okay but its so funny how ive been listening to his music all week bc its relaxing and good for studying and now that im like decently familiar w his music style/the themes in his music and of that album in particular im like…… they fucking……. posted a link to *that song* right after???? like dont get me wrong its still devastating and having context doesnt make it any less so! idk its just weird now bc w some musicians i start out associating their songs w being about the lyricist themself, and its only later that im like ohhhh yeah this can also be about me too. but this is literally the opposite, i used to cry every time i heard that song bc it made me think of the context in which i first heard it, but right now? right now i just listened to it and was like oh nooo he sounds like he was going through a hard time :(( anyway wild
#no /im/ baby and so on and so forth #idk that was the first time ive ever listened to that song and genuinely just vibed and had a fun time #like clearly it bummed me out a little if im writing this! but it feels nice to know i can sort of reclaim that song #unrelated but theres something so *weird* about repurposing/trying to repurpose songs/shows/places so that you associate it w someone else #whether intentional or not sometimes i think about how i took two people to the park in the last few months #both in a romantic way but only one of them was an actual date #but its like dont sit under that tree thats where i sat w the other one and now i feel weird #or the way ive associated the same p/t///v song w like. at *least* three crushes/ppl ive dated by now #like its weird! but then i think of that park near my old house and the picnic table and runaway seagull #and 8am walks bright and early bc i wanted to hear their voice and pace in the dew while they got lost somewhere #and they were climbing over brambles and trespassing fields and i was walking in the same little loop i’d been walking all year #with or without them on the other line #and i have this overwhelming sense of realizing that space will never belong to anyone else— that spot under the tree that picnic table #where i had my evidence one horrifically windy day #its funny bc i *know* now that im thinking about it that i’d gone there w *** and m******* before! but never like that #anyway i for one would LOVE to speed up the process of me moving on bc goddamn i must be annoying #and not to parasocialize onto wi***r s**t but i wonder how long it took for him to get to that ending of the song right before it #do i even wish that they’re happy w someone else? or do i just feel like thats what i *should* want? #bc genuinely dont know what i want anymore. except maybe to be 30
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