#scout tf2 Tumblr posts

Different classes' "MEDIC!" calls rated by how they make me feel.

Scout:

Very distinguished, moderately loud, but his "Let's go, Doc!" sounds like he's inviting me to kill some bitches, not heal a bastard. Which isn't a problem per se, but I have the maximum damage output of a slug. Love the "Alright, I feel good!" though, makes me think myself accomplished while still remaining impersonal, great job. 8/10.

Soldier:

Professional, straightforward, matter-of-factly. Short but loud enough to be easily heard from a distance. "You deserve a medal!" is one of the best reactions to getting healed. 10/10.

Pyro:

Way too quiet, baby, I'm sorry, you probably have to press it fifty times before I register your voice as something other than the vaguely sexual noises from my neighbors' bedroom. 6/10.

Demoman:

Way too long, Jesus fucking Christ. I hear him hollering from across the map. He starts that "MEEEEEEEE-..." and by the time he's done with the "...-DIIIIIIIIIIIC" I've got him at full health. And what's that? You didn't need my help? 3/10.

Heavy:

He sounds like he's calling for his husband (true and real and canon). "I love this Doktor!" is easily my favorite response. Brought down only slightly by the tendency of some players to expect me to pocket them. Which. I mean. You got that massive pool of health, you can take a hit. 9/10.

Engineer:

So very polite. So eloquent. If anyone hurts him again, I will cry. I want to kiss him on the nose and protect him forever. "You're alright, Doc!" awww, you aren't half-bad yourself, you handsome devil. 10/10.

Medic:

He sounds like he's dying all the time, but if there are two Medics on the map, you bet your ass I'll heal the fuck out of my labcoated brother, if only because I know what it's like to be a high-priority target. Still too overdramatic though. 5/10.

Sniper:

Oh, you gotta really hurt him for him to call me. Especially love those interactions where a shy Sniper will hold back on the call until he's at 1HP, then see me healing him, and get a bit more confident calling for me in a pinch. I mean, they're hella useful near the front line, but most often they don't survive long enough without at least some heals. Anyway, that "Thanks, mate!" warms my heart, 7/10 but only because it's too quiet.

Spy:

French, 0/10.

That's it, hope you enjoy!

you joking, the pyro and spy LOVE each other!!!!!!!! they hang out super often and my little barbequed baby on a stick is always checking for him! Plumpkin pye always lights Crabby Patties cigs for him and my little spycrab is super grateful! They love each other :) I'll take my scout to rehab, i don't want anything happening to my baby boston boy :CCCC. my scouts stopped throwing a tanrum and is now curled on the floor sucking his thumb, and spy seems to be a little snippy at my pryo, probably because he's out of cigs :C -One very loving pyro, scout, AND spy owner 🥰

I didn't Read all of the Context for this but Pyros are INFAMOUS about setting Spys on fire. Please Please PLEASE Be Careful with Your Pyro and Spy being in the Same room together

-One VERY concerned Dr Seraphin

well you and dr. jasper can shove it because I'm not giving up Scoot Mcdook III NOR Crabby Patties >:CCCCCCC

fine, i guess i wont sue. but you should now that i separated my beautiful boston boy and my wi wi baguette man-pet and now my scoot is throwing a tantrum because he ran out of cigs and the spycrab is laughing at him from the other room >:T. my pyro is getting fussy and i don't know whether he's having a tough reaction to the fighting or whether he's low-key enjoying it and rooting them on :/

-one very annoyed scout and spy owner who may or may not also be throwing a tantrum over your shit service

Oh. See, you let the scout get addicted to cigs. Whether you like it or not this is a mark of irresponsible ownership on your part, and will likely throw a GIGANTIC wrench in any potential solutions. Your best hope at this point is to take your goddamn scout to rehab. Spies are made to subsist on cigarettes and scouts are absolutely not. Aside from the fighting, aside from the general bitchiness--this is going to be a problem. You have substantially lowered your scout's lifespan. For the sake of public relations I am legally obligated to care about your companion's well-being, and it sounds like it is suffering in your home. Please reconsider.

Also: not only are you keeping a scout and a spy together, but a pyro and a spy? Even I know that's irresponsible. You clearly have not done the research required for mercenary caretaking. Please consider turning your mercs over to the proper authorities before I have to put effort into something.

Love, Lead Researcher & PR Specialist & Three-Time Puppy-Wrestling District Champion, Dr. Bungus

y'know that one scene in Diary In The Wimpy Kid movie where Rodrick's mom makes him apologize for owning a magazine; Scout probably has the same thing happened to him, same exact lines, too.

Yet another lyric from the most Scoutcore song of all time (You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (To Party)

i could have SWORN you had a scout hunting license for your property??!?? you have a scout population CONTROL FORCE!??! are you saying you want to KILL my BELOVED, BEAUTIFUL, DARLING BABY BOSTON BOY SCOOT MCDOOK III?!?!?!? ?!?!?!? how dARE YOU!?!??!? ? you MONSTER?!?!? ?!?!? im SUING?!?!? !?!? ?!?!

-One very angry scout and spy owner >:C

Fine, send the Spy then. We'll kill that o Gary from our legal department has told me I probably shouldn't say this and I haven't been paying him many doritos lately so I guess he really means it. If you're really worried about it, legally we cannot kill any companions we have rehomed--and while the law has never stopped us before the other researchers expect me to hold some semblance of morality, and while that in itself is lame and sucks I've already fought off two and a half mutinies this week and I am on the verge of collapsing into a slightly animate clump of spiders. Rest assured we will care for your scout well or something like that. It's all sunshine and rainbows over here, apparently. I promise if you sue us you will not like what you find in your mailbox next week. The offer to call's still open, but now I want gold instead of money. Sorry. I promise you it's worth it. I'm a very good conversationalist.

Love, Lead Researcher & PR Specialist & Corpse For Hire, Dr. Bungus

Can you write how the mers are when they play lego. This is so random. (Bonus: can you also write how they react when miss pauling walks into them happily playing with lego lol)

Lol ya i wanna build lego too i want some. I'll write a few of em for ya buddo

Scout

-- Of course he'd be playing with lego, he loves the colour of them and always wants to play with them, builds the most obscure shit but regardless will be so proud of them always.

-- He tries to get more people to build with him, but if they all say no he's not gonna pout (for an hour) then try again to find someone to play with him and build all sorts of forts.

-- Will blow hundreds of dollars to buy the huge builds, no you cannot convince me he wouldn't be like screaming in excitement when they pull out a new giant build set.

-- He has a lot of figures hanging in his room, or on a shelf, his whole room is full of it.

-- As for having Ms. Pauling come in, he just stares in silence at her, just complete shock as to being found out that he plays lego, then just silently ask if she wants to join lmao

Engie

-- Obviously the man plays with legos, there is no doubt in my mind he doesn't. He likes to make little contraptions with it and will make the most gorgeous builds.

-- He is the best builder and had built all the things you could ever imagine, the man makes a whole town with lego sets and is so pleased whenever someone compliments it

-- No, no one is allowed to touch anything he has built. Demo broke his build once and he has never recovered from the pain of losing those hours upon hours of work.

-- He totally buys all the bulk sets online, buys specific pieces he needs and has all sorts of rare blocks that he never uses because theyre just so special to him

Pyro

-- They only have the special sets. Only those. Doesn't matter if it's for the kids or something they only have those and get so happy when Engie brings them a new little set after buying the huge ones.

-- They would totally draw about things they built and "blueprints" that they hang up on the wall and then put the build next to it. Has made a giant balloonicorn out of lego and it's one of their prized possession and will light anyone on fire that even looks at it

-- Shows their little builds to everyone, collects the little animal pieces and plays with them on their own sometimes. Even might let Scout borrow some stuff to build to let him have someone to build with.

-- Gifting them a giant build? Immediately their best friend ever and will force whoever gave it to them to build it together, thats what friends do ofc <3

what?! noooo, i love my spy and scout :CCC

i thought they could get along because they're related and i thought a family unit of domesticated mercs could work, don't take my darling babies :(

isn't there ANYTHING i could do to help them instead???? my spys been snorting in frustration and wiggling along the floor looking for cigs and scout keeps calling him a chucklenut and downing it with his bonk 😱

-A very desperate low braincelled but loving spy and scout owner

Spies all have an innate instinct to leave any young they sire--either this or severe commitment issues, maybe both, and it's likely on top of everything else your spy is struggling with not being able to leave its child behind, and in some capacity having to be a responsible father. They're likely at severe odds due to this issue; the scout feels like he's not wanted and the spy does not want the scout. Keeping them together in close quarters is only going to keep escalating until something bad happens--and while I would love to see a spy suffering I'm betting you wouldn't.

The good news is that this issue at the very least can probably be fixed, and the rest of the problems will be easier to solve from there. My personal recommendation would just be to separate them for a few days, preferably in the far corners of your house away from each other; your scout, having no semblance of object permanence, will forget the spy exists, and your spy will finally feed into the natural urge to leave behind its child. Read this carefully, because it's crucial: After a few days, allow your spy to return to the scout's area, but do NOT take it there yourself. The key aspect here is that you want the spy to believe it's making its own selfless decision to return to the life of its child, and hopefully by this point it will miss the scout enough that it'll try to be nice to it. This may not seem to work at first, but give them a little time to settle down.

If this still doesn't work, it wasn't going to from the beginning, and I'm sorry to say their relationship is beyond disrepair. Your best hope is to separate them entirely or, as previously said, give one of them up to us. Preferably the scout. We have enough goddamn spies as it is.

Heartbreaking, I know. Life is cruel. If you need to talk about it you're welcome to call me anytime for small sixty-time-fee of two hundred dollars let me know if you're interested:)

Love, Lead Researcher & PR Specialist & Winner of “Worst Candidate For Anything Whatsoever,” Dr. Bungus

Ship art of my two tf2 ocs, Jason (sniper) and Robin (scout). I really like how this one turned out especially the water reflections.

Over all this took probably 7-10 hours

Pyro slumber party aka “the WORST slumber party Scout has ever been to”

Squoze

Every time I heal a Scout before he runs off, I'm thinking to myself "It's dangerous to go alone! Take this." (+60HP)

Is it lol you guys

Could… could I hug the scoot?

sure!

Scout: look see? I told you I'm not crazy! I TOLD YOU!

Heavy: And your not crazy because...

They’re talking about how the pressure cooker exploded in front of Scout’s very eyes for seemingly no reason. But everyone thinks Scout had a hand in this…

I haven’t uploaded fanfiction in so long, I feel like I’m betraying some deep and buried part of me.

Technically I have been writing, though. Just not uploading.

When I finish chapter 2 I’ll upload the prologue and chapter 1 on AO3, so keep an eye out for it if this interests you:

Dad!Spy

Heavy/Medic

Angst

Merasmus

An actual plot and end goal

Sequel

A healthy dose of drug use

The void

Oh god the eyes

Excluding the prologue, I’m anticipating 20 chapters, and I’ve set it up for a sequel I already have a general idea of. Not to get ahead of myself or anything; I made sure to wrap it up nice, since it originally was going to be a stand alone.

Waiting for feedback from beta readers on a few plot points I think may be a tad overwhelming, but other than that I just need to finish up chapters 1 and 2.

So, casually plugging my AO3 in a post that was already an AO3 plug, make sure to watch for a new multi chapter fic uploaded by DiedInParadise on AO3.

(Name undecided, and possibly a surprise. Post will be updated with proper details.)

Complementary playlist soon to be linked.

Sniper: Last sunday, called me mum 'n she tol' me i was ta be an uncle. Now i don't av a brothah awr sisder so i was confused. Come ta find out she's talkin' about the bloody dog. Liyyke wat, cunt. Fahkin' bloody oath cobber.

Demoman: Ah mind gaun fishing wi' da ilka time he'd come hame fae a wirk trip. He wid let me hook oan th' bait. Shuid hae seen th' explosion it made! ah mean pure, sticking a bomb oan th' worm? bloody guid ideas that jimmy hud.

Scout: So apparently tahry wrecked his cah in his own garage. Like how does a guy just do that. I know his eyes ah shit, but really how does that just happ'n! Not saying he's an igit because i love him and all, but. Y'know.

Everyone else: What.

hell!au where spy "works" for, uh, hell and scout's mother is a heavenly angel

they are madly in love and one tries not to screw each other's job and\or secretly helps in the process not so long ago they were appointed to look out for scout LULW who is an orphan in this au sadly

ludwig aka medic in this au was an average demon just like spy but decided to overthrow the satan himself and become the hell ruler like he always dreamed

after the "revolution" hell's changed, and spy's not sure of the future at all, confused, scared even but! now he has more time to spend with his partner and occasionally save jeremy's ass

toodooloo, maybe I'll write a fanfic about this universe lol bye

prompt: what kind of animal do you think each Merc would like to have?

Scout: Unrealistically, a cheetah.  But that’s dangerous and also probably illegal.  After he’s thought long and hard about it, he’d probably decide on a horse.  They’re just as playful as dogs, you can still teach them to fetch, and he can decide if he wants to run alongside it or ride on it’s back.  What more could he want?

Soldier: MORE RACCOONS.  Lots and lots and looooots of raccoons.  But most importantly, he wants a raccoon dog.  He loves their little hands and how crafty they can be.  Not to mention, their beady black eyes and fluffy faces.  He doesn’t understand why his teammates keep trying to tell him to put them outside.  If you didn’t want your stuff chewed on, you should have put it up better!

Pyro: Jellyfish.  They’re like underwater stars and are surprisingly calming to just sit and watch.  Granted the whole water thing makes them uneasy but as long as the water stays inside the tank, they could make this work.  (”I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine.”)

Demoman: A komodo dragon.  There’s no other real reason than they look really cool and they’re called dragons.  If anyone is a sucker for mythical creatures, it’s Tavish.  That and they just look real fat, and if there’s anything he loves more than myths and legends, it’s a fat animal.

Heavy: A cat, if he could only find one he wasn’t worried about hurting due to his large size.  He especially loves kittens, but they’re too small and underfoot for his liking.  Reading a book and having a cat purring on his lap just sounds wonderful to him.  A mostly independent animal suits his tastes better.

Engineer: A beagle.  Not for hunting purposes, he just loves those big ears and short legs.  And they’re small enough to sit in his lap while he’s working on experiments.  He’d also want a golden retriever, a family dog to lay by his feet.  If he really wanted, he could teach it to bring him his tools as well.

Medic: As much as he loves and adores his doves, he wants a cockatoo.  Something to match his own goofy personality.  Though he isn’t sure if Archimedes would approve of having a bird larger than herself taking up his attention.  He has a soft spot for white birds in particular, but the Major Mitchell’s cockatoo is the one he’s had his eye on for many years.  A bird he could teach tricks to and even teach to talk back to him for when he gets tired of hearing his own muttering.  Now it’s just a question on who’s soul does he have to sell to get one.

Sniper: Back before he got into the assassin business, he liked bird watching.  His father would yell at him for wasting his time, climbing trees with a pair of binoculars.  He’d want a kookaburra.  His mum had a wild one that would visit all the time and she’d feed, and thus he began to associate the bird with her.  Maybe he could also teach it to laugh at his jokes..

Spy: A nice, big boa constrictor.  Maybe it’s because being called a snake so often gave him the thought, maybe it’s just because he wants something viewed as sexual draped across his shoulders.  Or maybe it’s because he has already made floor plans to get an aquarium installed in his smoking room and he knows Scout is terrified of them and it will deter him from barging in again.

That poor Scout...

And also that other Scout too I guess but I have no sympathy for HIM!