Hey Shiggy, I saw Dabi (Not sure if I'm allowed to say your name, sorry) but me and the Heathens system (The rest of the LOV) also appreciate it a lot that you let me in the LOV due to my relation with the commission. (A different) Dabi and I are in a great relationship because you accepted us (more like didn't give a fuck. -D) and we're so happy together because you let us do everything our ways. Toga says hi as well as Jin! We made up over the whole killing thing (long story) and Spinner says hey too! We all hope you're doing well!
I feel like being Keigo’s girlfriend means you see a lot of Tokoyami and he’s almost like a nephew to you. You love the kid and he respects you a lot. Keigo even gets a lil jealous at how well you get along. It’s almost funny. But what’s funnier is when the two of you team up to bully him. He’ll whine and moan about the two of you making fun of him and his silly antics but really it melts his fuckin’ heart. It’s so stupid. Watching you guys laugh and joke, so casually, sprawled over the couches of his living room. He didn’t even buy the furniture, came with the apartment. Never felt like a home, instead some foreign collection of rooms. Now it does. With the two of you there, sometimes three, sometimes even 4 when Mirko decides to make a surprise visit. Maybe even 7, the Todoroki kid, that arm breaker and the loud one once visited, nearly turned his apartment upside down. And he didn’t even mind. While he tidied up with you, he couldn’t help but smile. Something about how domestic it was, you scowling at the burnt pillows, turning to throw it at him, him dodging and laughing in return. Fumikage showing up at the wrong time-with the takeout he’d been tasked to get-only to catch the second pillow destined for Keigo and throwing it even harder. It’s something straight out of movie, stupidly domestic, nothing he’s had before. He could cry, he could laugh but fuck does he love it.
I'm more favorable of soft! Yan characters, but I fully believe Yan! Katsuki or Keigo, would be possessive. (Not so much so as you fear him really really badly.) But as in he becomes really protective and observant when out in public with you.
Soft Yan! Keigo or katsuki always make sure that you have some accessory that's of their favorite color or that has their initials carved in it. Or they'll always make sure you wear something of theirs when you're out. Like his shirt or his cologne or they'll somehow convince you to get his initials tattooed on like, your wrist or collar bone.
Soft Yan! Katsuki or keigo, who know how to pull the right strings to get to know your entire work schedule of the month, every month, so he knows when to stop in to visit you.
Or he convinces u to quit your job and stay at home, or he finds u a job closer, to his agency. (Personally I love plant shops / florists.) So he'll get u a job there, so he can pop in more often.
YES THAT'S THEM
Soft Yan! Katsuki is surprisingly softer as a yandere to you than how he is to other people normally and that's because he's in love with you so much that he became a yandere. Keigo and Katsuki want people to know you're theirs so you always have to wear something of theirs, whether it's Keigo's signature perfume or Bakugou's hoodie you need to wear something that can link you to them.
Keigo is the same but he's more calculating, he'll smile to you but give everyone else a poker face when going out with you. As he listens to you talk he looks around to see if anyone's checking you out and if someone is he'll pull you in for a sudden kiss in public while eyeing the person who checked you out to show them that you're already taken.
Keigo will sweet-talk the receptionist of your workplace into giving your schedule but Katsuki will glare at them and intimidate them into giving it.
Yep they'd also want you to stay at home so after a lot of persuading you eventually give in and work somewhere closer to them. And you can't deny how easier your life was, the work was surprisingly simpler and less and you could always have lunch with them and meet them
My asks are open to yandere thoughts, headcannons and ideas! ^^
Keigo shouldn't smell like cat food unless he carries around opened/empty tubes?? Or if one pops while he's fighting lol
Also! I think the tubes actually might be treats? Some Korean cat channels I've seen use them + my cat likes them (orig is churu cat treats I think but other brands also make them now) Which is cute bc then he Really wants cats to like him aaaaa cutie
EITHER WAY MY GUY. THE POOR BIRD MAN IS GONNA OCCASIONALLY REEK OF CAT FOOD. 🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭
I can only imagine how smug the yanderes would be if their lover escaped so they go out and try to find them, only to have their lover come running back into their arms because something horrible happened to them when they ran away.
Poor Reiner can’t let anyone know that she ran away. Fearing that when they would find her, they’d try to kill her. Everyone knows that Reiner brought a war wife home from the devil’s island and not everyone was too happy about it. They’ll eventually warm up too her but for now, she needs to be by his side.
So you can only imagine his relief when she came out of nowhere and flew right in his arms. She was clearly upset by something and buried herself in his chest. Reiner immediately trapped her in his embrace and tried to calm her down. He would relish in these rare moments that she was showing him some type of affection. And not trying to fight him off or protest.
Maybe she changed and that’s why she came back? Maybe she’ll learn to behave from now on and not reject his advances? Maybe she’ll finally learn that she’s the perfect war wife for him and finally want to start a family?? Reiner was so overjoyed at the thought of her finally submitting herself to him. But for now, he just wants to bring her back home. Reiner kissed her temple and pulled to wipe the tears from her eye.
“I’m so glad your alright. Let go back home.” Reiner would placed his hand on her lower back and guide her back home. He was just so happy to have her back in his bed! Reiner couldn’t wait to hear all about how she escape, who she was with, and what she will do to make it up to him.
Garou would be so pissed off when he was hunting her down. He would be cussing and murmuring under his breath the whole time until he found her. But that anger would quickly turn into confusion when his lover spotted him and ran towards him.
Wait, she’s running towards him? Doesn’t she usually run in the other direction when she’s trying to escape from Garou.
Garou was silent and stare down at her as she wept in his chest. She would cry and tell him how horrible it was went she escaped from the hideout and it was all a mistake.
Garou chuckled and smirked at her quivering form.
“Well well, look who learned the hard way that they can’t live without me?”
She would say nothing but continue to cry in his chest. Garou would pick her up bridal style and take her back to the hideout. Once back at home, he would be sure to lock the door behind him, place his lover on the bed and tower over her.
“Now then, why don’t you tell me how you managed to escape. And don’t lie to me! If you tell me everything, I promise to go easy on you.”
Garou bent down eye leveled and look her in the eye.
“And I’ll know if you’re lying to me. Just tell me everything and I promise to go easy on you.”
He would be so surprised but so grateful. He would wrap you in his wings and give you a big hug. He would immediately fly her back home, have an all day cuddle session on the couch, and let her cry it out as she tells him everything.
Hawks would give her kisses, rub her back, let her lay on his chest, etc. He would let her babble on about how dreadful and horrific it was when she left him. Hawks would become so excited￼ with every word that left her lips.
In his mind, it was the same way as telling him that she will always stay by his side from now and no longer try to escape. From now on, she’ll be the best girlfriend she can be.
Hawks just smiled at her as he began to things of ways to secure their prison home so that his lover can’t escape so easily.
I don’t know who the artists are, I tried looking but couldn’t find anything. If anyone can find the artists, let me know so I can credit them.
My Hero Academia Characters as Mythological Creatures
👊Deku - Angel. Not only does he embody a lot of goodness, but he’s there to help people. He also has that classic cherub look to him.
💥Bakugo - Werewolf, because this boy is VOLATILE af. He’s outta control and very aggressive, but strong.
👟Iida - Boread. In mythology they were fated to chase after something, perishing if they didn’t catch it. I feel like it’s symbolic of not only him chasing after his brothers legacy, but also his quirk as well.
🥰Uraraka - Faery. I feel like she needs a cute pair of wings on her. I know Fae can be mischievous but I feel like she’s a dryad of sorts. The Fae is a sort of broad term, so I’m thinking more stereotypical for this (since I work with them in my craft) so that means she’d be all cute, pastel, helpful especially in the garden. Perfect for my sugarplum BB.
🪨Kirishima - Genie, I feel like he’d be reminiscent of genie from Aladdin (Disney speaking). I also can imagine the shenanigans that would ensue and I’m here for it.
⚡️Kaminari - Raiju, since not only does it have power over storms and by association electricity, it also is just very odd in its behaviour which totally screams Kaminari to me.
🎧Jiro - Tengu. I feel like she’s more solitary, for sure, and just wants to chill in a mountain forest and vibe. Also she has a certain darkness about her style and since Tengu are originally more crow like in appearance which I feel like can be like Jiro. Also she probs has a trickster side to her, especially when it comes to Denki.
🐸Froppy - Mermaid, in keeping with the aquatic theme. She prefers to be in water and I could see her as a swamp or freshwater type.
🔥❄️Todoroki - Dragon. I feel like not only obviously fire, but there can be ice dragons too (or at least water dragons) and he could be reclusive because of that. Also very pretty dragon.
📖Momo - Tsukumogami. A Japanese myth where objects come alive due to energy from the surroundings over a long time frame. Usually they’re harmless and I feel like since she makes objects out of her own energy in a way it’s similar (obviously reversed) and I could see her as harmless to the general public since she’s very soft and composed.
🥊Mina - TBFH imma go with Alien. I mean, she looks like she could be one and honestly I feel like she’s too hard to type as anything else because it goes way too nicely with extra terrestrial stories we get.
🧠Shinso - Kitsune, I feel like not only is he very intelligent and can almost shapeshift his personality in situations (usually to get a response from people). I also can see that he has a duality of not only good (his desire to prove he’s not a villain) but also mischievous and I feel like he likes to cause a bit of a ruckus sometimes.
🪶Hawks - Gryphon because not only is it a flying creature, but it’s also a very important symbol. It also symbolises strength and leadership, which I feel like fits him really well.
🩸Toga - Vampire. Not only is her quirk blood based, but she also has fangs and I feel like she’d definitely have a Twilight phase.
🔥Dabi - Phoenix, because not only are they usually paired with dragons (iykyk) but they turn themselves to ash to be reborn. Not only does his quirk slowly mess up his body, but given his tragic backstory it fits his character arc very well.
He positions himself underneath you, slowly maneuvering his big cock into your hole. You’re so damn tight that he has a hard time fitting the tip in, let alone his entire girth. He would pull your legs back with his strong arms, his forearms underneath your knees. Rubbing the tip on your clitoris to collect your slick, he finally is able to pull your legs up. He’s positioned on the bed on his back, and before you know it, he’s pounding into you hard. At first, your slick allows him to only go in halfway, but with your master flexibility and his strength, he’s able to shove his cock all the way to its hilt. He smiles from behind, and you can feel it caressing your neck as you look below to where you’re adjoined. He leaves small hickies on the back of your neck as he thrusts gently, his erect cock popping out ever so often due to the angle. “Come on, gorgeous, stretch yourself out some more for me?” You feel your legs being strained as he bucks his hips into you, repositioning you so your ankles are besides your head. Sliding his cock on your clit and into your pulsating hole, he feels the all too familiar throb of your pussy aching to cum. “I can feel you, baby.” He holds you in the signature headlock. You’re admiring the view of his massive member and the way his heavy balls bounce and tense up with each thrust. “I… I’m... “ He licks his lips. “I know, baby. You’re gonna cum hard for me. Now, let me fuck you the hardest.” He plants his feet on the bed at the most appropriate angle in order to hit your special spot. He’s aching to spill his seed inside, thrusting at top speed. Once he feels your walls clench, signalling your end, he bottoms out in your cunt. You watch diligently as his balls begin to tense as he’s releasing his load. You’re stretched out… Fucked out beyond compare. As soon as you feel the first spurt of his cum, you’re clenching down. Hard. You feel your muscles contract, milking his thick cock as his thrusts begin to slow. He releases your legs from his hold as his cock slips out. He’s kissing your neck with sweet passion as he rubs your clit from behind. “I’m…” He chuckles. “I know you’re sensitive, baby. How about one more for me?”
You're walking down the street, and Endeavor is patrolling today. Hawks decides to go along, anyway Endeavor, hardly gets rid of him anyway. It's a hot summer day and the sight you have before you that doesn't look like it is refreshing. Seeing two handsome heroes walk so gracefully as they fight crime makes you smile shyly, especially when you see the beautiful contrast of Endeavor's beautiful blue eyes and flaming hair.
His presence is intimidating, while Hawks bring additional comfort. But you look away as you approach. But... Don't expect any attitude, however small, to go unnoticed by these two.
You cross each other and your gaze is somewhere other than either of you. And your body even strayed a few feet before passing the talented heroes. When you pass by them you are just a "civilian"... That's what you would like, but... Your ears get something more...
"- Good afternoon! '' Hawks speak when crossing you, making a friendly gesture with his fingers while winking charmingly."
Enji however remains quiet, surprised by Hawks' attitude. You respond politely with a beautiful cherry face on your cheeks, and a smile, as you welcome Hawks' friendly gesture and quickly look at Endeavor.
Your steps are a bit far now.
"-Hey…Endeavor-San, how rude to even say good afternoon to the girl. Even more so when she smiled especially at you!" Teases Hawks.
You have already passed them and breathe a sigh of relief. But your beats are accelerated.
Enji, after Hawks' words, looks back and notices your figure.
Your hair in the sunlight is not something he can ignore. And who said that someone with the preparation of Endeavor, doesn't notice even the smallest movements of anyone? Your face and the slightly reddened color that slowly looked into Enji's eyes, covering your skin, was detected. Your shy smile was an added spice to behold. Although Enji tried his best to convince himself that it was nothing to him. But Hawks' words only confirmed his suspicion. But getting him to admit it was something else. "- Mind your own business Hawks."
"- I'm just trying to help Endeavor-San." Retorted the savior angel, with his hands on the back of his head and with the typical bored look towards the sky.
Your quirk was very different from a professional hero. You have the power to move small objects with your mind. And at home this makes your life practical, but it is not a quirk that can be used to save others. In your hands you have some packages, which, after passing by the ones what you admire so much, the now number one of the heroes, and the number two, makes you bring your stuff towards your chest, squeezing them, as if looking for protection. As you try to calm your heartbeat.
You live close to where the heroes are patrolling today. In fact in search of a specific clue, but that the enemy, who cannot be underestimated, knows how to hide. Hawks, like Endeavor, are now aware that they will only waste time if they remain there, but to ensure the population's tranquility they have to continue...
"- Endeavor-San, there's something coming from that side, let's go."
Endeavor would have noticed... But, what does Hawks know that he doesn't? So he go without resistance... The footsteps turn in the opposite direction...
Meanwhile, you arrive home, and set the packages on the table. The house needs fresh air, your window lets the beams of light in as for a moment you take your eyes off the beautiful blue in the sky and turn to your flowers that are in the window, they are thirsty. You, with the help of your gift, keep your objects in their proper places, but prefer to water the plants yourself.
The aroma, the colors, and everything else, is a therapeutic moment for your day. Your watering can in a turquoise color is pouring the liquid of life over your beloved plants. The sunlight reflected in the water droplets is a beautiful thing to behold. Today you seem to be more sensitive. It may be in response to the various moments you need to spend with yourself. But the learning of solitude was not in vain. It's a beautiful moment. You hum a tune as you tend your garden outside, by the window. The street is quieter, so everything contributes to making your moment simple and pleasant. Take care of something what can continue living, it's a pleasure to you. "How should a hero feel about saving a life?" Your thought asks. Lost in your little world, a charming smile welcomes you again.
"- Hello again miss. What beautiful flowers, don't you think, Endeavor-San?"
Hawks could be punched right now, but Enji wouldn't do something like that, not at this stage of his life, in front of you. "- Yes, it's a beautiful set of plants." Endeavor's head bobs in respect as he looks at you. The same beautiful sapphire eyes drown you.
"- Thank you, I hope the patrol it's going easy for you."
"- Oh how nice of you Miss?"... Ask Hawks, who personally liked you the moment he saw you, he feel people, good and bad ones. And seeing you look at Endeavor the same way he looked at him with respect, made him trust you right away.
Hawks knew it could be more than mere admiration. Since usually people judged Endeavor only for the mistakes, and never for the lives he saved, he knew it, that you were special. And your smile, especially at Enji in the previous encounter, awakened in him a "sense of duty" to introduce, Endeavor-San to you, properly.
"- I'm y/n."
"- Aah, yes, it's nice to meet you Y/n-Kun." Said Hawks.
"- Our patrol is running smoothly, thank you. It's just the heat that's scorching us. At least me."
Now towards Endeavor he says. "- Endeavor-San, you don't have a problem with the heat. Do you?" Enji feels Hawks nudge.
"- Yes it's not an issue to me." Said Enji. " With his communicative skills"...
Hawks doesn't hide his disappointed expression when looking at Enji. His face looking at Endeavor it's the essence of boredom.
You, realizing it, in an attempt to break the tension says.
"- Number one Endeavor-San and number two Hawks-San, it would be a pleasure to serve you some fresh lemonade."
On the outside you are centered and balanced, but on the inside you have a level F5 hurricane dancing with all your senses. Hawks' face lights up and he heads towards your door.
" - We don't want to bother you y/n-Kun." Speaks Enji with his amazing deep voice."
"-Please Endeavor-San, it will be a pleasure. And just call me y/n. Please." You seal with a smile.
"- Come on Endeavor-San, don't make fun of Miss y/n's fine manners. She invited us." So Enji goes to meet Hawks at your door. As you open it, you can see how tall, imposing and handsome Enji is. But your effort to keep yourself in a state of sanity is incredible. After all, who normally welcomes the two most important people in the country into their homes?
"- What a lovely home y/n."
"- Thank you, Hawks-San. Please have a seat, you too Endeavor-San."
"- No, just Hawks and Endeavor, please, no worries!"
Enji looks around. There are no signs of a family, or anyone other than you, taking up the space. You don't use your gift to do anything in front of them. You prefer to use your hands, again. The two thank you and sit down. Hawks is always breaking the silence while you answer, but Endeavor remains silent. You have your back to the table, but you are being watched.
You wash the fresh lemons and unhurriedly cut each one. The citrus aroma rises in the air. In your presence both Hawks and Enji feel something they forgot a long time ago. The feeling of peace. The sounds of objects delicately moved by your hands are different from the noises of explosions and screams and all the terror they need to witness constantly.
You finally open the fridge and get the ice water, and even Enji's lips smile discreetly at the sight of your ice-cold, kitten-shaped form. The glasses are beautifully decorated for a simple lemonade. The table is covered with a tablecloth with a soft strawberry print. The glasses with the refreshing juice are placed in front of them along with the pitcher. And cinnamon rolls are positioned together so they can be eaten.
"- I don't know if it's too sweet for you, but I think the lemonade matches the warmth of the cinnamon." You say joining them, justifying yourself.
"- You did much more than necessary y/n. Thank you very much." Said Endeavor, with a full sentence full of gratitude."
Hawks looked at him surprised, for finally he show some sympathy. "- Y-yeahh, I agree Endeavor-San, this is more than we deserve." Hawks says with a tender smile.
You thank them. And sipping from your own lemonade you, without looking them in the eye, responds. "- Well…You save people's lives, you deserve much more than this."
The absence of judgment. And the feeling that despite being heroes, they also have the opportunity to be seen as human beings, with the desire to help , make them feel relieved, of all the lives whether it's for time or any other reason, they've lost.
" - Is this your quirk? Y/n? To be someone so nice?" Asks Hawks...
You moving the ice in circles in number two's glass while smiling shows it's another thing. Looking at the little swirl in his lemonade, Hawks opens his eyes. Enji is watching.
"- What a cool quirk." Watch Hawks."
The lemonade was finished. Just like all cinnamon rolls. But... Let's not forget the little glances exchanged during the time when Hawks and Endeavor were with you. Enji's blues ran through your eyes, face, smile. What did you put in this drink, y/n???... You are poetry to the number one.
Enji's flames are directed, in the sense of wanting to extinguish, any cold that is inside or outside your being. And also the desire to know. "What would your texture be, your aroma? Your taste?"... Enji shakes his head at the sight without him being able to perceive his own intrusive thoughts arriving.
"- Ahhh, I'm pleased and grateful y/n, it was a pleasure to meet you. If you need anything, here's something. I know you won't share it with anyone, I trust you!" Hawks speaks, writing his number and handing you the paper with the series of numbers that many girls would want. But he knows, you're not just any girl and he is not the one that you wanted.
"- Oh, that's so kind of you, thank you, Hawks."
"- If you're in danger, don't hesitate, to let me know, ok?"
"- Of course, of course... Thank you again." Your gentle smile is welcoming to Hawks but hypnotic to Enji.
Accompanying them to your door you say goodbye. "- Thank you Hawks, Endeavor. Come back whenever you want fresh lemonade. Have a great patrol."
With that, they are gone... As you close the door, you lean back and whisper the words that echo in your mind...
"- We thank you for your hospitality y/n. Have a nice day, see you later." Said Enji.
"- See you later..."
"- You owe me one, and you know it's going to be expensive."
Your deep breath fills your lungs, which were tight before. The heroes are back on patrol, but Endeavor's senses are different... Slightly distracted. Hawks looks at his mentor, and smiles closing his eyes.
"- Stop pretending you're not on your knees, Endeavor-San."
"- You're very cheeky, breaking into a civilian's house like that."
"- It's going to be expensive, because I'll tell you... It's worth it!"
" - I just looked at her like any other person, like any civilian---."
Enji looks to Hawks with the hope of a boy who forgot he was a long time ago. "- When we saw her for the first time, you know... I saw you guys, exchange glances."
"- AS I WAS saying... I noticed the exchange of glances, and I left my feathers on her, without her noticing. As she passed us, and the best part is...her heartbeat accelerated."
"- But It could happen to anyone, it's not because of us Hawks."
"- AAANNND... before she crossed us... As my feathers when I saw her looking at you, detected vibrations totally different from when her eyes were on me. Whenever you looked at her or talked to her, the heart fluttered. It was a beautiful song. find such a melody it's a privilege Endeavor-San...Anyway, you owe me..."
"- Hawks you shouldn't do this with someone without their knowledge."
"- I know...But, it was for a good reason. Or are you a bad thing to put on her way?
After your shower, you try, but you can't hold back. With your phone in hand, you sigh, you just can't.
Enji, as he listen, has his beats to miss too. Your delicacy and kindness, would have the strength to break every bone in Endeavor's big and powerful body. Ahhh... He wants to hear this song composed just for him...
Hawks finishes going to his home...The sky... "- Bye bye, Endeavor-San."
The ringing of the message reaches Hawks' keen ears. As he reads, he smiles.
"- 👋🏻 Hello number two, lemonade lady here! Ps. I'm not in danger. Thank you."
Hawks immediately sends your contact to Enji. "- You owe me your life Endeavor-San. Here's the lottery number."
Looking at the series of numbers that will make it possible to talk to you again, makes Enji swallow hard. He can incinerate the strongest of enemies, but what defenses does he have against you?"... Why Fear Endeavor?... Don't you remember how to type anymore? What if... What if... ??? So many thoughts in his burning mind... But his fingers stiffen and there he does.
"- Good night Y/n, this is Endeavor. Hawks shared your contact, I hope you don't mind. I also want to make myself available for anything you need. Thank you for the fresh lemonade and all the rest."
Todoroki and Fuyumi are intrigued.
Now under the shower looking at the phone, Enji waits for an answer. The phone is out of the stall fogged up as water runs down Number One's tense body. But, he's never seen himself in such a great expectation.
After the shower, let's eat big guy… and yeah, he goes, but his eyes don't blink during dinner.
"- Y-yes." He says surprisely to be so obvious like this...
The father in total silence, which is common, but looking at his cell phone with his eyes practically dehydrated from not holding his eyelids together , it's something new."- Any important case from the agency?" Asks Todoroki, chewing the food that Enji hasn't even touched.
The brothers look at each other, as Enji's insecure answer is something new.
Well, you in your sweet home, was finishing the email to your boss 🙄, which took you ages. And your cell phone was in airplane mode so you could focus on work. At least you've tried…So... how to know that those eyes, flames, arms etc... that from time to time passed through your mind during your work, sent you a message?
Enji eats fast, brushes his teeth and lies down on his huge bed. A deep sigh invades him. "Does she already have someone? The monologue begins... Occasionally looking at other work messages, but always returning to your painful silence. Your arms stretch out, finally that damned email was sent... End was the end of your expedient.
..." He had send it hours ago... "
Bye bye airplane mode... "Wait....."...... "WHAT????" ..."Where is the air, how can I breathe??? "....
You want to regain your senses... Look at you y/n... What a mess, huh? The words you read, are they a dream?
You won't make him wait any longer.
Enji is seated now. It's late, normally he would be sleeping. But today, the peace he had found in your presence had forsaken him.
The blues in Enji's eyes stir, like the waters of a raging ocean... It 's YOU... Enji's strong chest is in rage...
He had gotten used to the sound of messages in the last few minutes, but it was Hawks' part that was reassuring Enji that everything was ok, that you would answer soon. But it definitely wasn't working. So Enji's eyes are on his wall, gazing into nothingness. But after so many messages from his friend resounding, he decides to look...
" - Hello Endeavor! It was a pleasure having you with me. Your company was extremely pleasant and thank you for your kindness in offering me help. I want to offer whenever you want lemonade or maybe tea... If you want, of course."
Enji, wonders how in just one day, you were able to melt his heart, more than any of the techniques he would use on an enemy.
The answer is quick, Enji won't have the luxury of missing the opportunity to hear a beautiful song as you.
You no longer have the strength to stand up and sit on your couch as you read his words. With one of your hands over your mouth. Your chest rises and falls... But you make an effort.
"- Yes, for sure, I would like to repeat the great moment we had during the afternoon."
Enji now, has an expression that you wouldn't allow anyone to see, not even you.
"- I also enjoyed… a lot."
"- Would tomorrow be too early?"
...YES....he wants to cause you to have a heart attack.
"- Tomorrow would be perfect." ...
"- I'll be there. Thank you y/n. Have a great night."
"- Anytime. For you too, sweet dreams."
Enji doesn't usually have sweet dreams... And needless to say, none of you slept.
Expectation was what hung in the air.
Hawks was constantly looking for answers, but as Enji didn't answer his messages back, Hawks just used the hack system he had installed on "Endeavor-San's cell phone, for his protection." ... Hawks don't know the word limits...
"- Uhulllllllll, a date!!! Good shot Endeavor-San hahaha." He sends.
This time, Enji sent a voice message to Hawks, with unflattering words, after discovering he was hacked.
Hawks doesn't even listen, he just feels satisfaction for his friend. Spinning around the air Hawks feel like the cupids himself…
The sun rises.
You've provided several things this time, to try to find out what Endeavor likes most. And finally, your perfume on you, to finish off your look. A beautiful dress that draws your body lines.
You have dark circles under your eyes, so you obligate yourself go back to bed and take at least a nap to try to restore some of your vivacity. And after thousands of beauty rituals, skin care, hair, nails and etc...etc... You are ready to receive him.
Enji didn't say anything about it, but let everyone envolved on his work know in advance not to bother him at the time he would be "very busy"...
Three knocks on your door, the time is set, and punctually answered. When you open it, you simply marvel even more than you see. There are no flames or uniforms. Just a wonderful man, a shirt that highlights the handsome muscles he possesses and a pair of jeans that outline the beautiful marble legs. You can see his face with no flames. And it's just so adorable.
As he reenters your home he turns to your beautiful figure.
"-Hello Endeavor! Glad you came."
You intoxicate him with your smile in return.
"- I would never miss it. And today I would like to ask you to call me just Enji... please, y/n.
His name uttered by the your lips is even more beautiful. In the hero's wide hands, you see that he didn't come empty handed. He has a beautiful vase of flowers. Your eyes visualize all the beautiful colors dancing with each other.
"- I hope you like it, y/n." He extends the gift to you." Your smile widens even more.
"-Oh, I loved it! How kind of you, thank you, Enji! Your excited eyes made him smile inside. Something so simple causes you such a reaction. He is thirsty to know everything about your personality.
You place the vase in a centered place so that it is seen as something important. And he notices from afar.
"- Today I made more than lemonade, I want to know which of these you prefer."
Turning to the lovingly prepared table he feels appreciated, Enji returns to your beautiful eyes.
"- Whatever you want to know, I'll tell you." You stare at each other for a few moments, because you both feel it's not about food…the tension in the air increases. The attraction is incredible, but you are pleasantly and painfully exploring yourselves.
Enji get the seat and starts to eat everything on the table. And he reveals that he likes salty food, but that everything you've prepared is delicious.
You talk about your lives and little by little you start to relax in each other's company.
You don't even get an idea... But, every toast with a blackberry jam you put in your mouth, coloring it, makes Enji's mind go wild. He admires your lips. Your gestures, the street tone of your voice. It's like he puts it next to the menu for tasting.
And in one of the sentences, you both talk about Hawks, laughing about it. And with that you two realize how much you identify.
Enji was holding back, but he doesn't need to anymore... The low table allows him to "crawl" towards you.
Your heart it's messing with you again as you see him doing THIS...
In a sweet whisper now on his knees before you he thanks you. Placing his hands on your cheeks and holding your gaze on his, you always look away, but he doesn't allow you this time, you can feel the warmth of Enji's calloused hands. You are silent.
You place your hand over his and look at him fondly. Enji approaches slowly, as if handling a porcelain vase of the oldest dynasty, and gently touches his lips to yours.
Repeated pecks are started, until Enji reciprocates the feast to you... By opening his lips and joining them to yours he kisses you. It's a rhythmic kiss, which becomes wet.
The mixture of flavors, the smell of the exchanged breaths are the main course. Enji takes you in his arms, not removing his lips from yours, as you wrap the number one's strong neck in your firm grip. Enji, take a deep breath, you too. He sits comfortably with you on the couch and entwines his fingers in your hair. As you do the same with his beautiful red hair. He has strong arms covering you like a blanket. But the number one it's the one who has a warm is his heart.
You didn't imagine that the previous stern look, could be so affectionate. Gently running your fingers over Enji's scar you exchange your fingertips for soft kisses all over his face and especially on the scar he has. You hear him moan softly. While his eyes are closed, Enji lets himself be carried away by any of your lovely and caring movements.
The kiss stops while you are on Enji's lap. He leans his forehead on yours and caresses your face, while showing you a drunken look. Enji's thumb explores your lips. "- You're wonderful, y/n." A sweet whisper...
And with the call of the sound, you go back to Enji's lips, which incandescently kiss you back. The hug is getting tighter and tighter. You love to suffocate in the heat of Enji Todoroki.
"- It's not fair to me y/n, you to smell so good like this."
He painfully separates from your lips. And he glues his nose to your neck.
Between whispers and confessions, you ask with no strength inside of you.
"- Why dear?"
"- Someone else could feel it, I can't support this idea."
"-hmmm… Not like you can Enji." Your answer only stirs him up.
"- Damn, I want it all for myself. I want your taste, I want your essence, and I want to give you my all. Be my y/n, only mine." He says looking at you seriously, while looking for an answer between the sweet overdose of affection that messes with him.
And kissing your neck while breathing hotly, he whispers.
You chuckle gently. "-Everything you touch right now is yours...Enji…And it will be."
"- So be it, I will ensure that your entire being belongs to me."
Bonus: Cupid Hawks heard it all ... and is giggling to himself, as he flies around town with his headphones connected to Endeavor-San's cell phone.... It's music to his ears...
Having to break up with your boyfriend after he turned into a villain? But of course his heart still beats for you so one night he breaks into your apartment in hope of getting a piece of your sweet ass🔥
Thinking of Bakugou, Kirishima, Shouto, Hawks, Fatgum or Dabi💕 ALL CHARACTERS AGED UP
”Take off your clothes.” He repeated. His tone was now serious but you knew that even if he was a violent man, he’d never actually force himself on you.
”Still with that?” He answered in a rather demeaning way.
You didn't have any other plans on how to defy him other than what you were already doing. So all you could do was to hope that standing your ground would be enough to make him give up.
You should’ve known better.
He showed you that familiar arrogant grin of his and forcefully grasped your hair, causing you to shriek in response. Swiftly, his hand slid under your nightgown while keeping his eyes nailed on yours.
”N-no, stop..!” You cried out as you felt him move aside your panties and thrust two fingers inside of you, feeling your walls as if your body was still his property.
His lips tugged into a toothy grin as he now pulled his fingers out which were soaked in your juices.
”What's this?” He asked in a husky, aroused voice while bringing his hand up for you to take a good look at your own slick glistening on his thick digits.
You swallowed and turned your gaze away, heat spreading across your face as you felt humiliated how your body exposed your true desires and your longing feelings for him. He yanked your hair again and forced you to look at him.
y/n: I’m legitimately confused on wether you’re a famous person or not
Hawks: my subreddit has 23.5k and Adele only has 1.8k so...
#source: pukicho #bnha hawks x reader #hawks x y/n #bnha hawks #hawks x reader #hawks #takami keigo x y/n #keigo takami x reader #keigo takami #incorrect buko no hero academia #incorrect buko no hero academia quotes #incorrect y/n quotes #incorrect mha quotes #incorrect bnha quotes #incorrect my hero academia quotes #incorrect bnha
⚠️TRIGGER WARNING: Contains thoughts and actions related to depression and suicide.
The tops of the city’s buildings look like bright thorns trying to poke the night sky. I can understand it. Those who find nothing they need on the ground might as well try and search for something else above them. But there are also the ones like me, who had already accepted that we are all meant to fall at some point, from whatever level we have reached. When you acknowledge that, it doesn't really matter if the fall will hurt or not.
This is how I feel as I lean over the edge of the building.
It's not like the idea had hit me as soon as I saw the building through the bus window. It was at some point between climbing the wall of old bricks with vines growing here and there, and reaching the terrace after going up the stairs with missing steps. These thoughts always come in the strangest of times, like a sudden glow that doesn’t bring a gentle light, only the promise that things will get better this way. It’s almost comforting.
It’s colder in here than I though it would be. The wind seems to be getting stronger, pushing me sometimes forward, sometimes backwards, as if not even the world knows what to do with me.
I yank off the mask covering my mouth and nose and take a deep breath once, twice. My air is visible in the dark for a moment, with the faint light coming from Fukuoka city right in front of me. It's not a panic attack, it would be ridiculous to have one now when everything is so calm.
It usually looks like a storm. One that only I can see, hear and feel. I can’t quite remember when it started, but it wasn't that strong at first. But time passed, and the clouds started to get darker, making it unbearable to do anything with it in my head, distorting every image, every memory and every word, leaving everything too confusing to understand how I was feeling. It was easier to pretend that nothing was happening, and that there was nothing that needed to be felt. I forced myself to believe it as I tried to silence everything in my head that screamed otherwise, looking for reasons to get one foot out of bed. But after a while, you realize that there is no reason. And if it ever existed, it has already been blown away by the first gust of wind.
There's no reason to move around while waiting, in vain, for something that even you don't know what it is. Why fight something that will never change? Why keep trying to get your feet out of the mud, waiting for something to return the effort?
When I exhale again, the air comes out raggedly, and a hiccup follows soon after. It doesn't make sense, because I don't feel like crying. I don't feel like feeling anything, not even fear, but I wouldn't call it peace either.
My face must be terrible right now. Still I run a hand over it, wiping my eyes the best way I can. I've never heard stories of anyone worrying about their physical appearance at times like this. And what's the use? What was the use of worrying about it all these years? My body might explode against the concrete, or by a miracle I might survive and suffer excruciating pain until it's finally over. They might never be able to recognize my body, or maybe no one will look for me, thinking I just went away when things got bad. I don't care. I wouldn't be here if it bothered me.
No. How it ends. What comes next is the real issue for everyone, even if I won’t be here to see it. I’ll be leaving someone behind anyway…No. Don't think about it or I’ll change my mind. And for what? Why should I step back?
I've always been selfish. Why not be until the end?
I look down at what appears to be a big black hole below me. No vertigo, no signs of dizziness are felt in my body, and the adrenaline has worn off half a few minutes ago. The tears keep falling though, but for no reason, as if they weren't mine. As if they were someone else's... maybe someone I wish I had been.
Looking ahead, the city remains the same. Shining and making all sorts of sounds that an ordinary city makes.
My only regret is that I never actually walked its streets, or absorbed more than just the air in my room, from the inside of a car or a bus, or from the people that came in and out from the shop. I wish I had been someone different, someone ordinary, without storms or mud. And I tried. I tried to do things differently, going unnoticed when my head got too violent, and begging to breathe without feeling pain.
But nothing changed. Ever. No matter how much I pleaded.
I crush the mask in my hands before throwing it with all my might away, letting out a grunt. By a miracle and reflex, I don't slip forward after losing my balance. The mask falls, disappearing into that darkness beneath my feet.
And the city is still there. Oblivious to everything outside its most crowded places. Everyone has more to worry about than people alone on top of roofs of abandoned buildings. It's like the world has forgotten about me in the midst of this entire existence. But it's not like I've given it many reasons to remember me.
I wish the reason I came up here was different though. One where this sight wasn't the last thing I'd see. Maybe that way it would be less sad to see something so…beautiful.
As always, I can destroy anything, any experience, anything good that comes in my life.
This wasn't the change I wanted, but it looks like is the only one I'm worth of getting. The only one that everyone in the world is sure they will get someday. So why wait any longer? The way out of this is praying my next shot will be easier to leave with.
I approach the edge, and it feels like moving through the mud for the first time in ages.
"...look, I don't know if there is a perfect spot to look at the city, but if I had to make a list, this one would be in fourth or fifth place..."
I stop with one foot on the parapet and the other one hanging in the air. I know the voice is that of a man, and the words are in Japanese. It's calm, almost lazy, but not that tiring to hear.
"...you can see a bit of the sea, and over there on the right, with the yellow and green billboard, there's this restaurant. And let me tell you, it's really good. Believe me, I've been there twice"
I place both feet together on the ground before turning around halfway. There's a darker shadow in contrast to the night, leaning against the wall of the old water tank near the space where the stairs reach the top of the building.
"And of course, there's the big tower right over there" He points to what I believe is Fukuoka Tower right behind me. He ends the next sentence with a dismissive wave of his hand "...a bit overrated if you ask me, but I think it's worth a third place in my ‘Best Views in the World’ list, ‘Cause why not, right? No one said I couldn’t judge places only I can see. That might not be fair, but feels good to have a secret that is not actually a secret. It’s just a truth that no one has discovered yet. Anyway, you ever visited there?”
It's as if we're not on top of a building, but on the street, talking safely. Did he even realize what I was trying to do? And how long has he been there? I know I didn't see anyone when I arrived. Why else would I have stayed otherwise?
"Sorry...it's just that I...I don't understand Japanese very well" I say, forcing my accent as hard as I can on my English "...would...would you mind leaving for a second ? I... I want to be alone"
He leans off the wall and takes one slow step ahead. His figure becomes more distinguished from the rest, and I can see a bit of his hair, and a bag he’s carrying on one arm.
"And what are you going to do if I leave?" He responds, in English this time. Oh, of course.
As for what I’m planning to do, is the kind of thing I wouldn't do in front of a stranger. It's not a mystery, especially considering where we are right now. He knows I might not do it as long as he stays, and for that, he’s right...he might be.
I turn around and grab a part of the rusty fence, cool to the touch. This seems to awake something in this stranger, as I hear his footsteps coming closer to where I stand slowly. I fight the urge to yell at him to stop while I grip the fence tighter, heating the metal with my palm.
His next words have a different tone, almost unnoticeable. It's still lazy, but...more urgent.
"If you really wanted that, you'd have done it by the sixth floor. Instead you went up three more. My guess, you don't really want it, but you still haven't figured out a reason to stay neither. Or maybe, you think the answer lies here"
He finally reaches the parapet and climbs on top of it to stand beside me, turning his body so he can face me directly, though I just keep gazing at the city. He doesn't seem to mind the height either. Maybe he thinks this will be over soon, and that's why he doesn't mind staying.
"And maybe you’re right. The reason might be around here somewhere. But you won’t get to see it if you jump. This is not your only option."
It's always the same stuff. The same delicate words. I don't need to see his face to know that he, too, has the same expression I've seen every time someone thought they could help me. It was all in vain. The more they tried to pull me out of the mud, the more I seemed to sink, sometimes even bringing some to my own misery. It was a vicious cycle, they come, they try to help, they get a taste of the Storm, and then they finally leave, sometimes after a long time, sometimes because I shove reality in their faces.
I don't want to accept his help because I don't need it anymore. I don’t want a new perspective, I just want to be alone right now. Alone with whatever is left of me. But I don't have time for him to realize that.
I put a fist against my forehead and then rub my face, forcing out the frustration that is clear in my voice when I finally speak.
"And who are you to be sure of that hum? What are you trying to be here? A hero?" I place both hands on my own neck and sight while looking up.
“Quit it, seriously. I don't want to have to listen to it any more, specially from someone who’s just pretending they get it. Look, if you don't want to look like a suspect just because you were at the wrong time and place. So just go!" I stretch one arm towards the stairs, returning his gaze for the first time.
His hair is messy, and it seems like there’s something around his neck. He’s a bit shorter than me too.
"...I can wait" I finish. The tears are still pouring, and my breathing is hitching a bit. How am I supposed to convince him to leave like this?
"I'm sorry, but I’m not leaving until I make sure you’re okay”
"I am fine, okay? You can go now."
A few more seconds of silence pass without either of us moving. I can try to jump now, but I don't know if he will try to catch me and end up falling too. Despite being rude with him, I know he just wants to help, and that’s why I don’t want him to waste our time. It’s a lost cause, and as soon as he realizes that…well…the better.
"...you're right about one thing though..." He begins "...I'm a nobody right now. I'm probably not even acting like a real hero too. I'm not someone who knows what you need. But I can help you find out if you let me. So why don’t you explain it to me? Maybe it could help clear a few things for both of us. Tell me why you thought this was the answer. What made you come up here, so far from anything? What are you trying to escape from?”
I want to scream, but at the same time I don’t see a reason to do it. It’s there, I can feel it, but It’s like trying to light up this building almost falling to pieces with the light of the city that is so far from us. Instead, I bend my knees very slowly until I’m completely sat. I've lost the will to try and chase him away. Clearly, he doesn’t want to give up.
"Usually that's why I come here y’know? To try and see things from a different point of view. One that can expand my eyesight. Sometimes I believe I can even see the future for a brief moment"
"Sorry...didn't mean to invade your crystal ball"
"I don't know if I would call it a crystal ball. I prefer the term ’domain’. I like the way it sounds. But that’s fine, I forgive your trespassing attempt” He chuckles. I just exhale through my nostrils with a tiny, crooked smile.
Now he must think he's walking on less shaky ground, and I would have thought the same once, but now it's too confusing to differ a genuine reaction from a rehearsed one. This quickly rips the crooked smile from my face.
He sits down lazily.
"Look, one thing that I learned is that this world is a crazy selfish thing. It goes ‘round and ‘round faster than we’d like, and it expects everyone else to follows its pace without complaining, even if you lose the chance to say what you want or do what you want as a consequence. But there are sometimes when you just go to a certain spot and everything changes. I’ve found this spot in here, being above everything without anyone noticing…” He traces an arc in the air with his palm, which appears to be covered in a glove "...like the world stopped the moment you sat foot in this place" He sound a bit tired in that last sentence "It won’t do that for you in real life, but, that's why I think you should enjoy a moment like this, when everything seems to be still in place, and you can say whatever you want. No one will hear"
"But...you're still staying...aren't you?"
I didn't mean to sound disappointed this time. It's just the tiredness, the cold, my face, that I insist on cleaning, and the blood pounding in my ears.
"Yes” It seems like he’s disappointed as well. I don’t know if it’s with me, or himself, or the world “But I'm not going to insist you tell me anything you don't want to. I mean, I'm not a psychologist, I'm just a random guy who showed up here in this building at the same time you did. It doesn’t have to mean anything you don’t want to. Scream, curse, take down this fence until the roof is clear. I believe you shouldn't hide something when you're in a place high like this one"
Once again the wind blows, and his last sentence keeps echoing in my mind. I imagine the words coming out of my mouth and being carried away by the wind, while I hope that everything else goes along, to a place far away from me, and never come back. I know that won't happen for real, but feels good to think about it. A confession might not redeem me, but maybe it will assure me that this is the only right thing, like I suspected.
"Or we could go somewhere else. It gets pretty cold here around dawn" He’s really doing his best to get me out of here, right? It makes me feel sorry for him somehow.
I pull my knees against my chest.
“Have you ever felt like you’ve been chasing something, and you can’t picture what anymore, but is the only way you learned how to get by, and now I just seems like you’re running in circles?”
“Moving is not the same as progressing when you don’t know where you’re heading. In this case, yes. Everyone has felt like this before. But tell me, if leaving like this has brought you nothing, why not try to make things differently? Starting by the way you think, maybe?”
Because it won’t lead to anything but the same place you started. Living for me is a constant fight against what makes me want to bang my head against a wall and pushing the urge away as much as I can until it comes down all at once. And then I have to do t all over again. It’s tiring, stressful, and never goes away no matter the amount of times I look on the bright side. It’s stuck inside me, and I can’t get it off. Slowly but surely people will notice it, and they’ll try to help me. That’s the part that hurts the most.
“And what if you’re not worthy of this?”
“Why would you think that?”
“Because no matter how much you try to change things, they just keep turning back to what they were. You get better, and then everything gets worse. And it hurts. Not only for me, but for other people as well. And it's unbearable to watch it without being able to do anything, knowing it's all my fault" My arms are shaking. Saying it out loud is harder than I remember.
"It can't be all your fault, y-"
"Yes it is!” It feels funny, and sad. To let things out does this to you. But that doesn’t mean it’s good “You think I didn’t try to change my mind over and over and over again? Why would I have come here tonight if I wasn’t sure of the answer?”
"To think. To think of another solution” He gestures to the darkness below us “That's never the only answer. You can still do the right thing"
This is the right thing. He just doesn’t know because he hasn’t been around long enough to see the pattern. There is nothing to be done right here anymore. Everything is too broken for that, and it seems like everyone always chooses to ignore it but me.
And he’s no different from the others. I should have noticed sooner.
"Let me be straight here..." I turn part of my body to him "I’ve heard those same words a million times before, and I can tell you that there is no ‘do the right thing’. What is right for me hurts someone else. What I do for other hurts me too. In the end that’s the only thing I ever do. I mess up absolutely everything”
"I'm sure that's not true. Villains are the ones who mess up everything. And you don't look like a one"
"Oh, really? Because I've only lived with two people my whole life, and still I managed to make their lives hell just by being there...One of them died today, and I know he never managed to be truly happy... it was always because of me...me and this weight that was born with me and I can’t get rid of…” It’s a cruel irony, but he wouldn't notice it. He doesn't know the whole story. I change my tone without noticing, and my voice becomes softer "...it’s like…like I can’t do anything for anyone for real…like a bird in a cage... that doesn't know what it takes to get out"
He straightens his back and turns his face to look up at me at those words, as if he's only hearing them now. I repeat the same words in my head and start to laugh.
"God…I've never said that before. It sounds like a line from a bad dramatic poem hehe" He stays as quiet as a grave "Oh come on. You’re shutting up now? You can laugh too. I know it's stupid"
He makes a sound with his tongue and takes a deep breath.
"I don't think it's stupid..." he starts getting up from the edge"...and if I'm being honest with you, and myself, then you're probably talking to the person who best understands what is like to be a bird in a cage"
He doesn't move to try to touch my arm or comfort me. At this point he’d probably be trying to hug me, telling me pretty things, drawing a future full of empath and love, but the only way I know he's still here is by his voice, which hasn't changed an octave since he's appeared. Am I hallucinating? Is he an ilusion? If so then...
"Oh, but of course you understand..." At such times, people always understand a lot, hallucination or not. I chuckle.
I look up, and realize how far I've always been from reaching the sky, even though it was falling above my head.
"So why don’t you tell me what it's like, please?" I walk past him without stepping down to the safe part of the roof, and start walking with both arms outstretched across the bare part of the parapet.
I don't care if I slip, and I hope he understands that. It could happen anytime, and I would be welcoming it all with open arms.
"Do you feel trapped in some way? Maybe inside your own head? Does everything around you makes you so scared and hopeless that you can barely get out of bed in the morning? Do you deal with what you can, but it never seems to get you anywhere?" My arms drop to my sides.
I stopped walking because a part of the steel fence is right in front of me, leaning to the side opposite to the edge. I grab it and turn it slightly to the other side. It wasn’t being by anything on the parapet anymore, so it just goes willingly in the direction I pull it, until it finally breaks free from another part that has been holding it in place for god knows how long. One second there was a rusty and cold fence ahead of me, and now only the remains of one have stayed. The other half fell and fell until it finally crashed against the concrete with a loud thud. It echoes through the building and its parking lot. It feels like it echoes through me too for a second, reminding me that in a few seconds the next thud will come from my body down there. The shaking gets worse.
"Look, I know what you're trying to do here. But you also said I need to fix things. And that's what I was trying to do…” I feel it coming again, stronger than when I arrived. I just want it to be over. Could the world have a little compassion and let me get it done once and for all? Can this man be that merciful? “…so could you by the heavens just go awa-" I was about to shout at him until he leaves, but…
I turn around, and see a new silhouette forming behind the boy's back. It's graceful, and seems to be quite light. It takes me a second to understand where they came from.
Now he has the coat he was wearing dangling from one arm, and his bag propped up in the other. Little pieces that look like made of paper are coming out of it, and one by one, they go to his back, attaching to one another like pieces of a puzzle, and forming...
Wings...he has wings...he has...feathers.
"Want to know something funny about life?" He starts after all the...feathers...quit coming from the bag “Words never mean the same thing to everyone. The meaning depends on the one hearing"
He leaves the edge with a little jump, and holds out a hand to help me down. The wings rustle like leaves.
Everything starts to get mixed up. The outline of his body, the lights, the buildings. Everything seems to spin...except the wings.
"Hey kid! Are you alright?"
"The wings...you have...wings...you have..."
I feel sick, and my head is throbbing.
My vision darkens, and I feel a gust of wind rushing through my body out of nowhere, until the ground disappears beneath my feet.
"Shit" I hear someone saying, but I don't recall who it could be.
The sound of everything is muffled by the wind, but my heartbeat is clearly hammering in my ears. And that rustling, so soft...and so fast...
I know this is going to sound like one of those playlist comments about dealing with bad feelings and thoughts from Youtube, but I think it would be nice to write something like that in here. I've heard a lot of songs and read a lot of comments and some articles and books talking about sensitive issues, and somehow they seem to help me understand things a little. I'm sorry if these words don't make the slightest difference in your life, but I want to try and do something for someone who may be needing to hear this.
First of all, if this chapter triggered any bad feelings in you, I am deeply sorry. The last thing I want is for someone to feel hurt because of something I did. Maybe I'm having high expectations, but I think suicide is not a topic that can be treated inconsequentially, one way or another.
I believe talking to someone about how you feel can help, even if not completely, but some of the weight you feel every day might ease a little, because some of that weight is contained in your silence. Of course, the big problem is finding someone you can trust to do this, and unfortunately, not everyone has good people around them. I really want to be optimistic and think that this is not the case for some of the people who have read this, but let's face it, there isn't a single human being on this planet who is really okay with life.
If you feel this way, even if you haven't checked with a doctor or a therapist, please talk to someone you believe you can trust, or call a suicide prevention hotline. Maybe you think you don't deserve to talk to anyone or any sort of help, but when it comes to the point of struggling to find a reason to keep going, something that you wouldn't wish on the person you hate the most, then you clearly deserve to be heard.
Another thing: if someone happens to say that you have no reason to feel unmotivated or worse, well, I would kindly tell that person to eat shi* and fuck of*. The world is too big and life is too short for you to let someone else decides the way you must feel about something. If you don't feel well, it's not up to anyone but yourself to know. But be patient, because these people must have a different idea of what pain means, and that's their problem, not yours, so don't be hurt by it.
And finally, if you find the behavior of someone close to you strange and you are worried about them, do a little research about the subject on the internet and through conversations with experts. I know it's horrible to think that someone you care about is hurting, but sometimes there's no way to help it. Be there for that person, show that you care, even if it's just a suspicion.
Well. I sincerely hope this made a little difference. If you wish to, you can talk to me too. I'd be happy to listen! I don't want you to get hurt, because no one deserves to feel so bad that they want to end their own life. Life is not just the bad things you think about yourself or about the world, but you have to stay here to see it. You have to stay and do things that will make you feel happy again.
It doesn't matter if someone says otherwise, life can be good, even if you want to scream sometimes (and it's fine to scream, I do it a lot...wait, what?).
Maybe I'll say more things later on, but for now, get this mooncake🥮
And to add to that, take this =self-care ticket= 🎟😁