An atlas for Atlas

Like Atlas, I hold the weight

Of my memories aloft

My punishment from the Gods

Heavy is the toll of years

Can't put it behind me

This Atlas needs an atlas

Just to get around

My own thoughts

I fight wars when I'm alone

On the battlefield of the soul

I certainly never win

But a five star general

Couldn't break through

The front line of my mind

I've wanted to wave the white flag

For so long now I'm no longer

Bothered by that particular burden

If a brief moment finds me

Looking forward through the din

I find myself unprepared and fragile

And it's only when I open my mouth

And utter conversations at someone

That I realize how alone I truly am

And that the weight on my shoulders

Was nothing.

Is nothing

Will always be nothing.

No, not Atlas, not me

I'm not holding anything up

I'm just holding myself back

It is me,

my own enemy.

I am missing my own life

Koszmar

Po raz kolejny

rozpłynęłaś się.

Tak szybko,

tak boleśnie,

jakbyś była jedynie smugą

naznaczającą me chwiejne istnienie.

Bywasz niewiadomą,

co odpowiada na każdą z wątpliwości.

Bywasz tym,

co najbardziej znajome,

choć tak oddalone

od mej rzeczywistości.

I nadal pomija nas przeznaczenie,

bo nie każdemu jest pisane

takie oto szczęście.

Ja wiem,

że nigdy nie będzie Ci dane

usłyszeć tego krzyku,

co me płuca i duszę na strzępy rozrywa,

ilekroć to nie twą twarz światło uliczne spowija.

Kiedy twa astralna sylwetka powoli,

choć tak pewnie zanika.

I ktoś inny zajmuje twe miejsce,

zawłaszcza sobie me życie

i Twą pozycje.

Ja wiem,

że nigdy nie zdołasz

ujrzeć mego rozczarowania,

co to każdego poranka się nowo pojawia,

gdy twej dłoni już dosięgnąć nie mogę.

Kiedy ot tak znikasz

na niewiadomo ile,

a mi przychodzi tylko odliczać

kolejne koszmary

dopóty, dopóki

Ty w nich nie zawitasz

i okażą się być tylko snami.

Tymi ulubionymi,

gdzie bywamy tylko my

I nic i nikt poza tym.

Pozostaje mi jedynie śnić,

O tym co nieprawidłowe.

O tym, co zawsze odległe,

choć najbardziej znajome.

O tym najpiękniejszym koszmarze,

podczas gdy ktoś inny zasypia obok

i podczas dnia zaprząta te serce i głowę.

Must be very crowded with ghosts in your mind But I'll find you in there and pull you out I'll take you away with me

Screenshot by @engthoughtofcf

But the past echoes

The Choir does not sleep

The Tar does not stop flowing

But I feel the Sun within

And as we are bound

It will be enough to withstand

If I left you my letters as an offering will you put them together for me ? Form endless strings of words and attach them to anything you deem familiar In me ?

Wrap me up in poetry?

Is the cup half full or half empty? I’m not sure anymore. But the content of that cup Is all that’s left of my share of happiness in this world and I’m willing to give it to you…

So why do you have to die thirsty?

Melancholy is rotting Inside of me along with all the expired love I’ve never got to express.

I’m lost in the motions of life with my dreams as a background sound, they play on repeat and i can stand them anymore.

For a minute there, I felt like I can’t stand myself; how do I expect that from anyone else if I can’t do it myself?

So I thought, maybe... If I managed to love myself I’ll be able to convince you that I’m in fact lovable.

Now that i overcompensated. that I did what you deemed impossible. Now, that I’m so full of myself

How do i fit you ?

•••

•Quotes: Emily Palermo/Susan Sontag/Lord Byron/Edgar Allan Poe/Euripides/Christa Wolf

• original context: Sinligh

•Art reference:

1. Saint Winifred by Nick Senium. 2. Painting by Joseph Lorusso. 3. uromancy: "Antonio Ciseri, Maddalena, c.1870." 4. Love Hurts by Dave Lebow. 5. Josep Santilari - Eros and Thanotos.

Edition 2 of Crybaby is finally available to purchase! All the old poems are in there for any of you wondering, plus a bunch of new poems and some artwork!!! ❤️🌸

How does loneliness still exist with all these souls in the world?

Courtney Peppernell, from “Pillow Thoughts”

the inner monologue of gender anguish 27.05.22 by psyche

plain-text under the cut

the inner monologue of gender anguish

I wish I’d been born a man I want to be androgynous I’m transgender I’m non-binary I want to transition I don’t want to transition I love my body I hate my body I like he/him pronouns I’m not a man I am a man I’m somewhere in between I love femininity I hate femininity I’m a they/them I’m a they/he I want to be gender-neutral in a guy way I wish my relation to gender was normal I hate labels I hate labels I hate labels I hate feeling confined to one thing I wish I knew what “me” meant I wish I didn’t have to know I wish I could leave this idea of gender behind & live confidently regardless of it

Es ist nicht schwer an Gott zu glauben.

Lass die Gedanken einfach los.

Die dich viel zu lange abhielten.

Die dir sagen: „Was machst du da bloß?“

Wenn dich die Fragen überströmen,

und die Diskussionen nicht enden.

Lasse einfach alles los.

Gib Gott einfach alles ab.

Komme wie du bist,

er nimmt dich so an.

Frage nicht nach Logik,

frage nicht nach Beweisen.

Und alles um dich wird plötzlich leise.

Denn Gott ist real.

Und wenn du kommst wie du bist,

bereit bist zu glauben,

dann verstehst du - Gott war die ganze Zeit über da.

Um dieser Erfahrung kann dich dann niemand berauben.

:-) 🫶

Oh dear diary,

I met a boy. He made my doll heart light up with joy.

oh pale moon that shines with borrowed light…

every time i gaze up at you

triumphing over the darkness,

i am reminded of myself.

you are not you without the sun’s light ,

just like i am not me without him.

he is my sun, in a way,

and for i, am his moon.

in my palms he places; a gift so pure,

his love.

his light.

shining upon you the sun does give

the gift of his light to you, too

beloved moon, we are one in the same

although i do not shine as greatly as you do, as you pierce through the cover of night

i can only hope that one day i will shine as bright as you do, too.

I miss making you breakfast, i miss you searching for a good playlist for our mornings

00:00h.

My heart

saw

a lot of stars.

But none

of them

shine brighter

than

you.

- D🦋S