Me, Flood and the cowardly assistant wait in the Tahoe seemingly forever, and then The Tech Titan casually appears, walking confidently with a swagger toward the truck. He hops in the back seat with a smile on his face.
Flood: What happened? What happened??
The Tech Titan: I used the toilet and bought the bikers a round of drinks.
Me: You what?
The Tech Titan: Bought them a beer. I saw a gas station at the end of town. Drive us there now.
This dude has lost his marbles.
Two minutes later …
The Tech Titan: Does this Tahoe take regular or premium?
The Tech Titan (to his assistant): Fill it up with premium.
The lowly assistant begrudgingly complies.
The Tech Titan: Floody buddy, do you have your motorcycle helmet?
The Tech Titan: Sunglasses?
Flood: Just these Ray Bans.
Without another word The Tech Titan hops out of the truck and disappears into the gas station market. He emerges a couple of minutes later with a styrofoam ice chest and bag full of goodies. He’s got ice, and it looks like he just raided the refrigerated drinks section in a scattershot way … Red Bull, Coke, Root Beer, Topo Chico, some Fiji water, and a couple of bags of chips.
He hands Flood a pair of wrap-around sunglasses, the kind that only truckers wear and can only be found at rural fuel stations next to the American Flag baseball caps and “Lets Go Brandon” t-shirts.
Flood (referring to the sunglasses): What are these for?
The Tech Titan: For the bike. We’ll get you a helmet in the next big city.
Me: What exactly are you planning?
The Tech Titan (ignoring my question now): I saw a hardware store a couple of blocks back. Let’s go.
We park in front of the hardware store. Flood and The Tech Titan hop out, while the assistant and I stay in the Tahoe with the motor running. I can see The Tech Titan and David Flood getting into a heated discussion. Flood keeps shrugging his shoulders like he’s trying to decipher The Tech Titan’s plan. The Tech Titan is a man on a mission like I’ve never seen before. I can see him speaking very sternly to Flood and poking him in the middle of his chest with his finger. Then The Tech Titan grabs Flood by the shirt sleeve and they march into the hardware store.
What the fuck is this guy up to??
The curiosity is killing me. I order the assistant to sit behind the wheel and threaten with ACTUAL DEATH if the little coward speeds off in my Tahoe leaving us all there hanging. Inside I find The Tech Titan and Flood in the farm supplies section with the shopkeeper.
The Tech Titan: We need 120 feet of half inch braided steel cable, a bunch of nicopress swags, and a quick release pin.
The Shopkeeper: What er you boys building?
The Tech Titan: A tow cable.
The Shopkeeper: Well heck, we got tow cables here.
The Tech Titan (looking at me in all of my bandages): My friend here tumbled his quad bike, and it’s way out in a field, so we need a custom cable to get it out of there.
The Shopkeeper: I see what you boys is up to. Heck, I’ll swag some loops into the ends of that cable for you.
The Tech Titan: You’re too kind sir. A loop at both ends please, big enough to fit over a tow hitch, and a quick release pin just in case that sucker gets stuck.
The Shopkeeper: I gitcha. I gitcha. Leave it to me.
A couple of minutes later, the three of us walk out of the hardware store with 120 feet of tow cable, duct tape and a pair of bolt cutters in hand.
I still have no fucking clue what this Swedish Meatball is up to, but Flood has the Dangerous Dave smirk on his face. Some shit is about to go down, and The Tech Titan has Flood’s full buy-in.
Trying to knock out a little self-indulgent thing before we get on the road in the morning to go back home to Ohio. Easier said than done, as per usual.
Tbh, I always feel sad the night before about leaving even though I've been down in Tennessee SO much.
This trip (at least the first half) felt a little different this time around due to there being a funeral, but it was still a nice time for the most part.
I really think I may end up moving down here when I have more of my shit together, especially due to the fact my big sister lives here as well as my two older nieces.
Only time will tell, I suppose.
Sitgreaves National Forest, Arizona: 20 (previous record 21 1969)
Unincorporated Cleburne County, Arkansas: 33 (previous record 34 2013)
Auburn, California: 34 (also 34 1925)
Akron, Colorado: 21 (also 21 1950)
Unincorporated Park County, Colorado: 9 (previous record 10 1963)
Roosevelt National Forest, Colorado: 13 (previous record 17 2018)
Routt National Forest, Colorado: 11 (previous record 13 2013)
Unincorporated Sterling County, Colorado: 20 (previous record 21 1907)
Unincorporated Washington County, Colorado: 20 (previous record 21 2002)
Unincorporated Washington County, Colorado: 17 (previous record 18 2018)
White River National Forest, Colorado: 18 (previous record 22 2018)
Arco, Idaho: 19 (previous record 20 2002)
Unincorporated Blaine County, Idaho: 25 (also 25 2009)
Riggins, Idaho: 29 (previous record 30 1976)
Salmon National Forest, Idaho: 29 (previous record 30 2004)
Paxton Township, Illinois: 29 (also 29 1996)
Cedar Rapids, Iowa: 29 (previous record 31 1968)
Muscatine, Iowa: 29 (previous record 30 1972)
Goodland, Kansas: 22 (also 22 2002)
Unincorporated Greeley County, Kansas: 24 (also 24 2013)
Marysville, Kansas: 15 (previous record 31 2002)
Pierceville Township, Kansas: 28 (also 28 1978)
Unincorporated Thomas County, Kansas: 23 (previous record 25 2002)
Pettis Township, Missouri: 31 (also 31 1968)
Unincorporated Powder River County, Montana: 19 (previous record 22 1967)
Unincorporated Cheyenne County, Nebraska: 14 (previous record 16 2002)
Unincorporated Hitchcock County, Nebraska: 25 (also 25 2002)
Nebraska National Forest, Nebraska: 30 (also 30 2013)
Navajo Lake State Park, New Mexico: 28 (also 28 1964)
Watford City, North Dakota: 17 (previous record 18 2002)
Calvert Peak summit, Oregon: 29 (also 29 2014)
Hill City, South Dakota: 15 (also 15 2002)
Rosebud Indian Reservation, South Dakota: 24 (previous record 25 1980)
Kodachrome Basin State Park, Utah: 18 (previous record 21 1994)
Manti-La Sal National Forest, Utah: 15 (previous record 16 1991)
Randolph, Utah: 14 (previous record 16 2013)
Unincorporated San Juan County, Utah: 21 (previous record 22 2008)
Unincorporated Albany County, Wyoming: 12 (also 12 1950)
Battle Mt. summit, Wyoming: 20 (previous record 22 2000)
Medicine Bow National Forest, Wyoming: 5 (previous record 6 1997)
Mountain View, Wyoming: 15 (previous record 16 2021)
Claude Montana Spring/Summer, 2001 Ready-to-Wear
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