More frequently used emoji’s
More frequently used emoji’s
The state of unity within our individual self and between our self and our environment is our most normal state. Several people have expressed fear to me about who they will become if they allow themselves to become enlightened. But once they have realized fundamental consciousness, they see that they have only become themselves, an intimately familiar and instantly recognizable being.
Something I have yet to internalize is that failing to meet the expectations others have of me doesn't mean that I'm failing myself. I have to focus more on myself and worry less about the image others have of me or how they expect me to be.
What will it take to snap the hell out of me? I badly need self redemption.
Everyone and everything may have wanted us apart
But darling every atom of my body needed us together
- Taliesin Leach
Cement has been filling my lungs for far too long
Now that cement is beginning to set
And I no longer know how to breathe.
- Taliesin Leach
You guys! I got one of the things I was manifesting! I really wanted a summer job and I got it through someone who knows my family. I had my training this week and it went well, and I’ll be making a lot more money! This summer is going to be the best one ever- I can’t wait until I’m going out with new (and old!) friends, hanging out with my boyfriend (I’m excited for my dream boy to come into my life!) and my qpps!
I do realise that this is internalised biphobia. and I hate it. but that is part of what my brain just does to myself. maybe you know that one tik tok that goes something like this: "everyone deserves to be loved and accepted for who they are. except for me". that is my brain.
everyone deserves love and to be loved. but not me.
everyone deserves respect. but not me.
everyone has something to offer to the world and people will appreciate them for that. but not me.
I am a burden to everyone I know.
these thoughts used to haunt me every day. but I have gotten better over the years at not listening to them and trying to love myself and be nice to myself. but these thoughts never went away. they just got muffled a bit. and whenever I am going back into a depressive episode the volume knob on this negative self talk and beliefs just gets turned up again.
self hatred is a bitch.
You cannot force a heart to come to you. You cannot force a heart to stay. It has to come on its own. It has to want to stay on its own. This includes your own heart too. And if your heart has not come to you yet, then maybe you need to treat yourself better. A heart only comes when it feels safe and loved unconditionally. Expectations, blame, guilt, and shame make it hide. Drop it. Drop it all now. Ten years is a long enough time. Look into your eyes. They are pleading you to be kinder to yourself. And they are questioning why you haven't embraced yourself yet. Why? Look into your eyes. There is a need for acceptance and love and support. Not of that guy's or that friend's or that other being's but of your own. Erase the ever present asterisk. Accept yourself without these never ending volumes of terms and conditions. I know you are wounded. But I don't think the right question now is why? What made me this way? I think the right question now is how? How do I heal? How do I hold my hand and have my back and have my heart stay?
2019 Chonteh Onewater
all rights reserved
"Unless the Crystal Mountain Rivers Carry Me"
Unless the Crystal Mountain Rivers Carry Me
I f e e l your waters tempting me~ to bathe in your passionate ~ b o d y
~ i will dance upon your shore, but I will not slumber, with you
I f e e l your heartbeat ~ rhythm, throbbing 'gainst ~ mine, each pending embrace....
but I will not - wade your tide pools_ to b e consumed_
~ I h a v e m y h o m e ~
I f e e l your breath, encumber as your waters
~ t a s t e my body
~ my scent,
_ then , discard m e
I will dance upon your shore , and listen to your heart beat
I will allow you to taste~ my scent~ and explore t h a t ~ part of me
Yet ~ I am n o t ready to return to your womb,
~ unless , the crystal mountain rivers
carry ~ me
1994 chonteh onewater
It’s easier to get over crushes when you realize that your expectations were actually ideals/fantasies that you projected onto them. Our fantasies can make us elevate people and believe that they are better for us than they actually are. But once you recognize your projections, you bring the individual back down to what they are; they are simply human and trying to find their own way. No, this does not excuse them of any wrongdoing, if committed, but it does help you heal by putting things into perspective. From there, it’s easier to place them where they belong accordingly--either in the friendship sector or out of your life completely.
"Universal Go To"
2020 Chonteh Onewater
" Seasons of My Will "
Chonteh Onewater 2016
1890 Bore Oak ,New Orleans
Photo credit: my daughter
"I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light or your own being."
💮Be careful what you perceive or learn from your past. You can't turn something into your source of pain and a jealousy of not being enough from where you were suppose create your strong fundamentals and nurture yourself. Be careful as well, whom you reveal it to. Your past isn't worthy of to be put out amidst every little argument. Putting up your past, this could be one of the easiest ways to break someone. Don't push yourself into that pathetic version of you.💮
▪|Picture credit - Pinterest|
(Old electricity generating mill in the woods)
... Don´t abandon yourself. You are beautiful. Do not try to be perfect. Be honest, genuine and real, but also nice and a good person.
It´s about what you feel inside. Accept and love yourself. Healing is accepting every part in you. Healing is understanding yourself. As a result of your upbringing. If you have a trauma - you did not ask for it. But you are responsible from the healing. There is only one person you need to forgive and that person is you yourself.