RWBY X Bayonetta x TFS Hellsing: Meeting the Grandparents
Summer: Oh it’s going to be great! I haven’t seen my Papa since I was a little girl.
Taiyang: Summer, he abandoned you! In the woods!
Summer: Nonsense, he just went out for a very, very, very, long walk! And I was picked up by a group of nuns till I went to Beacon so it wasn’t like I was in any danger.
Qrow: What about those night terrors about fighting off wolves and Grimm?
Summer: Oh I’m sure Papa just mistook those nasty things for puppies. Anyone can make a mistake.
Alucard: Oh my little Sunshine, look how big you got!
Alucard: I heard your a huntress now, good for you.
Summer: That’s right, I’m the leader of my own team.
Summer: This is my Husband Taiyang, and my BFF Qrow! You can meet the your granddaughters when they wake up.
Alucard: I have grandchildren? Show me! Show me!
Taiyang: First things first.
*Taiyang punches the vampire king so hard in the stomach, he’s sent flying into half a dozen trees.*
Taiyang: That’s for abandoning your daughter! Ya prick!
*Alucard returns by a clutter of bats. Slowly dusting himself off.*
Alucard: Well, I haven’t had a punch hit me that hard since Van Hellsing. I like you blonde, Put er here sonny boy!
Both Qrow and Taiyang looked baffled.
Qrow: ”so who’s your mama?”
Bayonetta: ”Well helloooooo handsomes....”
Bayonetta: You there. Bird boy. You look familiar...is your dad's name Dante?
Qrow: ”Oh no....”
Bayonetta: Ah so it is....tell me how are he and Vergie?
Qrow: I think you mean my sister
Bayonetta: Ah yes. Right. Wrong set of twins. Anywho, where are my grandbabies?!
Ruby: Aren't you a little young to be our granny?
Bayonetta: I like this one!
Later that evening
Yang: So lemme get this straight... hair is also your clothes...?
Bayonetta: -nods and sips tea- Correct.
Yang: Teach me!
Alucard: Darling didn't we agree NOT to teach the children dark arts?
Bayonetta: That flew out the window when you taught Ruby and Summer how to laser blast grimm with their eyes
Alucard: I hardly think that counts dear, It's literally light. How can that be considered a "dark art"? Besides, I don't even know where they got that from. It's not even one of my powers.
Bayonetta: Hmph! it probably came about when you slept with that church full of nuns while I was 'asleep' for a century!
Alucard: oh come now darling the bloodline needed preserving and you know damn well those goodie-goodie cloaks didn't hold a candle to you.
Bayonetta: Hmph flattery will get you nowhere!
Alucard: Except for between your legs
Bayonetta: Darling! Not in front of the children!
Alucard: Y'know in my defense? My fetish for nuns whips chains and torture all began with you love.
Tai: -Whispers to Summer- So is this why you are so uh...
Summer: Freaky borderline demonic in bed due to years of celibacy? Yes. Yes it is.
Bayonetta: I Do hope at least your first time was blissful dear.
Summer: -blushes remembering said first time- It was uh... intense...to use a word.
Tai: -pulls his collar and sweats- Really glad that Qrow took Yang on a trip to Vale that day
Bayonetta: Ohhh la la~
Summer: Moooom! No! He's mine!
*as Salem is coming to Atlas*
Yang: Ruby I think it is time we had are team meet are grandparents.
Ruby: I believe you are right Yang.
*Ruby pulls out her scroll and makes a call and puts it on speaker*
*on the other end a phone is going off singing *I'm a bitch I'm a woman*
Alucard: Oh it's Ruby I have to take this dear. *answers call* Ello.
Ruby and Yang: Hey grandpa.
Alucard: Hi girls what do I own the pressure of this call.
Bayonetta: Hi girls.
Ruby: We need some help and you two came to mind.
Alucard: are they hookers.
Alucard: and like that you lost me.
Alucard: I'm joking what is it you need help with.
Ruby: someone is going to destroy Atlas and we need your help stopping her.
Alucard: can I eat her.
Yang: she is immortal so I don't know if you can.
Alucard: I eat your grandmother every night.
Bayonetta: is this on speaker.
Ruby: It is.
Alucard: Oh why didn't you tell us sooner we would really leave a mark on your friends.
Yang: Maybe another time can you come help.
Bayonetta: we just have to get dressed and we will be there.
Ruby: ok see you in a minute.
*Ruby hangs up*
Blake: what do you mean a minute we are in the air and you didn't tell them where we are and
*Alucard appears through the wall between Yang and Ruby*
Alucard: HEY KIDS WANT TO SEE A DEAD BODY.
Blake and Weiss: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.
*Bayonetta appears on the ship.*
Bayonetta: darling do have to do that every time we meet new people.
Ruby and Yang: Hey guys.
Bayonetta: Oh look how big you two have grow- Yang what happened to your arm.
Yang: It got cut off by a crazy guy.
Alucard: Can I kill him.
Yang: Already killed him.
Alucard: That's my girl.
Bayonetta: and who are these two.
Ruby: there are team mates.
Bayonetta: nice to meet you so for my husband's actions.
Weiss: it's fine now we know where they get it from.
Alucard: So who are we fighting.
*Ruby points out of the ship at Salem on a whale.*
Alucard: I guess we are going to have a whale of a good time.
Blake: yep there related.
Alucard: Wait does she have a boob window.
Bayonetta: Wait she does.
Alucard: Ready to have some fun dear.
Bayonetta: you know it darling.
Weiss: did.... did she have guns for heels.
Blake: I thought my family was weird.
https://www.facebook.com/RWBYfanart/photos/a.503857119978352/1067705766926815/ if you want the original source.