYPEN. but jungwon isn't just the leader of a famous 4th gen boy group, he's also the boy that she confessed to three years ago and got rejected by. The last thing y/n needs to do is fall back in like with him, because even something as simple as an idol crush could bring about some unwanted drama and dispatch worth headlines.
— sends a text asking you if you're up for a midnight trip to the skate park. he literally asks you just as you were about to sleep. "meet you there." that's how you ended up eating take out with him at the park. "come on let's get you home." keeps his arm around your waist the whole time.
% jay : movie night at home !
— every saturday night he comes to your place for your annual movie night. he always steals your blanket in the middle of the movie. "stop hogging the blanket." your lucky he can't resist you. "come here," motioning for you to come closer. happily taking the opportunity to snuggle with him.
% jake : picnic at the park !
— invites you for a picnic just to see you enjoy yourself. always brings his polaroid camera. he loves taking photos of you since you look the prettiest to him. splits all the polaroids he took with you. "this day is all about you." he's such a sweetheart :(( literally made your heart melt. he'd do anything for you.
% sunghoon : coffee break at a cafe !
— takes you out for coffee every friday. memorizes your coffee order by heart. always pays for your order no matter how many times you decline his offer. loves listening to you talk. something about your voice is so calming. "go ahead im listening." can be such a menace though. literally does not stop teasing you.
% sunoo : a walk at the beach !
— invites you to daily walks at the beach for a breather. likes to hold your hand while walking around. talks about everything and anything with you. he doesn't care what he does. as long as it's with you. you make him so calm and relaxed. loves seeing you smile. "this smile is only for you."
% jungwon : studying at the library !
— he knows how important it is for you to study and how tired you can get. which is why he always makes sure to be there with you. he's not afraid to tell you when to stop and rest. would make you lay your head on his shoulder to sleep. sometimes it he ends up doing some of your work since he doesn't wanna wake you up. "it's okay. i finished some for you."
% niki : painting in an art class !
— loves it because he gets to show off his art skills. would get up from his spot to guide you. brushing his hand on top of yours, slowly guiding the paint brush. he would whisper the instructions into your ear and walk away like nothing happened. asks you to exchange paintings with him cause he wants to keep yours. "i wanna hang it in my room."
↬ jake for reasons unknown to enhypen has always kept quiet about his life back in australia. jake see’s now reason to mix up his life as an idol and his life back home, besides jake hasn’t seen his friends from aus in years now. but when his oldest friend, wanda , shows up on enhypens doorstep refusing to tell him why jake has no choice but to let her stay at the dorm and introduce his group members. hiding wanda from his manager and trying to manage a quickly souring relationship between jay and wanda just might be too much for the aussie…
synopsis: y/n knew that when she and her group, IKONIC, finally debuted, there'd be a chance that she'd run into yang jungwon--the leader of the global rookie group ENHYPEN. but jungwon isn't just the leader of a famous 4th gen boy group, he's also the boy that she confessed to three years ago and got rejected by. The last thing y/n needs to do is fall back in like with him, because even something as simple as an idol crush could bring about some unwanted drama and dispatch worth headlines.
SYNOPSIS. you and jungwon were bestfriends since remembrance, so would it last when he showed up at your door as a vampire with blood on his hands? More importantly, with your blood on his hands?
GENRE. vampire!au, friends to lovers!au, fluff, angst
PAIRING. vampire!jungwon x fem!reader ft. sunoo and jake of enhypen
WARNINGS. mentions of food, major character death, bittersweet kiss, sunoo and jake trick the two. lowercase intended.
WORD COUNT. 4.3k
NOTE. i wrote this right after i saw the mix and max performance (they SLAYED btw) so ig this is kind of inspired..? not my best work, don't really like it tbh... *NOT REALLY PROOFREAD🤥*
Reblogs and feedback are highly appreciated!
When jungwon came to your door, knocking frantically in the early hours of the night. You assumed it was because he'd either come to ramble or join you in bed because of noisy thunder and didn't want to sleep alone.
You, his best friend, were practically used to these gestures frequented between the two. Both were inseparable since elementary school. You currently lived in a dorm for your secondary education, and next door lived yang jungwon, making it easy for him to slip in and out of your dorm.
You weren't anticipating him drenched, with his skin painfully pale as thunder roaring in the back. "are you ill?" you place a hand on his forehead to check his temperature, yet what you felt was sickening.
He was unbearably cold, your eyes dilating while jungwon ripped the hand off his forehead, intensely gazing at you. His fingertips were frigid, no warmth radiating off him like he was... dead.
You watched as his orbs glowed yellow, causing you to back away. "y/n," he voiced shakily, his eyes softening upon your visible fear. "i'm a vampire now."
You marveled at his words, jaw craned open in response. "what… how," you mutter, displaying your apparent shock. You shook your head violently, "come inside and explain."
The drenched boy, or now, vampire boy, agreed. He stepped inside while you maneuvered between his dorm and yours, fetching him a fresh pair of clothes. You return to your dorm, where he dried his damp hair with a dry towel.
You couldn't help but wonder what the boy could be thinking of now, and you knew better than to think he was joking. Vampires were on the loose for centuries, lurking around and turning innocent humans into their kind till immortality.
You offered jungwon the fresh pair of clothes, which he accepted, and peeled the soaked hoodie off him while you watched him. It wasn't any different between you two. Maybe it'd been long since last time, driving heat to rush to your cheeks.
You excused yourself, getting yourself and him a glass of water to quench your thirst. He settled on your bed, staring aimlessly into the air with the glass of water in hand. "how did it happen?" You question slowly, taking note that he could be shocked into consideration.
"i took maeumi on a walk around twelve before it started pouring. When I got back from the park, I realized that I had left my phone there. So I thought I'd retrieve it and found my phone on one of the benches and heard rustling from the bushes.
i figured it might be an abandoned pet. I then bent over to see, but it was a vampire," he paused, hesitancy building in his tone, "…feasting on a human. It launched at me, piercing its sharp canines into the crook of my neck. I thought this was the end, that I was going to die.
some elderly lady throwing out the trash saw me, muttered a few lines in a foreign language provoking the vampire to screech, and ran away... After that, I blacked out and woke up a vampire with a silent heart."
You stay silent, bearing everything disclosed. Jungwon mutely bored his eyes into his pale hands. "that's a lot to take in," you state the obvious, making him chuckle dryly.
"are you… hungry?"
He looked up at you in alarm, fiercely shaking his head from side to side with a gaze that could kill, "i won't."
"i said i won't."
You sough, honoring his wishes, "want normal food? I have some jajangmyeon from earlier," you mention, hoping he says yes. He did to your avail. "sure," he quipped, a halfhearted bread-like smile blooming on his lips, deep dimples on display.
You'd served him a bowl of jajangmyeon, seated beside him on the kitchen island, overseeing as he ate. How could you aid him possibly, "hate to say this, but what now," you spoke as jungwon stopped slurping on the noodle midway.
Maybe you shouldn't have brought it up. You observe jungwon's eyes glass over. He slurped the remaining noodle into his mouth, chewing on it silently, glancing at the marble top of the island.
He gulped down the bit of food he chewed, moving closer to you as the vampire placed hands on your shoulders, leaning in with his head rested in the crook of your neck.
If it weren't for the heartbroken tone, you'd probably have butterflies swarming your stomach. "I don't know, i don't want to be alone forever," jungwon croaked out, sniffling lightly.
You winded your arms around him, embracing him. You ran a hand down his hair soothingly. Right now would be the worst time to confess that you liked him for years before, moreover that those feelings are returning.
You recall the first time your friend teased you about being his girlfriend in grade 7, and the thought hadn't escaped your mind since.
The denial came and went, acceptance settling in, though you realized harboring feelings for your best friend could end everything.
If it didn't go your way, you'd lose him. As a result, you pushed your feelings to the side, convincing yourself that being friends was enough. You eventually lost your feelings for him.
So why'd your heart pound against your ribcage while you gap into his gloomy and tired orbs?
You put away the bowl in the sink, opting to do the dishes in the morning. You held jungwon by the hand, lugging him to your bed. "it's late. we should get some rest," you say, readying yourself to go to bed, the clock ticking 2:36 am.
Yet jungwon didn't budge from his stance in front of your bed as you tidied the pillows. "jungwon," you voice desperately, hearing your voice crack. He gulped down the unknown lump in his throat, peering at your pleading eyes.
He settled beside you on the mattress, laying down and kicking the blanket onto both. You laid down, turning to him, shuffling closer like a magnet.
"i might have someone who can help with this," you articulate, shattering the silence as jungwon tucked you in his arms. You peer up at him full of hope. "let's pay them a visit tomorrow," he responded.
"good night, won."
"good night, y/n." He returned, resisting the fragrant smell of your scarlet blood and the urge to bore his now monstrous canines into the crook of your neck.
You'd risen from a painful nightmare eerily early, noting the time on your phone; 7:48 am. It was scarring, where jungwon died at the vampire's hands, fangs injected into him, sucking his blood.
You were shaken awake from fear merely to find yourself being bear-hugged by the very vampire, face buried between your neck and pillow nape.
You attempt to make the boy let go of his death grip around, doing everything possible, yet to no avail. You groaned in exhaustion, opting to text your friend, jake, inquiring about the supernatural friend he claimed to have.
Not expecting a reply in the crack of early morning sunlight, you dozed back to sleep. Jungwon couldn't get you out of his mind, even in his dreams. Whether the indulging scent of your blood or just you, he'd dreamed of both.
He'd seared his teeth in your throat, consumed your sweet blood, and cuddled you while watching a movie. He was sure he'd never taste your blood, not wanting to injure you or turn you into his kind.
But jungwon wondered if he'd ever call you his, though he wasn't sure when he'd initially regarded you as more than a best friend. He fluttered his eyes open, landing his sights on your slumbered face. Your mouth opened in the slightest, rendering a toothy grin from him.
He snuggled to you, pulling into your slumber even deeper. But no, your phone rang through the serene daylight, nudging you awake. Jake read the contact name while you slide the green button to the side, answering the call.
"hello," you spoke, yawning as jungwon clung to you, pouting. You wondered why he was jutting his lips in a pout, dismissing the thoughts while you conversed with jake through the phone.
"no, it's not for me," you pause, gaze falling on the vampire boy who could only groan and shut his eyes while you saddened, "yes, thank you, jake." You conclude, cutting the line.
You turned to jungwon, poking his cheek, "shall we get ready to leave," you spoke softly, lightly pinching his cheek as he nodded. You left to your routine chores after freshening up, washing the dishes, and hanging your clothes and jungwon's wet ones to dry.
You strode to the kitchen, the following task at hand to prepare breakfast, solely for jungwon to be slanted against the island, toasting some bread.
"sandwich?" he asked, peering at you.
"sandwich." You repeated, a gummy smile lifting on your face. He was still the boy you grew up with; You helped the red-haired prepare the assortment of a sandwich, placing the vegetables, meat, and freshly toasted bread in order.
"this friend of yours," jungwon began pausing to munch on the sandwich made not 2 minutes ago. He must've been hungry. "can they really help?"
"only one way to find out,"
You followed the directions communicated by jake, taking a right turn with jungwon tailing behind you. "I think it should be…right up ahead..?" you drag cluelessly.
Nonetheless, you stepped forward and came across a whimsical-looking store, sharing a wary glance with your best friend. "wait, I'll open the door, just in case," he declared, stepping to the door and propelling it open, the bell chiming as he held the door for you.
"is anyone there?" you ask, peering around the mystical yet cozy shop. "indeed! You both must be here because of jake, i suppose," an unknown foxy-eyed boy not much older than both of your voices, scrutinizing you head to toe.
The vampire looked warily at foxy-eyed, placing an arm in front of you, protectively. "do you work here?" jungwon inquires, skeptical of him.
"i do, indeed," the feline-eyed quips, "how could i be of any help today," he inquires, a sly smile settling on his lips.
Jungwon turned to you, "i don't think he can be of any help. let's just leave," he whispered, producing you to shake your head disapprovingly. "No, we're not leaving," you state, clasping his wrist in your hand and hauling him to where the anonymous boy sat.
"so? do you need a love potion; it's a hot item these days, or to get revenge on the desired person? Many customers say they wreaked their revenge," the unknown boy spoke with his orb glistening, glancing at the two expecting a reply.
You gulp and muster up the courage to ask in favor of your vampire friend, "do you have anything that can transform creatures back into a human?" you question. You hoped he wouldn't stare at you weirdly for it.
"oh…no, I don't—"
"see, i told you he couldn't help," jungwon interrupts, facepalming.
"but i do possess something that can reverse time," the feline-featured concludes, sending a glare disapprovingly at the vampire boy.
Your orbs light up in hope as jungwon feigns silence. You urge the boy to continue, "You'll require this," he says, whipping out a miniature bottle filled with shimmering blue liquid and a red thread. "It's a high-priced item, and only two people can go back in time, but," he pauses, glancing at you two.
"but?" you question, not bothering about the price, "but you involve strong emotions, and I'd say a kiss would do the trick…" He completed, placing the tiny bottle on the table with the ruby thread, sliding them to you across the table.
"oh," you manage, your gaze nervously meeting jungwon's, who equally shared the look. "we'll take it," you answer shakily, placing the pricey amount on the counter and the small bottle and thread in your bag.
"so all we have to do is take a sip of this liquid, tie the thread around my pinky and then his. Then collectively think back to the date we want to change?"
"and kiss," he perks, sheepishly smiling.
"and you have two chances, so it's alright if you mess up the first time." he continued with a mischievous glint in his orbs.
You bid the boy goodbye and a thank you, turning to leave while stepping to exit. "wait!" the unknown boy shouts, "i must inform you, though, you will begin to forget why you've returned in time, so i advise you use your first chance as a test.
and if you find anything wrong with the timeline or such, come back to this shop. I'm always here regardless." He finished, beaming at you particularly. "alright, thank you… foxy-eyed boy!" you shout from the other end of the shop as you hear him chuckle, "the names sunoo!"
You exit the shop with jungwon, smiling that you had a chance at reversing jungwon's fate. "that wasn't all that bad," you say, a grin stretching across your lips, merely for the vampire to scoff, "this could be a scam, y/n, don't believe people so easily."
"don't be uptight, won. We could reverse your fate with it," you retort, observing the time ticked 6:03 pm. "now let's go to the cafe, then get home and try this," you say, referring to the sky-blue liquid tucked away in your bag. Jungwon only groans as you drag him to the nearest cafe, grabbing something for the both of you to eat.
The most nerve-racking part of the little ritual sunoo instructed remains minutes away from taking place. Your heart thumped while jungwon tied the thread on your pinky after he finished tying his.
"jungwon," you croak out, all the more anxiety invading you as he gazed at you doe-eyed. "yeah?" he asks, slowly corking the cork off the miniature bottle, careful not to spill any liquid.
"I'm nervous," you hurriedly voice, fiddling with your fingers, looking down at them. "I'm nervous too, but it's fine. We have two chances, y/n," the boy replies, reassuring me about the wrong thing.
"that's not what I'm nervous about," you halt, gulping down the tense feeling, urging yourself to continue, "I'm nervous about the kiss." Silence follows as you think the world collapsed on you.
"not that the fact I'll kiss you but what it'll become of our friendship if we—" he cuts you off, placing a hand on your cheek, cupping your face and leaning forward, and connecting his lips to yours.
You felt his cold lips against yours instantly, but it spread warmth through your chest as you reciprocated the motion, grinning into the kiss. Fireworks go off in your head as he pulls away, smiling with his dimples, looking adorable.
"our relationship will be what you want it to be, y/n," he ends, perfectly encapsulating the moment that will remain ingrained in your memory for years to come.
"you know that we had to kiss after we sipped on liquid, not before," you say, snickering while he smacked his forehead, hiding his rosy tinted cheeks.
"it's fine, i wouldn't mind kissing you again anyways," he mutters, promptly taking a sip of the glowing blue liquid, acting like he wasn't the cause of heat speeding to your cheeks. Familiar feelings of butterflies zooming around in your stomach erupted.
He delivers the bottle, only a quarter empty, ensuring there's enough for the second chance. You sip the blue liquid that tastes like blue lemonade, much to your surprise.
"oh wow, it tastes just like blue lemonade," you comment while jungwon shifts forward on the sofa and towards you. If it weren't the present circumstances, you'd think he'd gotten a bit cold or sat closer.
However, you knew he shifted closer to kiss you, not that he would mind as he said. "try not to forget," you manage to utter as there's a slight gap connecting the two. "you too." he returns before going forward with the anticipated motion.
And so he placed his lips on yours softly. It was slightly awkward as the distance between your bodies was considerably larger than your faces. "come closer," he uttered hushedly against your lips. You did as told, his hand resting on your forearm.
He soon broke the kiss, hearing him laugh in a daze as you're lightheaded. You find yourself laying back on the couch's armrest, head spinning, shutting your eyes in accordance. Jungwon gripped your hand as he experienced the same.
i. April 25th, 7:30 pm
In a second, you sat in front of the tv, flicking through the channels as if nothing had happened, "so it worked," you marveled, astonished. But wait, "what worked?" you question yourself, not sure why you were astonished that the tv could change channels.
Did I forget something..?
Oh well, you think, continuing to switch through the channels.
ii. April 25th, 9:45 pm
You ate dinner, unable to consume everything you prepared, opting to store the remains in a box. You placed it in the fridge to reheat it and eat it later.
You latch the main door to your dorm, knocking on jungwon's to bother him and see what he's doing. He paned the door open, permitting you inside, "kart rider?" He suggested, already setting up the equipment, expecting your excited nod.
You had gotten busy with school, not being able to hang with your best friend as much. You wouldn't pass up the opportunity to play kart rider with him, let alone spend time with him.
Many losses and wins later, you yawn, extending your limbs accordingly. "don't you need to walk maeumi now?" you inquire, making jungwon fling his head up instantly, hard enough to get whiplash, "right," he says in remembrance.
"you should get some sleep. I'll walk maeumi in the nearby park and come back," he says, and you nod, stepping to the door and opening it.
Something felt off, but you couldn't place your finger on what.
Yet you stayed at the doorway grounded, unable to move. Your gut briefed you not to leave but to accompany jungwon, who walked out the door with maeumi.
He waited for you to move out the way of the door so he could secure it. You did once he gained your attention from your thoughts. "jungwon," you say, inching nearer to the boy, "i don't think you should go alone,"
"i'll be fine. I can take care of myself, y/n," the crimson-haired responded, stroking your shoulder. Jungwon retained the instinctual feeling that screamed at him to avoid going alone.
He shook his head side to side, ignoring those thoughts, striding to the park after waving and shouting a brief good night towards you.
iii. April 25th, 11:56 pm
The walk with maeumi had gone smoothly despite the churning gut feeling that hadn't left him since. He twisted the doorknob open after inserting his keys in the respective hole, sparing a glance to your door wondering why you looked so anxious earlier.
He dismissed those thoughts, allowing maeumi inside as it started to drizzle that progressed to rain. He patted his pocket in search of his phone but felt nothing. It then dawned on him that he'd left his phone at the park.
He groaned before tying his shoelaces again, closing the door with an umbrella in hand as it began raining mere seconds after he'd gotten back.
The tall boy advanced to the nearby park, tracing his way to the bench he'd sat on moments ago. He'd forgotten all about his phone on that bench.
He picked up the device and heard the shrubs rustle, gaining his attention. Thinking it was a lost pet, the boy looked over the bush, though his inner voice dared not to.
You jolt up in a panic, momentarily remembering why, where, and what you were here to do. You shuffled your slippers on your feet in record time and sprinted to the park. You were getting drenched in frigid raindrops, but that was your last concern.
You recognize your best friend, still alive and breathing with a beating heart and not unusually pale, looking over the bush. You sigh in relief and call out to him, "jungwon!" you exclaim, a distance away from the boy as the rain pattered on you.
"huh," he expresses, snapping his head to you as a creature launched at him, tackling your best friend to the ground with a thud. In a moment, it'd injected its fangs in jungwon's neck, draining the color out of his face.
You screeched, feet pacing to the vampire, striking it in the head with jungwon's now discarded umbrella. The vampire hissed at you, now advancing to you. You freeze as it approaches you, but jungwon clasps its feet while clutching his neck in pain, making it fall face-first to the ground.
An elderly lady gasps at the scene before uttering a mantra in an unknown language, making the vampire hiss, seemingly in great pain, and flee from sight. You run to jungwon, who lay on the frosty ground as the harsh rain splashed on the two, one no longer human.
"I'm sorry," you sob, though your tears blended in with the rain as jungwon falls unconscious from the bite, his heartbeat coming to a halt.
iv. April 26th, 8:03 pm
You gasp heavily, lifting yourself off the armrest, panicking as you regard your pale friend. Jungwon was nonetheless a vampire. You feel the water slip from the brink of your eyes. You weep uncontrollably, jungwon front sullen, unsure at the rundown of events.
"it's fine. We have another chance, remember"
"i just saw you die in front of me, won, and just stood there," you convey with a trembling voice, breath unsteady. "It's okay." jungwon mutters, hoping to persuade you that everything is alright.
He grasped the faded blue liquid that no longer shimmered like it formerly did. "jungwon," you utter silently, tapping on his arm to avert his attention to the red thread tied around your pinkies that slowly disappeared.
"don't we need the thread…"
Jungwon remains silent, refusing to accept reality. And so his tears rolled down his cheeks like gold, ever a rare sight to see him cry. You could count on one hand the times you'd see him cry.
"he lied. sunoo lied." he voiced, his words stabbing at your heart repeated as you shook your head, frantically reaching for your phone. You dialed jake, waiting for him to pick up solely for the line to beep and end.
"only if I knew— I would've tried harder," you croak, choking another sob. "won," you attempt to pull jungwon out of the palms of his hands as he gutted a heart-wrenching cry, no longer tucking his head in his palms but finding it on your shoulder while you embraced him.
"I'm sorry, i'm so sorry, i should've let the vampire bite me, then you wouldn't be alone—" you pause, reflecting on your words.
"jungwon," he lowly hums in response, head still against your shoulder, silence dragging. "could you do me a favor,"
"if it's for you, I'd give up everything, y/n."
"then bite me,"
Speechlessness drawled, lifting his tear-stained face to meet yours, "of course not." He was clear with his statement. "please, at least I can spend my entire immortality with you. Everything's okay if you're with me, jungwon."
"why give up beating heart for a still one like mine," he spoke, teardrops rolling down the length of his pale glistening skin. You sniffle sadly, cupping his cheek, clamping your lips to his cheek stained with tears.
The sentiment was tender, but everything had to end as all things do. You pull away, a soft smile grazing your lips, gazing into jungwon's eyes adoringly, hand resting on his cheek in a soothing action, calming the vampire.
"because I like you, won, I always have."
His eyes watered, this time from both happiness and sadness. "i like you too," he says softly. "but are you…sure?" he questions, breath hitting your neck, "yes," you reply, shutting your eyes and waiting for the impact.
He soughed shakily, complying to mark your neck with his fangs. He soughs shakily, pressing a small peck on the spot of your neck he'd pierce his fangs into seconds later.
His fangs tore through your delicate skin, carefully feasting on your ever-sweet blood. "jungwon, don't feel guilty, please," you voice quietly.
You knew he'd begun to lose control, but you didn't mind as crazy as it seems. You had no regard over your life at the moment and when it came to him.
And like you recognized, he'd lost control, intoxicated by your blood. All till he realized that you'd shut your eyes, breath getting shallow.
"no, y/n, I didn't mean to—" for the nth time in the night, he cried harder than previous as you fastened your eyes, smiling weakly.
"thank you, jungwon." remain your last words.
Jungwon shrieked atop his lungs, enraged. He'd failed to restrain his desire; he'd killed you, his best friend that he knew for ages, a best friend turned crush. Yet he'd drank out your blood, leading you to your death.
Though the smile never left your lips as you stared at him in your eternal slumber. The pleasant expression you adorned contrasted the horror in jungwon's, riddled with immense guilt he would carry for centuries to come.
jungwon thought he was a monster and a cold-blooded murderer ever since.
you smiled to yourself as you entered the bedroom you and jungwon shared, seeing him sprawled out on the bed.
“ come on wonnie, you need to get up my love” you said softly, walking up to his cam figure before placing a hand over his shoulder.
he whined, rolling onto his back before opening his eyes just enough to see you. “ see, we’re already halfway there” you said, jungwon instantly closing his eyes.
with one swift movement, jungwon entangled his arms around your waist and pulled you down next to him. “ don’t say anything. just lie down with me.” he said, closing his eyes once again and stuffing his face into the crook of your neck.
as much as you wanted to deny that you liked it, you eventually gave in to his small protests and ran one hand up and down his back while the other tangled itself in his soft hair.
SYNOPSIS › After a bland highschool experience, you immediately gravitate to your university’s most outrageous matchmaking club, “The Cupid Club.” Your job was simple: to collect information on your client’s love interest and then pair them together. After two years on your “job,” everything became less horrific and getting couples together almost seemed like a natural occurrence. That is until you’re tasked to collect information on Lee Heeseung, the infamous rugby captain who is coincidently known as the biggest player on campus.
GENRE› college au, angst (I said it was major angst in the preview, but after writing it, I realized that it’s not actually that sad), consultant! reader x rugby captain! Heeseung, heartbreak, crack, fluff
WARNING(S) › swearing, heavy drinking, mentions of sex
WORDCOUNT › 18.4k (I apologize beforehand)
NOTES › This is my entry for @jungwoniics ’ “just out of reach” collab
Love was an unexplained phenomenon that entwined souls together. It was an experience of rather difficult trifles which blossomed into ultimate bliss. To be with someone you found truly admirable and to lead a life with them for as many years as they lasted was society’s idea of a dream come true. Love seemed to be something like a goal to people, while to others, it was rather a burden. To you, it was a lackluster ordeal filled with complications and hurdles — an experience you didn’t want to indulge in.
You hated when September strolled along. Every autumn leaf gracefully leaving the comfort of the branches to experience the harsh winter chills yet again this cycle. It was similar to all the young adults who traveled distances away from the warmth of their homes to lead a rather dreadful college life.
The giddy freshmen were always entertaining to watch. The yearning they all had to start fresh, lead a new life, to grow, and become a part of society.
That is what college was
A greater look into society.
You had grown weary of the customs of welcoming newcomers to the school. Their excitement clearly not phasing you in the slightest. The way they would greet you and ask you for directions. You had found them cute before, but now, you couldn’t spare another waking moment guiding a freshman through the halls, introducing them to every passing professor you came across. You had grown tired. People made you tired.
In freshman year, you joined the school’s consulting club, “the Cupids Club.” You found the name rather stupid, but the more you grew to understand the club, the more fitting it seemed to be. It wasn’t any consulting club — it consisted of bringing two people together, two people who failed to communicate their feelings to one another. The heavy burden of match-making was one of the stress-inducing activities in addition to your own school work. Yet, you found it intriguing to bring people together and watch them form a special bond with each other.
Your job was simple, to analyze the receiver of love. To learn about their dislikes and likes, hobbies, and any other useless pieces of information. Your job was to convey these pieces of information to the person consulting you for assistance. It was a simple job.
So what made it so difficult?
You grew to realize that freshmen were the worst clients. All of them fresh into college and wanting to obtain and secure their significant other without their parent’s constant blabbing. Freshmen had the highest expectation. Once a first-year finds out about the school’s Cupid club, the rest of the freshmen automatically know too. And with so much attention and desire, they were never kind with their requests. Their demands strayed too high, and most of them went for unobtainable matches.
For example, Lee Heeseung.
The lad wasn’t exactly unobtainable. He was rather easy to woo, but he wasn’t easy to keep.
You had received a total of twenty requests, asking for you to set them up with Mr. Lee Heeseung before Valentine's day. Except there was an issue.
You knew nothing about the boy.
Sure, you had heard of him before. Most of the requests regarding him were given to students in his year to manage. You were a year below Heeseung, and the only thing you could conclude about the boy was that he was a gigantic player.
“Could you please set him up with me before Valentine's day, please?” The younger girl with strawberry blonde hair squirmed in her chair, looking up at you with her doll-like eyes. “I heard you’re one of the best consultants here and I really like him. So you’ll be able to do it right?”
How many times have you heard the same phrases of flattery that slipped out of their lying mouths? Praises, bribes, and baseless words — they used anything to earn a simple yes from you. You rejected everything of course, because all you cared for was someone genuine.
And that person came.
She was a year older than you, the same age as Heeseung. The girl had short beige hair and braids that pulled her hair into a half ponytail. She wasn’t very tall, but the girl was gorgeous. The way her eyes curved into crescent moons when she smiled made you almost envious. She spoke in a soft whispering tone and requested politely, unlike the previous girls who demanded your service.
“Um, hi,” the girl nervously tucked her side bangs behind her ear, looking at the floor. Her entire face was tomato red. “Could I request a favour?”
She was cute. The way she looked away, avoiding eye contact. She was the type of girl every boy wanted as a significant other. The girl didn’t even explain her whole situation, and you already felt the need to help her — to pair her up with whoever she had been yearning for.
“Yeah, of course!” You rested your chin on your palm, waiting for her to muster up the courage to tell you about her crush. “Just tell me your situation and who this person is.”
“Oh right! Well, I’ve liked him ever since freshman year. I met him in one of my classes and he, uh… he lent me a pencil. I mean, I don’t like him because of that! He’s really charming and good-looking. But the issue is, he’s popular and I doubt he even knows who I am. I heard… I heard he’s a player too.” She mumbled, fidgeting with the latch of her tote bag.
Okay, what was with these absolute catches liking the worst kinds of people? After a few years of this whole cupid consultant shit, you’ve come to notice how unfair it was — The way the best people were always attracted to the shittiest men.
“Oh no, not a player,” you sighed, scribbling the info down on your notepad. “Oh, I forgot to ask, your name is?”
“Yeeun. Jung Yeeun.”
Did she just say Jung Yeeun? Your eyebrows furrowed in absolute shock. “Jung Yeeun? As in the literature gold Medalist Jung Yeeun?” Your jaw was probably on the floor right now, but that didn’t matter when someone with such achievements stood in front of you.
“Oh… yeah.” The girl blushed, looking down at her fingers.
Gosh, she was cute. You found it odd how her mysterious crush hadn’t noticed her throughout these years. After all, she was the Jung Yeeun, and she was absolutely stunning.
“Oh my god. Um, this is so off-topic, but I really admire your work! The way your words flow and the way you intertwine emotions into your writing. Honestly, you’re amazing.” You were truly giddy to finally meet the faceless writer you had been admiring ever since freshman year.
“Oh what? You admire my work?” The girl gasped, looking up at you with her round doe eyes once again. “I don’t know what to say. It means so much to me!”
This time, you gave her a genuine smile. She was the first person this semester to come to you with such courtesy, plus she was talented and so warmhearted? You had struck gold with her and you couldn’t wait to provide any necessary help. “Of course! I’ll also do my best to help you with your crush!”
“Really? I don’t have to appeal or tell you more about my situation?”
“Nope, I just need his name and we’ll be set!” Out of all the clients you “interviewed,” she was the only one who appealed to you, and genuinely, even though it had only been a few minutes, you wanted the best for her. “Also, we can set up a date for weekly meetings so I can forward to you any information I’ve learned about them. Of course, I’ll give you advice too, since that’s my job.”
“What? You’re so kind! I don’t know how to thank you enough.”
“No need,” you grinned, writing her name in your notebook. “I’ll make sure to take the most detailed notes on them to help you the best way I can.”
“Well…” Yeeun trailed off.
“His name is Heeseung. Lee Heeseung.”
Out of everyone it could’ve been, it was him? The infamous senior, Lee Heeseung?
“Is there something wrong?” Yeeun panicked, moving her hand up and down in front of your face to bring you back to your senses. You could tell she was worried for you as your expression suddenly dropped upon hearing his name. “You look a bit pale, Yn.”
“Oh haha,” you chuckled nervously, clearing your throat in the process. “I was just shocked to hear his name. In all honesty, I think you can do better. I heard he’s a trashy person.”
“No, that’s what I heard too. But from the small conversations we had back in class, I think otherwise. He seems misunderstood.” Yeeun forced a smile, attempting to reassure you as you shook your head in disappointment.
One of those “I can change him” situations again. You sighed, writing the boy’s name in your notes along with Yeeun’s information. “Well, you’re right. I don’t know him so I can’t form an opinion on him from what I heard. But anyway, I will try my best to make things work.”
“Thank you, Yn. You’re so kind.”
You were tasked with gathering information about this popular senior boy, and it wasn’t hard. The first person you consulted was Ryujin, your best friend, who was a year older than you, a senior.
“Oh gosh, your client wants Heeseung?” She inched backward in disgust. “He’s literally the worst person to have a crush on. He can’t commit for shit, plus he’s a whole-ass player who has no sense of pity for his former flings. But I mean, it really isn’t hard to earn his favour.”
Your interest perked up after hearing Ryujin’s last sentence. She had rambled for an entire hour about the boy already and said nothing particularly intriguing until now. “And how would someone quote — unquote earn his favour?”
“Frankly, it’s quite simple,” Ryujin smirked, holding up two fingers. “One, show up to one of his or his drunkard friend’s frat party. Two, wear some skimpy dress and seduce the man. He’s quite simple. It makes me gag.”
Shaking off the utter disgust on your face, you rolled your eyes at your friend’s words. What had you expected? Some player with a heart of gold who just hadn’t found their soulmate? You probably spent too much time burying your nose in romance novels to see what reality was like. Even with a position as a love consultant, most of your pairings had worked out and your efforts had never gone to waste. But this time, Yeeun’s request seemed almost fruitless. “Gosh, why did I just know?”
“I mean, he is a player, after all. He’s easy to woo but hard to keep. Your poor client is definitely in a rough spot. But I don’t really know too much about him, so I can’t really speak on his actions.”
“You literally spent the whole past hour roasting the dude.” You scoffed at your friend in amusement.
“Well, I mean, after everything I’ve heard about him, I can’t help it.” The older girl smirked, pushing through the doors of the library. “I mean, I heard there’s a game after school. Maybe we can go together and you can analyze him then.”
“A game? He’s an athlete?”
“Yn, you really are clueless about this man, huh?”
Tying your hair in a simple ponytail, you grabbed the pale white tote bag that consisted of your notebook, where you kept all your client notes. You leaned against the doorframe of the washroom, tapping your fingers on the marble sink as you waited for Ryujin to finish straightening her hair. “Girl, are you trying to impress someone today? Like you look too good for a simple game.”
Ryujin shot you a sly smirk before returning to straighten the locks that fell to the left side of her face. “Your flattery is giving me too much confidence sis, but maybe.”
You sighed at the girl’s words. “So the truth is, you dragged me to this game just to accompany you, so you could flirt with some jock? I mean, I’m willing to be your emotional support, but girl, I’d rather off myself instead of watching you attempt to flirt.”
“Hey! I'm good at flirting! Plus, you needed to come anyway, right? You need to analyze Mr. Lee Heeseung.” The girl sang, unplugging the straightener. You had to remind yourself that Ryujin was rather popular and had a consistent social life, unlike you, who spent hours crying into your textbooks and a hundred pages of notes.
“Whatever. Shouldn’t we get going?” You cocked your head to the side as you watched your friend put on her dangly silver earrings. “I mean, it starts in twenty minutes, doesn’t it?”
“It’s literally around the corner. It takes five minutes to walk there. No need to rush.” The girl winked at you. “But you’re right, we should head there a few minutes early.” She quickly snatched the beige purse that hung on walls near the entrance, dragging you with her at the same time.
You slipped on your shoes as fast as you could to match Ryujin’s pace. She was definitely excited about seeing this game, and you just couldn’t feel the same way. Something about Yeeun’s request rubbed you the wrong way. Of course, it wasn’t the girl, but it was Heeseung himself. The thought of you getting them together only to have him cheat his way out of the relationship digested you to the max. The last thing you wanted was for Yeeun to get hurt. She was a sweet girl who deserved more than a half-hearted man who had a new fling every day of the week.
“You must be in deep concentration right now.” Ryujin smacked you on the back, bringing you back to reality. “Like hello? Girl, did you even notice that we’re almost there already?” Your eyes scanned your surroundings. The green grass below your feet and the bleachers that stood a few meters away from you definitely signified that you both were close to the playing field.
You hadn’t even noticed riding the elevator down, or heck, even locking the door because of your wandering thoughts. “Oh shit Ryu, did you lock the door?”
The girl scoffed and gave you a lazy grin. “Who do you think I am? Obviously, I had to take it upon myself since you were so wound up in your dreamland.”
“Dreamland my ass,” You rolled your eyes before clutching your friend’s arm, proceeding up the steps of the bleachers. “Where shall we sit?”
Ryujin dragged you back down and slowly approached the very front row, close to where the rugby team was getting ready. “Here obviously! You’re kinda blind, plus I have my reasons.”
“Girl, what the fuck?” You mumbled as you sat down next to Ryujin on the mini tarp she had put on the metal bleachers before sitting down. Right in front of you was the rugby team, some doing push-ups to warm up and some leaning against the bleachers talking to the cheerleaders.
“Shitt you actually came? Honestly, I didn't expect to see you here.” A boy with silver hair approached you and Ryujin while leaning against the tiny fence that separated the bleachers from the playing field. “And you brought a friend with you too? How interesting.”
“Cut the bullshit, Park,” Ryujin snapped. “I didn’t come here to listen to your nasally ass remarks. Kindly turn the fuck around and focus on your game.” She fakely smiled, gesturing for the boy to face around.
“Aw, you know you don’t have to act so hard to get.” The boy called “Park” chuckled. “But you, what’s your name?” He turned his attention to you, eyebrows raised in anticipation.
“It’s Yn, and I think my friend wants you to leave.”
The boy smirked in amusement, twirling his helmet with both his hands. “Oh, she’s feisty. You two make quite the combination.” This “Park” boy had only been standing in front of the two of you for a few seconds and you already wanted to slap the playful grin off his face. From the way he carried himself, you knew he was one of those boys too.
“Yeah, did you not hear her? Piss off, Park.” Ryujin shooed the boy, who only winked at her before making his way toward his teammates.
“Who the fuck-“
“Yes, I know you’re gonna ask questions Yn, I’ll explain.” Ryujin placed her hand on your shoulder, giving you a reassuring smile. The girl had told you everything about her life, but somehow this menace named “Park” was never mentioned in any of her stories. “That was Park Sunghoon, one of Heeseung's best buddies. He’s been trying to, I guess, ‘pursue me’ ever since freshman year? But of course, I rejected him every time. Yes, as you know, I have dated many people, but you will never catch me dead with one of those jocks, especially not Park Sunghoon.”
Park Sunghoon? Now his name sounded familiar.
You had heard his name slip through the mouths of many students roaming the hallways, but never matched his face to his name. He was well known throughout campus and was labeled the “deathly heartthrob.” Mainly because he never actually got into relationships. He was only an advocate for one-night stands, and friends with benefits, nothing else. The boy drew the line and only ever had physical interactions, never emotional.
“Oh, he’s Park Sunghoon,” you nodded your head, mentally connecting all the dots in your head. “Wait, but aren’t you trying to pursue some jock?”
“That’s a different story.” Ryujin inched closer to you, placing her hand over your ear before whispering. “You see, the boy over there?” She pointed ever so slightly at a boy in an oversized leather jacket who was holding a yellow water bottle.
“The yellow water bottle boy?” You questioned, squinting your eyes for a better view.
“Yeah, he’s the new manager on the team and he’s hella fine. Don’t you think so?”
You turned around to face Ryujin before throwing her a sarcastic grin. “Well, as you said, I'm blind, so I can’t see shit.”
The girl hit you gently, cackling at your response.
Before you could revert your focus to whatever was going on on the field, your eyes landed on a particular boy with raven black hair who was staring right back at you. His eyes seemed to pierce through your gaze, freezing you on the spot. You couldn’t move. You couldn’t even breathe in the presence of his stare. He was just a simple rugby jock who had both hands lazily tucked into his side pockets. So what made his gaze so enticing? Was it the way he looked at you? Or was it the way he licked his lips while shooting you a sly smirk?
“Who the fuck is that?” You shook Ryujin right after the boy shifted his vision elsewhere.
“Which one? You’re literally staring into a crowd of men.” She remarked, waiting for you to point to whoever this dude was.
“The one over there. The tall one with the parted black hair.” You motioned your head towards the boy’s direction, afraid to point or make any more unnecessary eye contact.
“Oh, that one?” Ryujin grinned. “That’s Mr. Play boy. Your target of today.”
That was Lee Heeseung?
The boy with the almost dangerous stare? Your heart fell into your stomach. You could already tell by the way his lips curved up into a sly smirk that Lee Heeseung was trouble.
Quickly pulling out your notebook, you began to scribble down your observations of the boy, who stood amused at your actions. He had diverted his gaze back to you a minute ago, only to see you frantically ask your friend a question and then proceed to pull out a notepad.
The buzzer blared throughout the court, signaling the beginning of the game, and the boys rushed to their positions, waiting for the game to commence. You always thought rugby was an odd sport — the aggressive shoving, and the constant growling. You a hundred percent preferred football. A few minutes of passing the ball had gone by before you grew bored, aggravated by the icy wind that kept blowing your hair in your face, blocking your view. You had to focus on Heeseung, but all you could get out of this game was that he was stubborn. The way he played, constantly trying to score points for his team, and the way he shoved members of the opposing team with his brute force without looking back — Heeseung always got what he wanted. You could tell from the simple expression he had on his face, eyes hungry and full of desire.
A stubborn man who always got his way. The worst kind to deal with.
The final buzzer went off, signaling the conclusion of the game. Your school won and you were anything but surprised. The only extra information you got out of coming to tonight’s game was that Heeseung seemed to be the captain of the team, and Ryujin sucked ass at flirting. Before you could jot your concluding thoughts down, you heard your friend clearing her throat as she slightly nudged you. She was standing up, arms entwined with the yellow water bottle boy, and she looked down at you, eyes practically begging. “Yn, is it okay if you head back to the dorms yourself? Here, I can give you the keys.” She rummaged through her purse, pulling out her metal keys with the bear keychain you had gifted her for her birthday. “I’m just gonna be out for a little longer. Is that okay?” She was giving you puppy eyes now.
You sighed, chuckling at your friend’s words. You weren’t going to stop her from getting with someone she fancied just because you were scared to walk back yourself. What kind of friend would you even call yourself if you ruined her chances just because the dark gave you chills? “No problem, give me a call if you need anything!” You smiled, gesturing for her to go ahead before shifting your attention back to your notes.
“Captain of the team, strong-willed I guess, stubborn.” You mumbled to yourself, listing down every piece of information you detected through tonight’s game.
“Having fun writing my name into your death note?” A low voice spoke, startling you. Instinctively, you brought your notebook to your chest, guarding the information you had gathered. You were never to share your notes with anyone but your clients. Even Ryujin hadn’t had the chance to skim through your notebook.
Your eyes landed on a particular raven-haired boy, who leaned teasingly against the fence. His hair wasn’t perfectly parted anymore, it was rather messy and dripping with sweat. Good thing the boy had a towel around his neck. Or else you’d probably scoot away from him.
Or would you?
He was a good meter away from you, and your eyes instinctively fell to his facial features, his tall nose bridge, his tanned complexion which seemed to glisten under the stadium light, and his lips.
His lips? What the fuck were you thinking?
You slightly gasped, realizing the situation you were in. Heeseung stood in front of you, staring at your every flicker of emotion and movement. Once again, your mind ran blank, unable to move or think.
“I’m joking,” the boy chuckled. “What are you writing so attentively that you only looked up at the game a few times?”
He had noticed every time that you spent jotting down notes instead of watching the game? What the hell? Did this man have eyes on the back of his head?
“It’s none of your concern.” You spoke forcefully, shoving your notebook into your bag.
“Did you find the game boring?” The boy snickered, his intense gaze not leaving yours.
“Maybe I did.” You got up, getting ready to leave.
Heeseung wasn’t going to let you leave at that moment. “Then what interests you?” The boy asked, looking up at you while leaning closer. Did this boy not understand the concept of personal space, or did he just lack awareness? Though you were standing up, you still felt the way his cocky grin held you down, forcing you to stay.
“Probably not you.” You snapped back at the boy. He emanated so much confidence and somehow, he had a hold on you, and you wanted nothing more than to run away.
“But didn’t you just get ditched by your friend?” He raised his eyebrows, unknowingly provoking you even more. “I mean, I must be quite interesting since you’re still here answering my questions.”
Number one of why you hated men of his kind. In their minds, the world revolves around them and every little thing that is of convenience to them; they use to further latch onto in order to get whatever they want. Heeseung knew how to talk, and you already knew you hated his guts.
“Right.” You gave him a fake smile before turning your back on the boy. “Well, maybe you were interesting, but your words are boring me, so do me a favour and shut your mouth.” You remarked, giving him one last wave before leaving the premise of his lurking gaze. It took you lots of confidence to tell people to shut up, but with him, it came naturally.
ENTRY LOG #1
First day of analyzing Lee Heeseung and he’s an absolute menace. He’s the stereotypical frat boy who has way too much time on his hands. An absolute rake. Though besides that, he is the captain of the school’s rugby team and is very dedicated to winning. From the way he carries himself, he seems to be very confident, but he’s also very skilled with his words. He knows how to charm people, and that may be a dangerous sign. However, this is just an outlook on the boy as he did not show any of his true personality — unless this is what his true personality is, a shitty playboy jock.
The next time you saw Heeseung was on campus near the library. He was walking through the greenery area with his arms latched around two girls who wore short pleated skirts and heels too high for a simple lecture day. You totally understood dressing up, as you tried to dress your best during your first year of university. But ten-inch heels were a different story. They had their arms around him, either coddling his waist or his chest. You tried your best not to barf up this morning's breakfast, as the sight was triggering an awful churning in your stomach. Before you could turn your attention elsewhere, his eyes met yours and the same smirk found its way to his lips. You rolled your eyes at him before going off on your way. That was until the menace strolled up in front of you with his hands in his pocket.
“Enjoying the view so much, you had to stop and stare at me for a full minute?” He chuckled, walking backward since you hadn’t stopped walking forward. The cocky grin never left his face and your urge to push him off a cliff didn’t either.
“I thought I recognized one of the girls that you were with.” You blatantly lied, thinking of the first excuse that came to mind. “Speaking of the girls, where did they go?”
Heeseung’s grin only grew bigger at your lame excuse. His arms came to stop you from proceeding forward. “Don’t you know it’s rude to walk away from someone when they’re trying to strike up an ethical conversation? They left after I told them I had something more interesting to do.” He smirked. “Plus, you suck at lying, don’t you? Your eyes dart whenever you lie. Did you know?”
He was damn good at analyzing people, and you knew he’d probably use that to impress the girls on campus who seemed to faint from his presence. “Morally ethical, huh? Sorry to burst your bubble, but nothing about you is morally ethical.”
“Oh, is that so?” Heeseung inched closer to you, and after quite a few steps back, you found your heels hitting the walls. There was no more space for you to back up against, and the sly smirk never left his face as he proceeded to step forward. He now only stood a few inches away from you — way too close for a mere stranger. “And how would you know?”
“I don’t,” you spat before harshly nudging the boy backward. “Just leave me alone, will you?” You mumbled, watching the boy stumble backward, amused by your actions.
“And would you like to?” Heeseung still managed to speak after you clearly rejected his advances. “You know I’m really good with my-“
“Shut your trap Heeseung.” You hissed, once again attempting to escape the awkward situation.
“You said my name for the first time!” He spoke enthusiastically. “The way it rolls off your tongue sounds really nice. You should say it more often!” He smirked, leaning back against the wall, not attempting to chase you.
You didn’t even bother glancing back at the boy, knowing if you did, you would be met with his painfully attractive smirk. Instead, you flipped the boy your middle finger.
Your seat in the consulting office behind the desk felt rather odd. You hadn’t found out anything revolutionizing or world-changing about the boy, but you still sat in your seat — waiting for Yeeun to prance in and listen to all the information you collected. You honestly had nothing to say that was worthy of her time, and you even thought about canceling your appointment. That was only until you saw the girl push her way through the library doors, on her way to visit you in the small room you had in the quiet space.
“Yn!” she exclaimed as soon as she set foot in the room. “I was so excited for today I barely could eat! My stomach is churning! It’s so thrilling!”
You offered the girl a forced chuckle before flipping open your notebook. “Well, you see…” You trailed off, not knowing where to start. “To be honest, since it’s only been a few days and I haven’t really gotten the chance to see him much? But from the information I gathered, he seems to be a very head-strong person who’s very dedicated to his own craft.”
“Oh, no worries!” The smaller girl giggled. “Even hearing about his achievements makes me happy. You know he’s the captain of the rugby team, right? Isn’t that so cool? I wish I could’ve attended his game a few days back, but I had prior arrangements.”
You were almost glad she hadn’t come. What would be the outcome of her seeing Heeseung’s eyes glued onto you throughout the entire game like you had a target on your back? Or maybe, if she did come, his eyes would be on her instead.
“Yes, he’s a very high achieving person. But besides that, he seems like he’s an easy person to strike up a conversation with. So that’s a win for you, right?” You smiled at her enthusiasm. She really liked him, didn’t she? Even talking about him made the corner of her lips perk up into a shy smile.
“Yes, yes, it is. He won’t get bored with me if I can’t think of anything to say, right?”
You rolled your eyes before chuckling at your innocent upperclassman. “Of course Yeeun! He’ll be the one that won’t be able to shut up.”
Yeeun giggled at your comment and checked her phone quickly. “I actually have a short meeting today, so I may have to cut our appointment a little short. Is that okay?”
You gave the girl an affirming smile. “Of course, I didn’t really have too much information today anyway. But next week at the same time?”
She nodded, pushing her chair in before waving at you and exiting the room.
You let out a sigh of relief, organizing your notes before you, too, decided to exit this stuffy room. The library was a big, bright place full of windows and you didn’t want to be cooped up in a room with no natural light whatsoever.
As soon as you locked the door of the consulting office, you felt a strong gaze on the back of your head.
Maybe you should’ve stayed in the room.
“I should consider myself lucky, right? I was dreading coming here, but it seems like it’ll be quite entertaining instead.” His voice was loud enough for the reception desk to send the two of you glares.
“Why the hell do I always bump into you? Are you sure you’re not following me or something?” You wanted to curse him out for his timing. If he had come just a few minutes earlier, you could’ve perfectly set him up with Yeeun.
Heeseung scoffed at your assumption. Him following you? Why would he ever do that? “You can daydream all you want, sweetheart, but sorry to break it to you. I wasn’t.”
You, happy with his answer, gave the boy a sarcastic smile. “Oh, is that so? Well then, if you don’t mind, I’ll take my leave now.”
Maybe Heeseung did want to follow you right now as his hand quickly grabbed your wrist, turning you back around. “Where are you going?”
“I don’t think I’ve made it clear enough. I’m going A W A Y. F R O M. Y O U.” You annotated every word with a certain passive-aggressiveness.
“I’ll tag along then.” He grinned. “You’re walking towards the back tables of the library. Near the windows, am I right?”
Shaking your wrist out of his grip, you turned around once again. “I don’t think I ever invited you.”
The boy stood staring at you as you made your way to the far back corner of the library, settling your books on the desk. You were decently surprised when he didn’t follow you.
Or so you thought.
“Who needs an invitation?” Heeseung dragged the chair across from you over to your side as he plopped down and leaned on the tabletop, way too close to your face. “It’s a public space, am I right?”
How many times had he done this already? Invading your personal space without giving a single fuck about how you felt.
But how did you feel?
You felt his hot breath hitting the nape of your neck, and you watched how his long eyelashes fluttered as he opened and closed his eyes. He was good-looking; you had to admit that. But you had no interest whatsoever.
“Move, you literally could sit anywhere else.” You shoved the boy slightly.
Unfazed by your attitude, he only chuckled, making your rage grow. “You know, if it were any other girl, they’d be begging for me to stay, right?”
“Oh, is that so? Well, then what should I do, huh? Apologize?” You spat, annoyed with his entitled attitude.
“Nah, you should do something else.” He leaned back in his chair while crossing his arms.
“And what is that?”
“Let me see what you were writing in your diary the other day.” He smirked, raising his eyebrow in amusement as he awaited your answer.
“First of all, it’s not a diary. Second, I wasn’t writing about you, and third, I have a right to privacy for my belongings.”
“Then if you’re not gonna show me your notebook or whatever, let me stay here.” He shot you a winning grin, placing his phone on the table to secure his spot.
“You did that just so you could stay, huh?” He always had a way with his words and your desire to punch him only grew.
“Oh, looks like I’ve been caught red-handed, huh?” He chuckled, leaning back on the table and staring at your constantly changing expressions. It would be an understatement to say that Heeseung enjoyed the way you talked to him. He had never felt such a thrill in his life other than the first time he rebelled against his parents in high school. You were bringing that spark back into his life and he didn’t want it to extinguish.
You shifted uncomfortably, directing your gaze back to the stack of textbooks you had brought with you for studying purposes. “What are you gonna get out of staying here and wasting your life away?” You mumbled, quite bothered by his presence.
He smiled, placing his finger on his chin whilst pretending to ponder. Maybe it was the sunlight hitting his face, but your gaze only remained on his eyes that shone a golden brown in the light. They glittered when he blinked, and somehow you felt time freeze once more. How many times had this boy made you feel like the revolving word had stopped? You were in a stupid library, contemplating if you should study, yet here you are, staring into some boy’s eyes while he pretended to think of some excuse.
Thank god he was looking away, or else you’d definitely be receiving a mouthful from him.
“I’m gonna watch you study. Maybe I’ll pick up some studying habits?” He blurted out after a good three minutes.
You scoffed, looking away after he had met your gaze again. “That doesn’t sound too fitting to your character.”
“I’m pretty sure you have to get to know someone before you fully judge their character. Am I right, miss cupid?”
Had he known you were part of the cupids club, spending your spare time matchmaking?
Or worse. Did he know your client was gunning for him?
“I heard you were in some matchmaking club. But I highly doubt that seeing the way you interact.” Heeseung remarked, playing with your pad of colourful sticky notes.
“So you’re a stalker?!” you gasped.
“No, I-I’m not!”
Maybe it wasn’t that bad — having Heeseung accompany you. He spent hours taking turns from staring at you, then to your textbook. Sometimes the boy would lean in to stare at your notes and you could feel your cheeks heating up at the proximity. You had slapped yourself a couple of times, snapping yourself out of this unfamiliar daze. It felt almost improper to spend time with your client’s love interest. But you were glad now. The sun had set and Heeseung was slumped over the table, sleeping comfortably on the stack of your textbooks. You giggled at the sight. Somehow, he looked almost innocent and unlike his regular smug self. His body moved up and down slightly. You didn’t want to bother the boy who was sleeping so soundly — but he was lying on top of your textbooks. It wouldn’t hurt if you just tapped him awake, right? Just as your hand approached to grab your books, the boy groaned slightly, wrapping his arms tightly around the stack of your textbooks. You almost let out a loud laugh as you saw the boy bringing the textbooks closer to him to get more comfortable. Who knew the infamous rugby captain needed to cuddle something to fall asleep?
You decided not to wake the boy as he would probably get cranky or start throwing a fit. You had enough of the boy’s attitude for a day — frankly for the rest of your life. Taking off the jacket you had, you placed it gently on his broad shoulders before you stuck the small post-it-note you had written a few minutes ago in front of him, on the table.
You fell asleep :/// See; I told you that you should’ve done something better with your time! You could’ve gone to a party or even practiced your sport, but instead, you spent your time here! Also, I hope you don’t drool on my textbooks; they were hella expensive. I didn’t take them because I didn’t wanna wake you up. Return those to me tomorrow and bring my jacket too! (Yes, I left my jacket for you. Not because I care for you, but because it actually gets really chilly since they turn on the AC :( whatever, just make sure you return everything.)
And what you didn’t know was that Heeseung didn’t care about “wasting time,” because all he really desired was to rest — escape from all the burdens and titles he carried.
ENTRY LOG #2
Heeseung seems to be bearable when he’s not trying to sweet talk. His conversations, besides that, are actually genuine. He also seems to have ears everywhere. Whenever he wants to know something, he’ll be able to get stacks of information on that person. Besides that, he’s pretty entertaining? I think he just needs someone that genuinely likes him for him, instead of for his outlook. He may seem all “I’m the best” and flirty, but something tells me his smiles aren’t genuine. He needs someone to appreciate him for who he is… and Yeeun is perfect.
You had spent hours the next few days working on your midterm seminar with your group mates, who didn’t seem to comprehend the importance of this group assignment. Meets ups happened frequently and your group mates listened well to your instructions. However, when they were off on their own to complete their personal assigned sections, most of them would slack off until the last minute. As the final slide organizer, you spent most of your time waiting for your group mates to hand in their completed parts to insert into the slides.
But it was already 11:30pm, and you were so close to crashing on the library desk you had been sitting at for the past four hours. Tapping your fingers impatiently, you opened and closed your text messages with your group members, hoping someone would send something in. You all had agreed on sending in your parts before 10pm, ensuring you had enough time to organize everything and get a good night of sleep before the seminar tomorrow morning. However, there wasn’t a single peep from your group mates and it was already halfway to twelve. Feeling the weight of all the stress, your eyelids began to grow heavy. A short nap wouldn’t harm you, and there was nothing better to do anyway. Setting your alarm for 12:30 am, you rested your head onto your forearm as you dozed off into dreamland.
Heeseung found it hard to stay at home. The boy was bombarded with nonstop noise coming from every corner of the house. On a normal day, he wouldn’t be bothered by the constant arguing between Jake and his girlfriend or the loud ass giggles coming from Sunghoon’s room. But today, all he felt was his shooting headache, and the noise surrounding him only added to his agony. He needed to get out.
The first thing that came to mind was the therapeutic library environment he had experienced while watching you cram for your seminar. Yearning for the same feeling, he found himself stuffing his keys in his jacket pocket as he decided to take a little night walk to the University’s library. The walls of windows would probably look even more stunning with the moonlight shining through.
Yes, he wanted to experience the same feeling he had the last time, but he didn’t expect to see you slumped over on the same table, sleeping soundly. Smiling to himself, the boy sat down in the seat across from you, watching as your body rose up and down slightly. In his eyes, you were constantly busy with no down time whatsoever. He had always wondered if you could get sufficient sleep every day. You rarely had nights where you would get enough rest, and Heeseung could tell. You wouldn’t be dozing off in the school’s library if you weren’t swamped with loads of work.
Maybe it was the way you gripped onto the edge of your laptop, hugging it like a pillow, but Heeseung couldn’t help but feel a need to protect you, to shield you away from all the bad in the world. The boy spent the next ten minutes staring out the window, accompanying you as you slept. Just from sitting in silence, he could feel his headache slowly creeping away.
The slight buzz of his phone startled him, shaking him from his short-lived relaxation. It was a text from Jake.
Jake: Hey sorry bro. I heard you leaving, and I figured it was because of the noise. She’s gone now, so you’re free to come back.
Just as he was about to ignore the text and return to his little moment of bliss, his phone buzzed once more.
Jake: Actually, you should come back now. There’s a fucking cockroach in the washroom and Sunghoon is busy having fun in his room. I ain’t tryna see him naked, so comeback and kill this roach.
Heeseung figured Jay had already gone to sleep and Jake was probably crouching in the bathroom, staring the roach down, watching its every move. Sunghoon was practically useless when it came to bugs. Even if he wasn’t preoccupied, he wouldn’t lift a finger to kill the bug. Sighing, Heeseung quietly stood up from his chair, trying his best not to wake you. This time he’d return the favour. Taking off his jacket, he carefully placed it over your shoulders.
As he was about to leave, his eyes landed on the same pad of sticky notes he had fidgeted with the last time he watched you study. Grabbing the pen from your unzipped pencil case, he scribbled a quick note before placing it on the top of your laptop. Heeseung wished he could stay for longer, but he knew Jake would grill him nonstop if he didn’t return to kill a small fucking bug.
Your alarm rang, the buzzing shaking you awake. Maybe taking a brief nap was a good idea because you woke up to blaring notifications from your group chat, sending you the completed work, and a small pink sticky note.
A small pink sticky note?
This wasn’t here when you fell asleep.
And neither was the black jean jacket that was carefully wrapped around your shoulders.
You're practically drooling on your laptop. What if it burns? Aren’t you proud that I didn’t wake you up? I know you would probably start scolding me for being out here at such ungodly hours, but you too??? What are you doing, sleeping in such an unsafe spot? Sorry I couldn’t stay, but I left my jacket with you since you said it gets chilly. Hopefully, this makes up for the last time. I returned the favour, but you don’t have to return the jacket. Keep it. Anyway, go to the lounge on the second floor when you wake up. There are pillows there and it’ll be much more comfortable to sleep there. Don’t go home. It’s late, and it’s unsafe to travel alone. You can head back when the sun rises, but not when it's pitch black outside, okay?
Oh also, I usually carry chocolate in my pocket (don’t ask why). There should be a Hersey’s bar in the pocket of my Jean jacket. Eat it, okay?
Heeseung had been here? Why was he out so late? Why did he come to the library?
You had many questions, but the main issue you had to deal with wasn’t the lack of answers, but the smile forming on your face as you read his note. Your heart was beating a little faster than usual, but you still sat there, oblivious to your own feelings.
After the library incident, you bumped into Heeseung quite frequently. Every day, he’d find a way to make an appearance in your life, even if it was just sending you a playful wink as you passed each other on campus. When not surrounded by girls or his weird druggy friends, he would often strike up a conversation with you, even if you tried to push him away. He enjoyed teasing you, and somehow, it didn’t feel quite as odd as it did before.
“Your outfit is quite nice.” He commented, leaning against the column. He scanned you up and down before shooting you one of his signature smirks.
“Don’t look at me like that. I internally puke every time.” You faked a gag, waving the boy off.
“Did you think I was checking you out? Because you don’t have to worry, there’s nothing to check out.” He cackled, pushing himself off the column and towards you. “Where are you headed today? The library again?”
You hummed in response. “I have an appointment.”
Heeseung’s interest immediately piqued. “Oh right! I forgot I was talking to Miss Cupid here. Who’s your client? I’m curious.”
It was against the rules to tell him about your client, especially when he was the target. “I’m not gonna tell you. It’s confidential information.”
Usually, Heeseung would just laugh it off and leave you off to your own business, but today, he found it extremely hard not to meddle. The boy pushed you against the lockers, staring at you with his eyebrows furrowed. He somehow felt annoyed by the fact that you were going to ditch him for your client right after he got the chance to talk to you.
“H-Heeseung? What are you doing?” You gasped at the sudden impact of your back hitting the lockers. His expression had suddenly dropped, and you were left confused as to why he was so angry and why he had shoved you against some locker.
The boy only moved closer, placing his hand on the wall of lockers beside you. His breath was practically fanning your lips at this point. You squeezed your eyes shut. It was an instinct. There was something about the way he was staring at you that made you feel almost small and weak.
Heeseung was confused. Was it jealousy? Was he jealous of your stupid client that got to spend time with you? It seemed like every time he had a chance to speak to you, you would attempt to blow him off as soon as possible. Mostly, when he wanted to see you, his friends would drag him away to some party, and he’d end up getting drunk, forgetting his desire to see you as he fell deeper into intoxication. But finally he had some time to spare, without his friends up his ass and here you were, waving him off for some stupid client.
He wasn’t jealous; he was just angry that you completely disregarded his feelings — at least that’s what he told himself.
Seeing you squeeze your eyes tightly shut, he finally came to his senses, backing away before sighing. “My bad. Um, yeah, as I was saying, your outfit looks nice today. I like your barret.” He remarked dryly as he watched your eyes slowly flicker open. “I’ll get going now. Sorry about that.”
With that, heeseung left you alone, leaning against the lockers. Your heart felt as if it were a contestant for some Olympic race. Why did something so simple have your cheeks flaming? What was this feeling that caused your breath to waver and become unsteady?
Heeseung was your client’s target. You had to get that into your head. You had no right feeling this way.
Scurrying to the consulting office, you saw Yeeun fiddling with her fingers while sitting in the seat across from your designated one. She had arrived early — or instead, your little encounter had you running late. “Sorry about the wait, Yeeun!” You apologized profusely while entering the room.
“No worries, Yn!” I was really excited to see you again. “I actually wanted to ask you for a favour today.”
Placing your bag onto the wooden desk, you pulled out your chair, settling in. “A favour? Yeah, of course, what’s up?”
“Well,” Yeeun nervously grinned. “I’m attending a guest lecture today and I heard from a friend that Heeseung is coming! I just wanted to make a good impression. Do you know what I should wear?”
Your mind immediately flashed to Heeseung’s words a few minutes ago. “I like your barret.”
“Oh actually um,” you gave the girl a small reassuring smile. “I saw him in the halls today and I heard him saying he liked barrets. Maybe you could wear one?”
“I actually don’t have one. I can’t buy one either, since the lecture is in about an hour.” Yeeun sighed, wishing she owned more hats.
“You can take mine?” You suggested, taking your hat off before combing your hair through with your fingers. “You’ll look good in it and your hair is also slightly curly today! It looks good with slight curls!”
Yeeun gasped, politely accepting your offer. “Oh my, is that why your hair is always curled when you wear hats? It always looks so good!”
You giggled, motioning for her to try it on. “Yep! I spent a short while curling my hair today just for it.”
“How does it look?” Yeeun questioned, turning her head slightly from left to right after putting the hat on.
“It looks flawless! I mean, you always do, but the hat really accentuates your tall nose bridge!” You exclaimed, holding up your front phone camera for her to examine herself.
“What Yn, you’re right! It looks really good!” she squealed. “Plus, my outfit is similar to yours today, so it matches!”
“Yeah! So wear it!” You shot Yeeun another smile before going into your bag to pull out your notebook. “So since we already got you looking the part, I’ll just tell you about the new information I found out this week.”
“Sounds good!” Yeeun scooted closer to the desk, thrilled to hear about your new findings.
“Yes, so never reject a party invitation from him, okay?”
“Yes! I got it.” Yeeun gave you a small thumbs up. “But what if he doesn’t invite me to one of his parties?”
“Then casually ask him if he's holding one this week.” You grinned. “I mean, he hosts one, or at least his friend group hosts one every week at their frat house.”
“Right,” Yeeun pondered for a second before speaking again. “Is it that important to attend one of his parties?”
You didn’t know how to respond. Something in you wanted to end this whole cupid exchange quick, and you knew the best way for her to get his attention was at his stupid parties. You planned to doll Yeeun up when she officially got invited by him. These parties didn’t require invitations, but it was important to have Heeseung personally invite Yeeun. He would know she would be coming and would expect her to greet him when she arrived — that already was a benefit. “Yes, Yeeun! He needs to know you’re coming, remember?”
“Oh, right!” She exclaimed, beaming with excitement. “Then I’ll try my best to talk to him today. I’ll get going now! Thank you once again Yn, you’re a lifesaver.”
“Yeah, of course.”
Your last words left a bitter taste in your mouth. Why was your stomach churning so uncomfortably? It's almost like you hated the idea — the idea of them flirting or making out at one of his parties.
Heeseung regretted every minute of his morning, replaying his encounter with you repeatedly like a broken cassette player, until he felt almost dizzy. He didn’t mean to come off so harshly, yet whenever he saw you, he just wanted you to remain in his view until he himself was forced to leave. He remembered the expression in your eyes and how they grew almost fearful. Somehow it made him feel as if he was in the wrong, as if he were the one to blame for your shaking legs. Initially, he was intrigued by your lack of interest and aloof attitude towards him, but now it only bothered him, crushing his dignity firmly with no sense of remorse. It was almost as if you despised his presence and would go to extreme lengths to stay clear of the boy.
But that didn’t explain the goosebumps that ran up your neck when his breath fanned your lips.
Much to his disfavor, the boy's phone buzzed continually in his back pocket. His father had been pressuring him to attend a special guest lecture to make up for his lack of efforts in his other classes. He had been dreading it for the entire week, and he knew skipping would only earn him a mouthful. Some lecture about some “intriguing discussions about the human mind, darker drives and psychological analysis.” He had no interest whatsoever, and the only thing driving him was the party at the end of the dreadful week. Slinging his bag over his shoulder, he made his way down the looping brick hall, leading him to the lecture hall with the purple plush seats. He didn’t care too much since he would probably sit near the back and doze off behind some committed student who actually attended to learn. Waving lazily to the girls who stared at him with googly eyes, he felt almost sick of doing the same thing. No longer did he find it fun to watch a random girl squirm at the fact that they were acknowledged by the school’s infamous rugby captain. Instead, he found it tiring. He had grown weary to the customs of winking at every passing person. Their excitement clearly did not phase him in the slightest anymore.
The lecture hall was rather silent, opposite of what he thought it’d be like. The only thing he was expecting was over excited students who were too passionate about the subject and enjoyed blabbing constantly about it. He expected everyone to fit the prototype he had created in his head during his tread over. Instead of conforming to his thoughts, most people were in their own seats, scrolling through their phones. Sighing, Heeseung slowly made his way up the stairs. His arrival earned a few slight gasps from a few of the younger students, but he ignored them, focusing on gaining a perfect spot for his little nap.
That was only until he saw you with your head down, buried in your arms. You were wearing the same berret. He chuckled, carefully approaching you, making sure he didn’t make a sound. Maybe this lecture wouldn’t be too bad and maybe he could apologize for what had occurred this morning.
“Hey miss cupid, didn’t know I’d find you here.” Heeseung spoke softly, giving you a soft tap on your head. “Didn’t know you were interested in dark psychology. But at the same time, I feel like it’s very fitting.” Settling his bag on the small pull out table attached to his seat, he wrapped his arm around your chair as he watched you groan slightly, lifting your head.
“Excuse me? Who’s miss cupid?” Yeeun lifted her head, only to face the last person she expected to sit next to her. “Wait, oh my… um hi! Hi Heeseung.”
Heeseung’s face dropped immediately. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you were someone else.” Removing his arm, he quickly shifted uncomfortably, clearing his throat in the process. How could he have mixed you up with someone who didn’t look remotely like you? It was the hat, the fucking hat. He cursed under his breath repeatedly, resting his head on his palm, attempting to distract himself from the embarrassment. He had really just sat in the most evident spot, where the professor could spot him in a single second. Maybe if his mind wasn’t flooded with thoughts of you, he’d make a rational decision and analyze the person in front of him first. Why the fuck was he so desperate?
“Oh, did you mix me up with someone?” Yeeun tapped the boy on the shoulder, shaking him out of his daze. Her smile faded when she saw the boy squint at her, shaking his head as he frowned. Did she do something? Why did he look so uninterested? Didn't Yn say that the hat might help her out?
“Yeah, I guess. Sorry, it’s my fault. I should’ve looked more carefully.” He spoke, forcing a smile to wave off the girl’s concern.
Yeeun couldn’t be happier to see the boy smile again. Her cheeks grew hot as the pair held eye contact for a few seconds. “Oh well, um,” she began. “My name is Yeeun. Hopefully next time you won’t get me mixed up with someone else.”
"Oh yeah, uh sure.”
“I’ve heard of you before,” Yeeun spoke, this time in a softer tone. “You’re the captain of the rugby team, right? I really enjoyed watching you play last year. This year I didn’t have the chance to attend any of your games because of my busy schedule, but I will for sure make time. Speaking of time, I have time this weekend but sadly there’s no game this week. I wish I had come last time. My friend went, and she said you—”
“Wow, that’s interesting, well I mean there is a party this week. I guess you could come.” Heeseung intervened, his tone lacking any sort of enthusiasm. He knew what this was. Another one of those girls trying to appeal to him; kiss up to him so they could get some special invitation from him. Or the other option; they wanted to get in his pants. There was no in-between and Heeseung was sick. How many times had he experienced the same conversation in the past four years? Previously, he might’ve flirted back, but somehow he was absolutely turned off by Yeeun’s advances.
“Oh my god, really? A personal invitation from you?” Yeeun’s expressionbrightened, along with her smile.
Heeseung shot her a forced lazily grin. “Yeah, just give me your number. I’ll text you the address and time.” She was so excited and for what? He didn’t understand how an invitation could influence someone this greatly. They had parties almost every two weeks. Had she never gone to one? Offering his phone to the girl, he sat back, watching Yeeun type in her number ecstatically, fingers slightly quivering. He already knew. She found interest in him, and he couldn’t help but feel bored at that revelation.
“I’ll be sure to come.” Yeeun giggled softly, returning Heeseung's phone. “I might bring a plus one. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, anyone is welcome. Do whatever you wish.”
And the rest of the lecture went swiftly. Heeseung could see the girl next to him steal glances at him now and then. He could see the twinkle in her eyes and how they shined when her gaze landed on him. She most definitely enjoyed his company, unlike someone he knew. But he couldn't say the same.
Upon dismissal, Heeseung didn’t spare a single glance at Yeeun before barging his way through his row, attempting to get to the doors as quickly as possible. Still left in a daze, Yeeun felt the giddy jumping in her stomach as she watched the boy’s broad shoulders squeeze through the jumbling crowd. She liked him even more now. The handsome, tall and kind Lee Heeseung, who was kind enough to invite her to his party.
Heeseung felt void of emotions. His body felt numb and his expression remained blank as he slammed the lecture door, leaving Yeeun’s sight. His surroundings were blurred out by his thoughts that swarmed and suffocated him.
Why did he feel no joy in seeing people swoon over him?
Why was this morning’s incident still stuck in his head like super glue, permanent and unremovable, that only a painful amount of scrubbing, scratching and rinsing could remove? Heeseung was unable to get his mind off you, and he didn’t have the energy to wash away his feelings when his thoughts blocked his freedom.
The realization of his feelings was something new to him.
But Heeseung feared acceptance.
His hands automatically swiped at his phone, dialing the first number on his contact list.
He needed a distraction.
“What the fuck? Where do you need to go?” Your jaw hung wide open at your best friend, who only shot you a nervous grin as she fidgeted with her fingers.
“I’m sorry Yn, please?” Ryujin shot her puppy-like expression at you, begging for you to say yes.
“Okay, first off, why the fuck are you going to see Park Sunghoon, and second, why do I need to drive your ass there? Drive yourself!” You rolled your eyes, bringing your focus back to your dinner you had cooked for yourself.
“Okay, I Just need to give him something, but I just need you to drop me off because ‘he’ knows my car plate and I don’t want him to misunderstand the situation.” Ryujin pleaded.
You had to remind yourself that “he” was the young manager Ryujin had been seeing, who lived around the area of Sunghoon’s fraternity home. “What do you mean, misunderstand? So you want me to wait for you until you return this ‘item’ and then drive you back?”
“Precisely!” Ryujin shot you a thumbs up, which was followed by a nervous grin. “If he sees that I’m with a friend, then he won’t get suspicious.”
You squinted at the girl. “Yeah, but whatever this whole ‘returning the item shit’ is, it’s already fishy to me.”
“No, I swear it isn’t, just please get in the car. Sunghoon’s an impatient person.”
And that’s how you found yourself stepping on the siege green door mattress, neatly placed in front of Sunghoon’s fraternity house. Ryujin pressed on the doorbell once and a long stretch of silence followed through. She then proceeded to bang on the door repeatedly. Ryujin was also an impatient person. “He’s really testing my patience today, huh?” Ryujin groaned, pacing around the door in small semi-circles.
You stood beside her, bored out of your mind. You could’ve been productive in the time wasted by Ryujin, who was too scared to get “caught” returning some stupid ass item. Maybe he wasn’t home, and he pranked your best friend to come over, just to waste her time. He seemed like that type of person. Waiting in the car sounded like a better idea than waiting out here on their doorsteps in the cold. Just as you were about to turn around, the door slammed open to a disheveled—
“Heeseung?” Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as your eyes scanned the man standing in the doorway. He leaned lazily on the open door, barely holding on to the frame of the entrance. He was wearing an oversized flannel, barely clinging onto his shoulders that hung only partially buttoned, revealing most of his bare chest. Your eyes grew big as you noticed the dark red love marks that decorated his neck, all the way to the lower half of his upper body, which was shielded by his flannel.
You were sure the marks didn’t stop there.
“Shit. Yn?” Heeseung was not expecting you. He had only come to his senses after the long pause of him opening the door. He had thought maybe Sunghoon had forgotten his keys, or maybe Jake was too drunk to even search for his. In no world did he think he’d open the door to you, standing at his doorway with an unreadable expression.
“Heeseung, what’s taking you so long?” You heard a voice emerging from behind him, her voice laced with fatigue but also a strong sense of desire.
You knew what was going on.
“Yn, I can explain.” Heeseung rustled his already messy hair. You could clearly read his expression from the way his eyebrows arched downwards, to the firm line his lips were pressed into.
Shaking your head slightly, you squeezed your eyes shut. “What is there for you to explain?” You spoke in a stern voice, attempting to hide the quivering of your words.
“Heeseung, who is it?” You heard the honey laced voice another time.
Without any hesitation, you pushed Heeseung back into the warmth of his house before slamming the door shut. The cold air fanned your face, and the contrast stung like needles. Or maybe it was the disturbing churning in your stomach that made you feel almost sick. Maybe it wasn’t the cold that pierced your body, but the realization that hit you hard in the head, knocking you back to reality.
Why did it hurt to see him like that?
Why did you even care? What did it matter to you?
You always knew. Heeseung was the biggest player on campus, but somehow you didn't know why you expected him to differ from his reputation. You had seen him on campus with his hands around a girl’s waist before, so why did it hurt you so much to see him today?
Ryujin stood on the side, this time her mouth hanging wide open. What did she just witness? She knew her best friend, she read you like an open book, and she understood every expression and twitch in your facial expression. She had just witnessed her best friend’s heart shattering into pieces.
ENTRY LOG #3
Fuck Lee Heeseung. He isn’t kind, nor does he have any redeeming qualities. He isn’t someone to pursue if you're looking for something long-term. He’s an absolute jerk who lies through his teeth and he — it doesn’t matter. Yeeun should give up on him. He’ll just hurt her in the end.
Entry logs were supposed to be professional.
No feelings were supposed to be involved.
You dreaded your next meeting with Yeeun. Once again, you had nothing positive to report to her. You had been labeled the most professional member of the club, yet you failed to deliver any actual substance. Maybe this was a sign to quit the club once and for all. You would have to pull out your logbook full of scribbles and curse words at your client’s love interest.
It was unprofessional of you. But the only main issue was your feelings.
Why the heck did your heart drop to the pit of your stomach when you saw Heeseung the other night? It wasn’t like you two had anything going on — you knew that for sure. But then why did his expression fall into utter fear when he saw you on his own doorstep? Why did he feel the need to explain? Wasn’t this one of his normal, frequent activities? If so, why did his eyes yearn to apologize?
Snap out of it. You had to bring yourself back to reality.
What mattered now was that Heeseung was your client’s love interest and nothing mattered more other than getting them together — even if he was a jerk. You had no responsibility for how relationships would grow and break after your service. Frankly, you got them together, and that’s all that mattered. It wasn’t your fault if they ended up breaking up, because that was something you couldn’t control.
“I’ll just do what I always do,” you mumbled, shaking your head as you watched the faint movement of the clock. “Get them together. The end. No strings attached.”
There were five more minutes until your meeting with Yeeun, but surprisingly, the knock at your door came earlier than expected. She was smiling yet again, this time holding a set of sweet frappuccinos in her hand. The girl had an insane amount of manners. She stood outside the door even if she already knew you were fine with her bargaining in. She respected your privacy and only entered when you gave her a slight nod.
“Yn, you won’t guess what happened!” Yeeun squealed, placing the two diabetes-inducing drinks on the table. “I wanted to tell you as soon as possible, but I remembered that I didn’t have your number and had no actual other way to reach you.”
There was a strict rule in the whole “cupid’s service.” The relationship between you and your client would remain professional throughout the duration of your assistance. They would have no access to any of your personal information, and neither did you. The only thing you had to keep in contact with was your weekly scheduled meetings.
“What can be so exciting? You're all giddy!” In all honesty, you never understood the girl’s positivity. It was as if she was shielded by a ray of pure golden sunshine for her entire life. Darkness was a concept that strayed away from her, never crossing paths.
“Heeseung invited me to his party!” Yeeun chirped. “It was a personal invitation, too! He asked for my number and sent me the time and address! Do you think he likes me back? I mean, he invited me personally!”
Your smile immediately turned downwards at the mention of Heeseung. You found it odd that even after all the claims about him and his flings, she wouldn't slowly lose interest and move on. Instead, the girl only saw him as a knight in shining armor, who would walk with her in that path of purity, that ray of sunshine.
But she was delusional.
Forcing the best answer you could, you awkwardly closed your log book filled with pages of slander. “Uh, oh wow Yeeun! I'm so happy for you.” What more could you say? Heeseung invited anyone who wanted to attend his parties. There was no such thing as private invitations—
Right, you had to be positive. This was your best chance at getting them together. “You should go, a hundred percent. You said he invited you, right? So he’ll probably want to see you there! We should decide on your outfit together.”
“Right!” Yeeun giggled in agreement. “Oh but Yn, I need to request another favour.”
Already scrolling through an online store catalog, you stopped to glance back at Yeeun, who had an almost apologetic expression plastered on her face. “The tone of your voice has me worried a bit. But go ahead, what's up?”
“I’m sorry, but could you please come to the party with me? All my friends are absolutely against the idea and I don’t want to be going to an unfamiliar place alone. I thought maybe since you’ve probably never been, we could navigate it together? Also, isn’t it best to go with a friend?”
Your mind immediately flashed back to the other night, standing in front of Heeseung’s doorway. An unfamiliar place? Yeah, you wished you could agree. “Yeeun, I’m sorry but,” You had to avoid this party at all costs.
Because you wanted to keep the relationship between you and Yeeun professional? That’s only what you told yourself.
You didn’t want to see him again. You didn’t even want to lay your eyes on the boy for a second.
“I get you wanna keep everything professional, but I really need your help! Just this once, I promise! Next time, I promise I won’t bother you about something like this again! You’ve just been so helpful and I really find comfort in you. Plus, maybe you could assist me with getting Heeseung there, right?”
Maybe she had a thing for rambling.
“Yeeun, I’m honored that you find comfort in me, but this is really something I cannot do for you. I can give you tips and I could also help you find a dress, or heck, even purchase one for you, but physically attending? That’s something I can’t do.” You spoke sternly, hoping she’d get the idea.
“But who’s gonna take me home? What if he invites me to drink? I can’t say no to him, and even worse, I can’t drive back under the influence!” Her eyebrows furrowed. She was getting more desperate.
“Then I’ll give you my number. You can call me and I’ll pick you up.”
“But that’s unprofessional!” Yeeun retorted. “I’m gonna have a hard time navigating this new environment. Could you just help me? Please?”
At this point, you knew the girl wasn’t going to back out until you accepted her request. Maybe you wouldn’t even see him. You could just drop her off and stick around outside and make up some random excuse that you're carsick. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad. “Okay fine. But this time only.”
“Fingers crossed,” She giggled, standing up from her chair. “I’ll head off now since I have other plans! But we can meet here Friday night, I’ll pick you up. Make sure to bring your drivers license though! You’ll probably be the one driving us back! Oh yeah, and this drink is for you. I was going to bribe you with it but I’m glad it didn’t resort to it.” She waved at you before pushing her way out of your office.
Wow. Did she really think a cheap drink could buy your favour?
You were slowly losing respect for her. Who knew someone this smart could be so stupid in the real world. Being book smart doesn’t define your intelligence whatsoever.
Friday came faster than you expected and with a blink of an eye, you were sitting in the passenger seat of Yeeun’s silver Lexus that smelled as if it was brand new. They were going to a party, so why would she drive out her new car? It was a night of chaos and her perfectly painted car was a hundred percent prone to scratches, bumps and, worse off them all, vomit. Rolling down the windows, you stuck your face in the fresh air, attempting to mask the overwhelming smell of fresh leather. You dreaded this day, but somehow Yeeun didn’t seem to care one bit.
“Thank you so much for picking out a dress for me, Yn!” Yeeun broke the silence while keeping her eyes on the path ahead of her. “I’m glad we found an outfit suitable for you too! Your dress is really cute, but it doesn’t over shine mine, which is probably a good idea since I need to be the main highlight today.”
You had grown to realize that Yeeun wasn’t shy at all. She just needed time opening up and conveying her true thoughts. No wonder her works were all filled with complex feelings and a wide range of emotions. She didn’t have anywhere to convey her own, so writing them out was probably the most convenient for her. Yeeun was comfortable with you now, and that obliterated any filter she had masking her feelings. “Of course.” You awkwardly chuckled, staring back at the blurred silhouettes of landscapes passing by.
“We’re almost there,” Yeeun spoke again. “I can’t wait to see him! What do you think he’ll be wearing? Ripped jeans? A leather jacket? What do you think it is?”
“Definitely not a loose fitting flannel.” You blurted out, eyes still trained on the oddly shaped traffic light in the distance.
“Huh? A loose flannel? Why would that even come to mind?” Yeeun questioned. “Do you like when people wear oversized flannels?”
You choked, slightly coughing at her response. “No, it was just a random thought.”
A random thought?
You still despised Heeseung for his flannel that told you everything. The way his face fell pale and the way he wanted to “explain.” Nothing made sense to you, and your thoughts were still tightly wrapped around that night.
Nothing made sense — not even your own feelings.
You didn’t know why you were so bothered and so angry at the boy. Every time you saw him after that night, your eyes would immediately dart away, fleeing his presence. He would attempt to run after you, but he would constantly lose your trail.
“Well, look at that. I can already hear the music and we’re only a block away.” Yeeun broke the silence once again.
“You might want to park your car around here,” you suggested. “It would be best if we walked over there instead. You wouldn’t want your car getting damaged by drunk students, would you?”
You were right, and Yeeun nodded happily. Complying with your suggestion, she pulled over, parking in front of a lawn, away from anyone’s garage lane. The housing was rather sparse in the area and none of the neighbors seemed to be bothered by the intense booming music coming from the party. Yeeun checked once again if her windows were rolled up completely before getting out of her car. Swiftly following her, you stepped out of the door from your side. You hadn’t even gone into the house, but you could already feel your soul leaving your body. You despised loud, chaotic environments — especially parties.
Yeeun scurried over to you, linking her arm with yours. “Isn’t this so exciting? Let’s find Heeseung as soon as we enter, okay?”
You squinted at her before reassuring her with a sarcastic smile. “Um, actually, I’m a little carsick. I think I’ll stay outside for a while.”
“No, you can’t do that!” She whined, shooting you an accusing pout. “At least greet him with me first. I told him I was gonna bring a plus one. You can go anywhere you want after.”
Demanding and inconsiderate. You had figured that she was just as stubborn as Heeseung.
“Fucking kind facade.” You mumbled under your breath, clearing your throat in the process.
“What?” Yeeun questioned with the same innocent eyes she had looked at you with the first time you two had met.
“Oh nothing, let’s go in.” You smiled.
Yeeun didn’t ask further questions. Blinded by her eagerness, she pulled you into the loud atmosphere littered with red plastic cups and confetti. The music was earsplitting, only making it possible to hear each other if you spoke up. “Shall we head to the main living room area? I heard he’s usually there with his friend group.” Yeeun attempted to shout over the music, covering her ears in the process. The speakers were right at the door, so maybe this was the reason the music overpowered.
You nodded hesitantly, and the girl didn’t waste a single second, dragging you further past the groups of students playing beer pong. Their drunken cheers of victory enticed you more than wherever the heck Yeeun was dragging you to.
“Oh, shit.” The shorter girl halted. “I see him.”
“Damn, do you have twenty, twenty vision or something? Because I can’t see shit.” You spoke with a lack of enthusiasm.
Yeeun turned around, facing you as she fidgeted with her fingers. “Do you see him over there? He’s surprisingly not wearing anything shockingly fashionable, but he still looks so good.” She gushed, looking down at her feet.
Once again, she reminded you. No matter how her personality took a turn, her feelings towards him were still the same — innocent and pure. She liked him a lot, and you could tell from the way her eyelashes fluttered as she spotted him.
Titling your head to the left, you looked in the direction where Yeeun was last staring. You spotted him almost immediately. He stood against a wall, one hand in his pocket and the other holding the same plastic red cup you had seen everyone with. Yeeun was right. He was dressed rather effortlessly, but he was still attractive. He wore a plain white t-shirt tucked neatly in his black straight-fit pants. His hair was styled and neatly parted, however, unlike regular days, more of his forehead was exposed today. He looked mature, unlike his daily boy-ish looks. “Well, it’s your chance. Go up to him.” You encouraged, trying your best to feel the same excitement Yeeun had felt.
“Crap, he looks so good. I don’t know if I’ll be able to say anything. What if I get tongue twisted? You’ll help me, right?” Yeeun panicked slightly, her eyes darting everywhere.
You gave the girl another reassuring nod. How many times would you have to reassure her today? “Yeah, just go up to him.”
Yeeun took a few breaths in and out, calming herself. “Okay, let me reorient myself.”
With Yeeun still facing away from Heeseung, you stole another glance at the group he was standing with. You spotted Sunghoon, the puppy looking boy and the other boy with the sharp features. You had recognized them from the rugby game, as their faces weren’t the easiest to forget. Before you could divert your attention back to the panicking Yeeun, your eyes met a familiar pair of inky dark eyes. Through his hooded lids, Heeseung looked up at you from the rim of the plastic cup he was drinking out of. He held eye contact, his gaze piercing right through you.
Instead of looking away, you stared back at him. Your surroundings seemed to disperse into nothingness as you fell deeper into his gaze that devoured all light with its intensity. You felt your stomach flip inside out as the boy kept his gaze trained on you.
How could he be so confident after that incident?
He really felt nothing, huh?
“Yn? Yn?” Yeeun was already snapping her fingers at your dazed expression. “What are you looking at? You’re making me more nervous.”
“Oh shit. I'm sorry, I didn’t mean it.” You stammered, forcing another one of your fake smiles.
Yeeun rolled her eyes. “You’re constantly zoning out today, but I’ll let it go since you’re helping me out.” Maybe the girl had felt a sudden surge of confidence because she was now holding onto your wrist, pulling you towards the group of boys. She stopped right in front of the four of them and cleared her throat, signaling for their attention. You stood behind the girl, attempting to divert your attention back to the kids playing beer pong.
“Oh? Who’s this?” The puppy looking boy spoke in an amused tone. “I’ve never seen you before. Are you new here?”
“Wow shut up bro, ask for her name first.” The boy with the sharper features stated.
You could see Yeeun fidgeting with the helm of her skirt. Heeseung wasn't even looking at the anxious girl in front of him. Instead, his eyes were glued on you, who seemed concerned about Yeeun’s nervous state.
“Oh wait,” Sunghoon pushed Yeeun slightly, moving her off to the side. He was moving towards you. “You, you’re Yn aren’t you? Ryujin’s friend.”
You lifted your gaze up to meet Sunghoon’s amused stare. Shit. Yeeun looked pissed. She had been completely disregarded by the boys, and Heeseung didn’t even seem to recognize her. “Oh yeah, hi.” You responded dryly.
“Oh wait, you’re Yn?” the puppy boy spoke again. “Heeseung mentioned you before, isn’t that right?” He nudged his friend on the shoulder, indulging in the conversation Sunghoon had established with you.
Your gaze found Heeseung once again. He didn’t speak. His face sat emotionless, void of any sort of reaction as he leaned back against the wall, sipping on his drink without responding to Jake.
“Sorry, he’s been a little out of it recently, I apologize for—"
“Doesn’t matter.” You blurted out. “Um, this is my friend Yeeun. She was invited by one of you, I’m assuming? She just wanted to say hi.” You wanted to avoid saying Heeseung’s name at all costs.
The boys looked at each other, confused. “Uh, I don’t think any of us invited her.” The boy with the sharper features spoke again, further extending his apologetic tone.
“I did.” Heeseung finally spoke up. “Well, she practically begged me to invite her. She bothered me about it for the whole lecture and she just couldn’t stop going on about how she wished she could be at my game. She kept batting her eyelashes at me as if her stupid falsies could seduce me or something. It was kind of sad, honestly. Actually, it’s embarrassing, seeing someone try so hard just to get notice—“
“What the fuck is your problem?” You viscously snapped at him. You could see Yeeun shaking slightly from the rude remarks Heeseung had thrown at her while inching close to her. He had taken someone’s genuine feelings and twisted them to sound like some obsession. You didn’t like Yeeun’s pushy attitude, but this was too much.
The other boys were stunned by your words, too scared to speak up. Yes, they had thought their friend had gone too far, but now that you spoke, there was no more room to intervene.
“What the fuck do you mean? What’s my problem?” Heeseung retorted. This time, his eyes burned with anger. He pushed his drink into Sunghoon’s grasp before pushing Yeeun to the side once again as he approached you.
“You can’t just say that about someone. Do you know how much your words can affect someone? Simply disregarding someone’s genuine feelings doesn’t make you cool. Just because you have a reputation doesn’t mean everyone fucking wants you. Stop acting so entitled because it’s gonna stab you in the back.” You hissed, ignoring how the room fell silent.
“Well, you know what? Your friend here seems to fucking want me, so your point isn’t getting through. She was practically drooling when she entered the fucking house.” Heeseung fired back.
He had already seen you two as soon as you both walked through the doors? Looking back at Yeeun, she shot you a venomous glare. You had completely ruined her chances with Heeseung, and now you were here arguing with him.
You were sick of this.
You had a feeling since day one, no one would walk out of this happy. You knew involving yourself would tangle up the situation, but you were already in too deep, trying to protect Yeeun’s image. Yet, she didn’t seem a tad thankful for your actions.
“Fuck this cupid shit.” You mumbled while scoffing. You didn’t know why Heeseung had targeted all his anger on you after he was the one who threw rude remarks at your friend. But more specifically, you didn’t know why he was so angry at you when he was the one caught in an unfortunate tango with some random girl. You remembered his apologetic eyes the first time he tried to explain. But now, all that was left was anger fuelling strongly in his heart. Maybe he just didn’t want you to tell everyone you had seen him that night and that’s why he tried to convince you with his sad eyes.
“You know what? Fuck you, all of you.” You fumed, turning around almost immediately. You didn’t want to be in this house for any second longer. Yeeun watched as you dashed out of the house, slamming the door in the process. She was pissed — pissed that you blew her chances.
“Yo, what the fuck is wrong with you today?” Sunghoon pushed the plastic cup back into Heeseung’s hand. “First you’re being irresponsive, now you’re being some actual fucking jerk. All this for what, huh? Apologize.”
Heeseung himself didn’t know what had gotten into him.
He had no reason to blow up in your face, nor did he have a reason to denounce Yeeun with such venomous remarks. He didn’t even know why he was so angry. The feeling that welled up in his stomach when he saw you enter the house with a smile on your face suffocated him. It’s not that he didn’t want to speak, he just couldn’t bring himself to.
“I need some fresh air.” Heeseung finally spoke up again, excusing himself from his confused friends, who only shouted at him to come back. Yeeun stood frozen, watching as the boy she so desired disappear into a crowd of people. He had ignored her presence first, made such negative remarks about her, and then, once again, disregarded her while leaving without a single apology. The rumors were lies. Heeseung wasn’t a swift player who swept people off their feet.
Instead, he was cruel and seemingly heartless. Yeeun’s view began to cloud and blur as tears welled up in her eyes.
Heeseung headed straight for the door. He once again felt the sudden urge to find you, to apologize for everything that had transpired this past week. You had looked at him with such disappointment. He felt a lump forming in his throat at the thought of you hating him. As soon as he made his way outside, the cold air sent shivers down his spine. Had it always been this cold? His gaze quickly darted in every direction, until he spotted you a block away, leaning against a car with your hands covering your face. Were you crying? But his words weren’t even directed towards you.
His trudge towards you felt almost painful as his feet grew heavier with every step. At this point, you had sensed someone coming in your direction. Looking up, you made direct eye contact with Heeseung, who stood frozen in front of you. You weren’t crying. Rather, you seemed frustrated, especially now in his presence. “Why the fuck are you here?” You spat, gaze piercing through his.
Heeseung’s eyes softened, erasing his lingering anger. He didn’t have the right to get angry with you in the first place, and now that he was alone with you, he no longer wanted to keep beefing. Swallowing the lump that reformed in his throat, Heeseung finally spoke up. “I’m here to apologize. Not just for today, but the other night, too.”
“What is there to apologize for?” You retorted.
You were afraid to break down in front of Heeseung.
You couldn’t let him know how devastated you had felt after you saw him the other night. Rather, you couldn’t even give him the slightest hint that you were affected by his actions.
You were right. What was there to apologize for? It’s not like he did anything wrong. But somehow the guilt was eating away at him. He didn’t want you to misunderstand his feelings.
“You’re right. There’s nothing to apologize for, but everyday we grow further apart. At this point, you’re practically avoiding me like I’m some plague.” Heeseung spoke.
He had caught you. Sure, you wanted to play it off like nothing had happened. But whenever you saw the boy, you couldn’t help but feel a sharp pang in your chest. Avoiding him was your only option. “I realized that I shouldn’t get close to you, since you’re my clients—”
Shit. You weren’t supposed to tell him.
“I mean. You’re um,” you struggled to make up an excuse. “You’re bad news. That’s what everyone says.”
“I know already. You don’t have to hide it.” Heeseung mumbled. “I knew that Yeeun girl was your client right when you spoke up for her. I was her target, huh? You’re tasked to bring us together. Is that why you distanced yourself?”
“Yeah, it’s not professional to have close relations with your client’s—“
“But what if I liked you?” Heeseung intervened. “What if I couldn’t go a fucking day without you?”
You were lost for words, and time seemed to stop at his sudden confession. What the heck did he just say?
“Yn, I don’t care for your fucking client or your stupid cupid services. I don’t care about professionalism, nor do I care about hurting Yeeun’s feelings. Every single time you avoided me or ignored me, I felt as if I was sinking deeper into a pit of lava. It fucking hurts. Do you know that? To see your expression drop into a cold hard stare as soon as we made eye contact.”
“Then why the fuck did you sleep with that girl if you liked me so much?!” You finally lashed out, demanding an answer.
His eyes widened, shocked by your words. Of course, he wanted to explain himself, but he didn’t expect you to blatantly ask him out of the blue. “That,” he hesitated. “I didn’t know how to handle my feelings. I don’t usually feel such a strong attachment to people, and I wanted to deny every last hint of my true feelings. I thought that maybe… I thought by getting with someone else, I’d forget about how I felt about you. But it was the complete opposite. The more I indulged in my old habits to erase you from my thoughts, the more empty I felt. The worst was the other night when you came knocking on my door. I couldn’t even process the situation. My mind just fell blank. I knew I wouldn’t be able to apologize without telling you everything. Yn I’m sorry. You probably don’t even fucking care, sorry for—“
“It hurt like shit. Did you know that?” This time, you were the one to cut him off. “You could’ve told me earlier.”
“But you were the one avoiding me.” Heeseung spoke with an innocent expression on his face.
He was right. You would never listen to his reasoning unless you came to terms with your own feelings. You would continue to ignore him until he got tired of trying.
You giggled softly. “You’re right. That was ridiculous for me to say.”
Heeseung’s frown finally curved up into a genuine smile, an unfamiliar sight. You were so used to his cocky grins and his sly smirks, you couldn’t help but admire the way the corner of his lips lifted so effortlessly. “You’re finally smiling again. I missed it. I missed you.”
You stared at the boy, this time falling victim to his piercing gaze once again. You stood there frozen, unable to move, as Heeseung stared back at you with his inky eyes that appeared golden under the streetlight.
The both of you fell into the comfort of silence.
Falling deeper in his eyes, you barely noticed him inching closer to you, his breath fanning your lips. Not being able to process anything completely, you managed to hold your breath, squeezing your eyes shut at the proximity and the boy's staggering breath.
He was nervous.
He had never been nervous, but as he slowly leaned in, he could hear his own heartbeat ringing in his ears. You stood still, gripping onto the helm of your skirt as if you were holding on for dear life. Too scared to move, you didn’t know what to expect. But most importantly, you couldn’t even process what was transpiring between you two.
Was this wrong?
What were you doing?
Before your mind could wander into deeper analysis or questioning, you feel his soft lips press against yours. His movements were gentle, almost as if he could hurt you at any moment. His arms encase you as they both rest on the car behind you. Heeseung was afraid to hold you. In his eyes, you were as delicate as a feather, and just one touch would break you. He saw you as someone precious, non-deserving of his filthy hands.
Who even gave him the right to kiss you?
You, on the other hand, were lost in your own world as your mind swarmed and your heart raced. You liked Heeseung. You truly did. Your hands slowly crept away from your side, wanting to pull him closer to deepen the kiss, but before you could, he swiftly pulled away. His breaths remained unsteady as he saw your flushed face. “Shit, I’m sorry Yn. That was all of a sudden, I know.” He mumbled as his ears burned.
“Don’t apologize.” You blushed, reaching for his hand that fell to his side. Your pinky latched onto his pinky finger as you nervously looked down, avoiding his gaze.
“Does this count as you accepting my apology, then?” Heeseung spoke in an almost whispering tone.
Finally, looking up at the boy again, you gave him a reassuring smile as you hummed in response. Heeseung couldn’t help but smile like a fool, knowing you had felt the same about him.
You had accepted his apology and you didn’t push him away when he kissed you. Heeseung couldn’t be happier. What else could happen to steal his happiness away? Nothing else mattered anymore.
“Heeseung, where the fuck are you?” A voice echoed through the street. It was Sunghoon. He had come looking for his friend.
“Oh shit. I think I have to go.” Heeseung shot you an apologetic expression. “I’m so sorry Yn, I’ll see you on monday?”
You nodded, giving him another smile.
His hands left the comfort of yours as he turned away, heading back to the house.
Your pinkies were now detached from each other.
A promise would be broken.
The next weekend you spent, curdled up in your room, replaying your encounter in your head. What the heck had transpired? Heeseung had kissed you. And you did nothing to stop him. You buried your face in your palms as you blushed again. You felt as if you were on cloud nine. What could go wrong?
Maybe you had gotten ahead of yourself.
Your phone buzzed, shaking you out of your endless thought loop.
Yeeun: Yn. I don’t know what the heck happened that day and I don’t understand why you felt the need to speak up for me. If he was gonna slander me, then so be it. You failed. You fucking failed bringing us together, and you left me that night, alone. How can you even make up for all this? How could you do this? Where’s your fucking professionalism, huh? What are you gonna do now, huh?
You froze at Yeeun’s text. Part of you wanted to blame her for having no self-worth whatsoever. But in another sense, she was right. You were the sole reason she wasn’t able to get with who she wanted. You involved your own feelings into the mix, completely throwing everything off course. It was your fault for diverting Heeseung’s attention, and you knew you were wrong. It was stated clearly in the rules: you could never have personal relations with your client, or your client’s love interest — you had broken them both.
You let your emotions get the best of you when you intervened in the conversation, attempting to protect Yeeun, and most importantly, you had kissed Heeseung, completely enveloped in your own feelings. Your first mistake was accepting Yeeun’s invite to the party.
No. Your first mistake was getting involved with Lee Heeseung.
Your phone buzzed again.
Yeeun: Also, I hope you don’t think I’m dumb. I saw you. I saw you with him. I can’t believe you could do this to me — and you still preach professionalism? Cut the bullshit, Yn. You completely deceived me, and unless you want to deal with getting kicked out, I suggest you do something.
You didn’t care if you got kicked out, frankly it would probably be for the best if this would be the outcome of your requests. However, the main issue was your own guilt, that was picking away at you. You had lied and pretended to help someone. You had acted selfishly, only caring for your own emotions. The sole purpose of the Cupid consulting club was to prioritize your client’s feelings and help them in your best effort. You did none of that. You didn’t prioritize Yeeun, nor did you truly help her.
You shrunk back into your chair, contemplating what to do.
Yeeun was right.
You had to do something.
Heeseung was left confused once again. The boy was thrilled to see you after the weekend and it was all he could think about. His friends had also found his attitude weird, as they saw him randomly chuckle out of the blue. They didn’t ask questions, but they were happy he was finally out of his slump.
So why did he see you avoid his gaze once again, scurrying off to get away from him? He shook it off, thinking you were still nervous from the party incident, but as days flew by, you once again avoided him like he was some sick disease. What had he done so wrong now? He needed an answer.
He would not let you go so easily again.
“Yn.” You heard a shout from behind you. His familiar voice echoed through the empty hall, and as soon as you heard him, you wanted to dash for your life. “Can you just fucking stop? Why are you running?” The voice spoke again.
You knew if you turned around, your heart would shatter.
Right. This was for the best. You had to compose yourself.
“Yn what the fuck?” Heeseung garbled your wrist, turning you around to face him. “Why are you ignoring me again? After everything?”
You met his saddened eyes, filled to the brim with unexplainable emotions. You couldn’t bear seeing him like this, but his grip on your wrist only seemed to tighten as you attempted to wiggle out. “Let go of me.” You spat.
“What the fuck, Yn? You can’t just expect me to leave when you’re acting like this. I thought we talked this over already? Why are you acting like this, avoiding me?”
You sighed. Pushing your emotions back into your churning stomach. You hated this. You wanted to disappear.
“Stay away from me. I don’t care what you thought happened that day, but nothing did. Think of it as a mistake.” You blurted out. “No, actually, you’re Lee Heeseung, so think of it as your average fling.”
His face fell pale, all the emotions drained out by your words. “What did you just say?” He stammered.
“Do I have to make it any clearer?” You spoke again, this time struggling to keep your voice steady. “That day meant nothing to me.”
Heeseung felt as if he had been punched relentlessly in the stomach. He had poured out all his emotions to you and for the first time; he felt comfortable and content with someone. But now you were standing in front of him, each word piercing him slowly but deeply. You gave the boy a taste of his own medicine unknowingly, and all he could do was beg you to stay. “Yn, you don’t mean it.”
The more the conversation dragged on, the more you felt yourself waver in your emotions.
You wanted to drop this act, but you knew what had to be done.
“I do. You meant nothing to me. All your actions made me laugh. How could you fall for someone just because they didn’t show interest in you at the beginning? You’re truly pathetic.”
That was a lie and your words continued to thrust him deeper into agony. Sure, Heeseung enjoyed the chase, but he would drop anyone without batting an eye if they weren’t showing any interest. He thought he would feel the same about you, but his feelings proved him wrong. “If this is all an act for your stupid client, drop it. I told you already that I don’t care about your client, and if this is for her, I won’t accept it.”
He had caught you red-handed, but there was no turning back.
“No, I fucking despise you. Everything about you pisses me off to the core, especially your habits. Your habits are absolutely disgusting” At this point, you now involved your own insecurities into this. You hated his sweet words because at the back of your head you feared he was lying and you hated his habits, mainly because you were afraid he would never be truly content with you.
But none of that mattered.
Because you were never supposed to involve your own emotions in the first place.
Heeseung grabbed your shoulders, pulling you close to him. His grip tightened, breathing in slowly as he pressed his eyes shut in frustration. “Yn, fucking look at me in the eyes and tell me that there was nothing between us. Look into my eyes and tell me everything was a lie.” His voice wavered, cracking at the end of his sentence.
You took the last bit of courage you had and looked up at the boy, whose eyes were now begging you to tell him that it wasn’t a lie. “Did you not hear me the first time?” You spoke in the steadiest voice you could muster up. “You meant absolutely nothing to me, and you never will. In my heart, you amount to nothing.”
His grip on your shoulders loosened as they fell to his side in pure terror. Backing away, his hands began to quiver and his breaths grew unsteady. Never in his life did he ever think he’d experience the absolute horror of a heartbreak. He had cruised through his life, breaking hearts left and right, but never did he think he’d find himself on the verge of breaking down.
“Heeseung, it’s over. Whatever exchange we had, ends here. Don’t approach me or even look in my direction ever again.”
And that’s all it took.
That’s all it took to break Lee Heeseung, the boy who grew up engulfed by praises — the “careless” jerk, who was immune to tears and deemed “unbreakable.”
That’s all it took.
“Yn,” He croaked out, his voice still wavering. “Even if you shoved me deep into the pits of hell, I would still crawl back to you. Even if my legs were severed, I’d still claw my way back to you. Don’t you understand?” He paused.
“I fucking love you.”
Your heart fell to the pit of your stomach. You understood. You wanted to embrace him, to apologize, and to comfort him.
But you knew.
Cupid’s law number one: Never fall in love.
You were a matchmaker. You had no place involving your own emotions.
You were a matchmaker with the sole purpose of bringing others together.
But you ruined it.
You ruined it for everyone.
You had to swallow that bitter pill and acknowledge your wrongdoings. You had to come face to face with it all, and accept that you had failed.
You had fallen in love.
And in the process, you broke people for the sake of your own happiness.
There was a reason why rules were set, and you never knew the severity of following them until now.
You let your emotions get the best of you, and that’s where it all spiraled downwards.
You didn’t have the right to love; you were undeserving of it.
And if it meant breaking Heeseung’s heart to make up for your wrongdoings, you would gladly do so, no matter how badly it hurt.
For the sake of others.
You had to let go.
A/N: oml hi bff! You’ve made it through this word vomit. Hello, but I’m so honored that you even survived till the end. Editing this, plus blr acting up took like 5 hours I wanna cry. But anyways, thank you so much for reading! This is my first official one-shot, so feel free to leave your feedback and thoughts! I would love to read all of them. But again, thank you so much for reading ilyyy
high school sophomore. popular for being the 'it' girl of the school. I mean, you're rich, talented and beautiful. captain of the girls dance team and class representative. in the same class as sunoo, jungwon, chaeryoung, yuna and karina.
high school sophomore. vice captain of dance team. y/n's closest and oldest friend. neighbours with park jongseong. has been best friends with y/n for 10 years.
high school sophomore. another material gurl. part of the dance team. she has something going on with jake. has been friends with y/n for 6 years.
high school sophomore. part of the dance team. gossip gurl. close friends with heeseung. has been friends with y/n for 2 years.