ahhhhhh hfuck. fuck. bad. bad situation.
#so i don't really terf out irl because regardless of the fact that i despise gender ideology with every fibre of my being i feel like i have #enough critical thinking skills to understand that some people go along blindly with genderism because by virtue of it being an ideology #it permeates society and conceals itself enough to make itself have sense to the unquestioning masses #that is to say that some people on the internet = bad and the ideology = bad and the systemic erasure of women because of it = bad and #regressive. however. i do go outside. and i've met some bad trans people and some good ones. who i think sometimes are legit just... #brainwashed. and coping with dysphoria. shitposts aside i really do have empathy for that and i ''respect'' my friends' pronouns. #also to avoid arguments i guess. even though i am pretty vocal about my radical feminist views and i even gave some food for thought to one #of my gender trender friends (who is a gay male) about pornography and sex ''work'' and we have had constructive discussions about that too #i'm just... not rude irl. that's it. but anyways. one of my friends is a nonbinary tif and she's actually pretty chill. also refers to #herself as a girl sometimes and has acknowledged some fucked up things in gender ideology too in some of our discussions. turns out #she's in love with me. shit and fuck. #i had already kind of guessed it because she kept asking me weird questions in a strange tone and i'm very sensitive to social cues i guess? #but i found her tumblr (blocked her of course) and wow. oh my god. she wrote something so specific about a night out that we had with some #friends... and it's 100% me because she talks about a girl that is not interested in her but is so nice to her and i was the only girl there #lmfao 😭😭 now i don't know what to do with this information really also because she's the one who was gonna give me free adderall #so shit. fuck. baddddd. #and a major problem is that sometimes she tells me stories about her childhood and adolescence and i just... connect the dots... #and she's the only one i've told that i've been seeing my ex again. whoops
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